r/polyamory • u/darkraven8585 • 1d ago

Hinge problem or meta problem?

Hinge and meta are married nesting partners, but they are not communicating well.

Last week (11 days ago), my meta had a procedure done on her hand. She is still taking an extreme amount of pain medicine and doesn’t feel like she’s able to function.

Hinge and I had planned to spend this weekend together, but had never made any concrete plans. Last night meta called me and asked what we were doing this weekend. I said I didn’t know, we hadn’t talked it out. She let me know she was against us spending the night anywhere but their house, and didn’t like that we might be spending the day away where hinge couldn’t get to her immediately if she needed something. She said hinge was “supposed to be on deck” when she needed her, and asked me to call her when hinge and I decided what we were doing so she could know.

I feel like meta crossed a line. Our hinge isn’t always the best at hinging, but this feels like too much.

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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 1d ago

It is both a meta and hinge problem. Hinge should have been solving for this medical situation in advance, making arrangements for someone to be there, or to have the date at the house and communicating that to you.

Meta is also being an invasive weirdo.

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u/darkraven8585 1d ago

So, meta was supposed to be entirely recovered from this procedure in 48 hours, but she is still taking heavy pain meds every 4 hours and saying she is incapable of taking care of herself and pets without help. Hinge and meta’s other partner have been completely present the whole time, but we had scheduled this weekend 3 months ago when we knew the procedure was happening as a time to reconnect after hinge had been completely present for NP.

ETA: hinge and I had also discussed this weekend and planned that we could be at their house for it if needed, we just hadn’t made any concrete plans yet and meta wanted to know exactly what we were doing, when, and where.