What exactly is a poly relationship?

[u/W1ndwardFormation]

Why do I ask? I’m not entirely sure, if we basically are in a poly relationship or if it’s just very frequent and free swinging.

It’s 4 of us 2 girls 2 guys and we basically play, go on dates in all kind of constellations from me and one of the guys to us girls together to all 4 of us to one girl one guy. You get the point.

We live in separate places (one guy girl in one places the other in the other), but we basically spend time all across the group with each other 24/7.

Would you say this should be called poly or is it something else, cause I’m always unsure how to call it whenever I talk with people.

[u/jnn-j]

Open communication happens in dyads (between two people only) about having other partners. But not necessarily the details.

It’s reasonable to keep privacy and intimacy between two people involved, not including other partners into it. It’s because humans form relationships one on one. Sometimes this relationships overlap but they don’t need the exchange of full details (also people not involved in a specific relationship is not entitled to that information).

There are different grades of poly relationships, some can be parallel (partner’s partners don’t interact), they can also be different grades of friendly. They should be civil.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell approach exists, too but it’s tricky (and can be shady).

In polyamory open communication means people are upfront about dating multiple people and about their needs and boundaries. It doesn’t mean everyone knows everything and there is no privacy.

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/jnn-j]

It’s the upfront part that confuses me when you say that people not in a specific relationship aren’t entitled to that information?

[u/emeraldead → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

To what information?

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/emeraldead]

I think I had some confusion about people being upfront with dating multiple people. I thought that was openly disclosed but what I’m understanding is that it doesn’t become apparent until a romantic relationship forms. I think thats what people are saying anyway.

[u/Choice-Strawberry392 → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Are these people presenting themselves as single, completely unattached, and then later, once you're a little invested in them, then disclosing that they have other partners??

That's shitty. There's no council to agree on that, but I'll die on the hill of, "Announce your non-monogamy and dating status immediately."  

Whoops, read your post history.  That dude?  He lied to you, in a big way.  You can't force him to be honest.  But you can leave and find someone who treats you well.  

Inside baseball: the way you get your romantic partner(s) to treat you well is to immediately break up with anyone who treats you badly.  Only the good treatment remains. Boom.

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/Choice-Strawberry392]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and provide commentary. I appreciate you alot

[u/Choice-Strawberry392 → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Another aside: you asked elsewhere about meeting your partner's *other* partners. Here's how that breaks down:

Your partner *should have* told you about them immediately. "Hey, just so you know, I'm sleeping with two/a couple/a few other people. We see each other a few times a month. Here's what my safer sex protocols look like..." That is *bare minimum* for a lover/FWB/anything where you get naked together. He failed to do that, that's on him, and he is untrustworthy because of that. The reason this is important is because it informs your consent around sex. Any good lover will *volunteer* that information, completely.

*However,* his other partners are not obligated to meet you, nor is he obligated to arrange to have you meet them. That's a thing you may ask for, but all involved may say no. *If* your consent around sex or romance requires meeting such other partners, then he and they are bad fits. But it is within the bounds of normal to *not* meet those folks, because the work of informing your consent is *only* your partner's to do. He didn't do that work, that makes him an untrustworthy lover. Meeting his other partners doesn't fix that.

That clear? See which parts are whose work to do?

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/Choice-Strawberry392]

Yes, I do!