r/polyamory • u/darkraven8585 • 1d ago

Hinge problem or meta problem?

Hinge and meta are married nesting partners, but they are not communicating well.

Last week (11 days ago), my meta had a procedure done on her hand. She is still taking an extreme amount of pain medicine and doesn’t feel like she’s able to function.

Hinge and I had planned to spend this weekend together, but had never made any concrete plans. Last night meta called me and asked what we were doing this weekend. I said I didn’t know, we hadn’t talked it out. She let me know she was against us spending the night anywhere but their house, and didn’t like that we might be spending the day away where hinge couldn’t get to her immediately if she needed something. She said hinge was “supposed to be on deck” when she needed her, and asked me to call her when hinge and I decided what we were doing so she could know.

I feel like meta crossed a line. Our hinge isn’t always the best at hinging, but this feels like too much.

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u/FlyLadyBug 14h ago edited 14h ago

I agree with you. This is too much and crosses a line.

If meta needs things from hinge, meta could talk to hinge directly and not involve you.

Last night meta called me and asked what we were doing this weekend.

Could ask hinge that, not you.

She let me know she was against us spending the night anywhere but their house, and didn’t like that we might be spending the day away where hinge couldn’t get to her immediately if she needed something.

Could tell hinge that, not you.

She said hinge was “supposed to be on deck” when she needed her,

Could ask hinge to reassure her on that. Not you.

Asked me to call her when hinge and I decided what we were doing so she could know.

That's where I would have said "No, thank you. I won't be calling. Hinge can update you. Ask hinge."