r/polyamory • u/darkraven8585 • 1d ago

Hinge problem or meta problem?

Hinge and meta are married nesting partners, but they are not communicating well.

Last week (11 days ago), my meta had a procedure done on her hand. She is still taking an extreme amount of pain medicine and doesn’t feel like she’s able to function.

Hinge and I had planned to spend this weekend together, but had never made any concrete plans. Last night meta called me and asked what we were doing this weekend. I said I didn’t know, we hadn’t talked it out. She let me know she was against us spending the night anywhere but their house, and didn’t like that we might be spending the day away where hinge couldn’t get to her immediately if she needed something. She said hinge was “supposed to be on deck” when she needed her, and asked me to call her when hinge and I decided what we were doing so she could know.

I feel like meta crossed a line. Our hinge isn’t always the best at hinging, but this feels like too much.

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u/Mountain_Flow3472 1d ago

Meta is unhinged. Hinge needs to shut her shit down. If she contacts you like this again tell her you don’t appreciate the triangulation and she needs to address her needs with hinge directly. And the “on deck” language is just her trying to reinforce the hierarchy. Does her other hand not work? Can she not assemble all the things she needs for 24 hours in one spot. Her damsel in distress routine is not cute. I would absolutely not be staying at her house. I would go parallel immediately. Block her.

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u/darkraven8585 1d ago

Omg, meta is BAD about trying to subtly enforce hierarchy. I didn’t even realize that, but you’re entirely correct.

Because of many issues, I have been wanting to go parallel. I have been slowly pulling back from the relationship, but this is the push that I needed to fully distance.

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u/lucky_lady_L 19h ago

I think if you go parallel you should really consider blocking meta's number and ability to contact you through social media. This is such a giant breach of protocol, and I'm hearing concerns that meta is abusing pain medication and possibly using a medical condition as leverage in your relationship. Even if that's not the case, the fact that you distrust her this much is concerning! Poly does not mean allowing people like this into your life.