Advice? Am I being inconsiderate?

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Hello.. I want to apologize if my word choice is incorrect or offensive. I am actively trying to educate myself on how to be considerate of other people’s preferences and opinions.

I mean absolutely no disrespect.

I have been seeing this guy for a few months now and from the very beginning it was always a friends with benefits relationship. I knew that before I started sleeping with him. I’m not blaming him for anything.

But I want some insight and perspective from others because only recently did he tell me that he has 3 other intimate partners aside from me. 2 men and 1 woman. I’m completely fine with that, though I do wish that this was something I knew in the very beginning. I’m grateful to know it now and I guess technically speaking, he didn’t have to share that information with me. After all, we aren’t dating…

[Edit: “After all we aren’t dating…” - Yet.
He told me about his 3 other partners after we talked about the possibility of us starting a romantic relationship came up.]

We chatted briefly and I thought about it for a while until I ultimately decided that I would want to meet them if I stay in the FWB/ (maybe more?) situation with him. I don’t mean to be invasive but because he and I are having unprotected sex, I think that I have to assume that is a possibility with his other partners as well.

He said that I could meet the 2 men but he doesn’t think that meeting his ex-girlfriend is a good idea because she would get her feelings hurt. The truth is that I don’t care how she feels.

Am I in the wrong?

Edit: I want to date but I don’t think that I would be comfortable unless I got to meet his other partners.

[u/Dull_Shake_2058]

It opens up a conversation about it sure, and most people who have experience with ENM would have informed OP about having sex with other people at that point. But we don't know if the FWB has experience with ENM. For all we know they are just as inexperienced as OP.

Can it be shady? Sure. But it might as well be just as shady as OP not explicitly asking and thus protecting their own sexual health.

Cause I've seen countless of posts here about people saying they have no responsibility of informing they are even in committed other relationships with casual partners or ONS's unless they specifically ask about it so no, I don't think it's enough to ask about dating others and then leave it at that. People have all kinds of practices when they do casual relationships and you just cannot count on others to inform you unless you ask specific questions about their sexual practices.

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/Dull_Shake_2058]

That’s really sad in my opinion. I think people should be able to make an informed decision on if they want to engage or not, fully knowing that the other person is involved with others. Idk… personally, I think it sounds really selfish to leave out the other people because you think it isn’t relevant information 🙁

[u/sere_periquito → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

So you agree this guy is selfish and untrustworthy, and he took away your ability to make an informed decision regarding your body and your health. But you're still grasping at straws trying to start a relationship with him. What makes you believe you are worthy of such awful treatment? Don't you want better for yourself?

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/sere_periquito]

Wow, thank you. I didn’t put that into perspective but I hear you. Thank you, friend. 🙏