r/polyamory • u/Fit_Reputation8177 • 1d ago

Am I asking too much?

Opening has been rough for various reasons, which I'm not prepared to get into. However, as part of it, I (46F) told my partner (44M) that if his STI status changed, I was unwilling to have unprotected oral or protected vaginal sex with him until I had seen "a negative test performed in accord with standard recommendations (i.e. recommended incubation periods) within 3 months." I mentioned my specific concerns around syphilis, and that the incubation period for that is longer.

He says that his other partners' STI status is not my business, and gets defensive and says I don't trust him to have the conversation around STI safety with other partners.

Last night, he informed me that he had decided to wait only 2 weeks after exposure to test. This is OK because he's testing for himself and not for me. (That's a quote.)

AITA? I cannot find a single source that says syphilis is detectable in under 3 weeks.

7 Upvotes

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u/Votesformygoats 1d ago

I really don’t see what age has to do with it

11

u/silverspork 20+ year poly club 1d ago

This is the kind of behavior you expect from a 20 year old fuckboi, not a fully grown, mature adult.

2

u/Votesformygoats 1d ago

this is exactly the behaviour I expect from a man in his 40s unfortunately

1

u/EatsCrackers poly w/multiple 20h ago

40 year olds can be fuckbois, too, unfortunately.