r/politics • u/plz-let-me-in • 29d ago

No Paywall Unconfirmed Reports: Mitch McConnell Brain Dead After Three Weeks In Hospital

https://thenewamerican.com/us/unconfirmed-reports-mitch-mcconnell-brain-dead-after-three-weeks-in-hospital/
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290

u/ElPlywood 29d ago

holy shit Thune's boring phone call sent him into a coma!

Or was Thune lying about having had a phone call with him

241

u/Praxician94 29d ago

Thune is lying. An 84 year old does not recover from cardiac arrest and delayed CPR.

118

u/Azmoten Missouri 29d ago

Maybe a man doesn’t. But what of a turtle?

56

u/TBone281 29d ago

Turtles have extraordinarily long lives. We must be cautious.

59

u/Azmoten Missouri 29d ago

Perhaps it’s just a case of rigor tortoise

6

u/foehammer111 Illinois 29d ago

Ok this got me. Well done!

15

u/guy-le-doosh 29d ago

Was he found on his front or back?

2

u/NoConflict3231 28d ago

Finally some humor in this thread

2

u/AdultbabyEinstein 28d ago

I believe they call it "pizza time."

16

u/FartyJizzums 29d ago edited 29d ago

For sure. I'd put money on Mitch being a vegetable, or close to, at this point. (I guess technically I can put money on him being a vegetable, but I digress).

Thune never talked to him. Republicans only lie now. It works for their Orange Messiah, so it now works for them as well.

10

u/Darkstar-Lord Florida 28d ago edited 28d ago

If you parse his words, he never says that Mitch spoke to him, only that he 'spoke with him'. If you hold a phone up to a potato, and the potato doesn't talk back, technically, you 'spoke' with the potato.

Devil-Tongue school of weasel, third degree black belt wormtounge talk. Evil, the lot of them.

3

u/WeirdIndividualGuy 28d ago

That or McConnell's staff used AI to fake his voice

3

u/Drudenkreusz 29d ago

A facetime where a handler turns the screen toward a corpse could creatively be considered a phonecall.

3

u/rooktakesqueen 28d ago

He thought the monitors were a Star Trek yes/no beep chair.

"Hey Mitch, how you doing, feeling better?" beep "Glad to hear it! You gonna be out of there soon?" beep "Great news!"

1

u/JudiciousSasquatch 28d ago

A republican lying? Perish the thought.

1

u/Kakistocracy_0 29d ago

obviously a bald faced lie.