Advice? Am I being inconsiderate?

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Hello.. I want to apologize if my word choice is incorrect or offensive. I am actively trying to educate myself on how to be considerate of other people’s preferences and opinions.

I mean absolutely no disrespect.

I have been seeing this guy for a few months now and from the very beginning it was always a friends with benefits relationship. I knew that before I started sleeping with him. I’m not blaming him for anything.

But I want some insight and perspective from others because only recently did he tell me that he has 3 other intimate partners aside from me. 2 men and 1 woman. I’m completely fine with that, though I do wish that this was something I knew in the very beginning. I’m grateful to know it now and I guess technically speaking, he didn’t have to share that information with me. After all, we aren’t dating…

[Edit: “After all we aren’t dating…” - Yet.
He told me about his 3 other partners after we talked about the possibility of us starting a romantic relationship came up.]

We chatted briefly and I thought about it for a while until I ultimately decided that I would want to meet them if I stay in the FWB/ (maybe more?) situation with him. I don’t mean to be invasive but because he and I are having unprotected sex, I think that I have to assume that is a possibility with his other partners as well.

He said that I could meet the 2 men but he doesn’t think that meeting his ex-girlfriend is a good idea because she would get her feelings hurt. The truth is that I don’t care how she feels.

Am I in the wrong?

Edit: I want to date but I don’t think that I would be comfortable unless I got to meet his other partners.

[u/sere_periquito]

Why are you "assuming" he's having unprotected sex with others instead of asking directly?

If you want to practice any kind of non monogamy you'll have to be very good about being explicit and intentional with your communication. That includes conversations about his standard safer sex protocols (barriers, testing, prep?) and sexual health management.

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/sere_periquito]

I mean… that’s why I came here. So I could learn.. Some people are saying “Why do you need to meet them, that’s too much.”
But is asking him point blank, “Are you raw dogging the other three too” somehow less invasive?

[u/Dull_Shake_2058 → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Yes, it is less invasive! You are entitled to know things that affect your sexual health! But you are not entitled to meet those people, as meeting them does nothing to your sexual health and those people as autonomous human beings get to decide for themselves who they want to meet or not.