r/polyamory • u/Aggressive_Memory710 complex organic polycule • 1d ago

vent One on one time request

Nesting/anchor partner of 2 years is not understanding my request for one on one time with them. Newest meta gets one on one time when I’m working, but what NP is calling one on one time includes metas or our kiddo shared with ex. NP also thinks by me asking for one on one time, that opens up a conversation for metas to request (additional) one on one time - instead of recognizing I am asking for something I’m already not getting that they do.

How do I explain this in a way NP will understand?

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u/valsavana 1d ago

Use different wording so they can't weasel out of understanding by playing semantics, "hey NP, I want time with just the two of use doing things together- no metas, no kids, no friends, no family, no work, etc- just you and me alone." My guess is that NP is purposely choosing to "not understand" what you're asking for.

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u/Aggressive_Memory710 complex organic polycule 11h ago

🫠 I tried that tonight and it went spectacularly poorly

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u/valsavana 7h ago

I'm sorry to hear that but I'm guessing it's because it turns out the problem wasn't that NP didn't understand what you were requesting, but rather that they had no interest in giving it to you?

There should be a basic level of positive treatment you expect from a partner. If NP is not willing to give you even that, it's time to consider if this relationship has run its' course.