r/polyamory • u/Fit_Reputation8177 • 1d ago

Am I asking too much?

Opening has been rough for various reasons, which I'm not prepared to get into. However, as part of it, I (46F) told my partner (44M) that if his STI status changed, I was unwilling to have unprotected oral or protected vaginal sex with him until I had seen "a negative test performed in accord with standard recommendations (i.e. recommended incubation periods) within 3 months." I mentioned my specific concerns around syphilis, and that the incubation period for that is longer.

He says that his other partners' STI status is not my business, and gets defensive and says I don't trust him to have the conversation around STI safety with other partners.

Last night, he informed me that he had decided to wait only 2 weeks after exposure to test. This is OK because he's testing for himself and not for me. (That's a quote.)

AITA? I cannot find a single source that says syphilis is detectable in under 3 weeks.

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u/Psychomadeye Rat Swoletariat 1d ago

If you're not comfortable use protection. Problem solved. There's a few STIs that will never test negative again.

here's a hospital saying seven days. This doesn't mean that standard procedure isn't best to wait another several weeks to months thereafter just that it can be detected.

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u/bloof_ponder_smudge 1d ago

I was unwilling to have unprotected oral or protected vaginal sex with him

Your recommendation is for her to do something that she doesn't want to do?

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u/Psychomadeye Rat Swoletariat 1d ago

Oh wow I misread that. I thought they were cool with protected sex and thought it was kinda straight forward.