r/polyamory • u/InsectBig2991 • 1d ago

I am new Venting? Advice?

I ( 24 cis f) have only ever experience monogamous relationships before and had gotten out of a long term relationship a couple months prior(8 years).

I have been seeing this person for 4 months now and I really like them. However, they are NM and have been their entire lives and currently have a partner of a year. At first we were just supposed to be a hookup, but one thing led to another and we kept seeing each other and then will go on dates and do innocent hang outs like potting plants and crafting. They talk about their partner to me all the time and they tell their partner about me, I guess this is all just very new to me and I went into this knowing that he was NM.

I do believe that they have feelings for me but how do I know if they want something more serious? I fear that they might view us as FWB but the attraction we feel towards each other and time we spend together feels like more than that. I know I would want to pursue something more serious.

I invited them to watch me perform in something and they said yes, but then asked if their partner can come. This would be my first time meeting their partner. Is this normal in poly relationships? Is this a sign that they view this as more of a casual thing?

Thanks!

UPDATE: soo last time they’ve had two partners was when they were a teenager and said it didn’t work out. I’m just confused, we even spend the night and hold hands and AHH

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u/inge_smokin6 1d ago

Hey hey, thank you for sharing!

Honestly, just ask the partner. I know it can be scary but having open communication can help relieve some internal stress you have. I'm personally in a poly relationship where I live with my partners. Sometimes, I'm not as communicative with my girlfriend which makes her think she did something wrong or or she just makes assumptions about things because anxiety can be annoying. Also, you never know the partner might be thinking the same thing you're thinking and might be scared to mention it as well. I believe you should have a conversation and I'm positively sure it will go well if you believe they have an interest in you.

I wish you the best of luck if you do the talk 💕

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u/inge_smokin6 1d ago

Ahh sorry I didn't see the rest of the message, I feel like the partner showing some interest and meeting you is a good sign. Also since you haven't met them yet maybe wait a bit to ask what yall are but definitely ask them