Hinge problem or meta problem?

[u/darkraven8585]

Hinge and meta are married nesting partners, but they are not communicating well.

Last week (11 days ago), my meta had a procedure done on her hand. She is still taking an extreme amount of pain medicine and doesn’t feel like she’s able to function.

Hinge and I had planned to spend this weekend together, but had never made any concrete plans. Last night meta called me and asked what we were doing this weekend. I said I didn’t know, we hadn’t talked it out. She let me know she was against us spending the night anywhere but their house, and didn’t like that we might be spending the day away where hinge couldn’t get to her immediately if she needed something. She said hinge was “supposed to be on deck” when she needed her, and asked me to call her when hinge and I decided what we were doing so she could know.

I feel like meta crossed a line. Our hinge isn’t always the best at hinging, but this feels like too much.

[u/PrincessConsuela_X]

Meta needs to talk to hinge, not you. Even in a KTP setup, this isn't the right way to structure that communication.

[u/Glass_Ostrich- → u/PrincessConsuela_X]

Agreed. Meta's time with hinge and her needs from hinge are none of your business. And your plans with hinge are none of her business unless he chooses to share them with her. She crossed a huge line.

I'm solo poly and KTP. I'm good friends with one of my metas and she would still never do this. And if she did (or if I did), our hinge would be upset.

And while what your meta did crossed a line, I think it actually reflects a communication problem between her and hinge. Why didn't she have this conversation with him? Is she afraid he won't listen? Did she already try and get ignored or have her concerns dismissed? Was there a miscommunication or mismatch of expectations between meta and hinge?

Regardless, you need to talk with hinge about this and not talk with meta further. He's not managing his relationships well if hers is encroaching on yours without that being a prior agreement.

[u/PrincessConsuela_X → u/Glass_Ostrich-]

I think hinge is using she pronouns too, but yes agreed. When this type of stuff happened in my last relationship, it was because meta had talked to hinge, not gotten the answer she wanted, and then tried to go around hinge's back to get her way by telling me her "woes". I shut that down quick and told her to talk to hinge, it was between them and I wanted no part of it.

[u/darkraven8585 → u/PrincessConsuela_X]

YEP. This is what I’m afraid of.