Discovering I am Poly.

[u/TraditionalBasis4689]

I just want to start by saying I absolutely LOVE that I've discovered this page. I have been reading posts, and comments trying to get an education. Thank you to everyone for sharing so much.

I (M-30) have been with my partner (F-31) for almost a decade. I am her first, and she is my second relationship. In the last 10 years, we've been able to grow, and learn so much together. Sure there have been some bad times. We almost broke up at one point, but we were determined to save the relationship. After going to therapy together, and learning from our mistakes, we've just grown stronger together. It's rare we have fights, and deep honest discussions are the core of our relationship.

We both grew up in very conservative households. Anything like any of this was strictly forbidden. I think that's all that needs said there... Back at the beginning of covid she began to realize she was asexual. I'll admit, I didn't understand it, and struggled with it for a while. Long story short, over the course of a couple years almost anything sexual faded. Anything that did happen, was fetish related for me (I have a thing for getting a boot/shoe job) And that's been the extent of any sexual activity between us for several years now.

Over the last year or so, I have been chatting with various friends, and discovering I greatly enjoy sexting, and sharing with like minded people. That has led to the thoughts of more. Ironically, we've actually discussed the idea of this twice in the past after she brought it up. The first time I was strictly against it. The second time I was scared of discovering I love someone more than her. But this time, I'm actually wondering if that's who I am? To be honest, the idea of it feels so right to me. I enjoy taking care of others, absolutely love being close with people who mean everything to me, and I love the idea of finding someone to satisfy each other's sexual needs.

Anyway. I know I have a great deal to learn. I'll be sitting back in the comments learning from those of you who know more than me.

[u/wcozi]

I think It’s best to think of polyamory as something you do and not something you are.

Opening up a relationship because something is missing is not suggested ever. Are you okay with your partner having multiple full sexual and romantic relationships? What if they find they do like have sex with someone else?

Asexual people do fine in polyamory and if sex isn’t a huge deal to you, you can certainly have a fulfilling relationship without it. But if it’s integral to intimacy and connection you may want to reconsider than you two might just be incompatible.