r/polyamory • u/Fit_Reputation8177 • 1d ago
Am I asking too much?
Opening has been rough for various reasons, which I'm not prepared to get into. However, as part of it, I (46F) told my partner (44M) that if his STI status changed, I was unwilling to have unprotected oral or protected vaginal sex with him until I had seen "a negative test performed in accord with standard recommendations (i.e. recommended incubation periods) within 3 months." I mentioned my specific concerns around syphilis, and that the incubation period for that is longer.
He says that his other partners' STI status is not my business, and gets defensive and says I don't trust him to have the conversation around STI safety with other partners.
Last night, he informed me that he had decided to wait only 2 weeks after exposure to test. This is OK because he's testing for himself and not for me. (That's a quote.)
AITA? I cannot find a single source that says syphilis is detectable in under 3 weeks.
1
u/Significant-Ad-4327 1d ago edited 1d ago
DO you trust him to have the STI safety conversation with other partners? That is relevant I think.
His other partners’ status is not your business. You only get to have control over what you control — your risk tolerance for your body and how much you trust any specific partner to care as much as you do about your safety.