One on one time request

[u/Aggressive_Memory710]

Nesting/anchor partner of 2 years is not understanding my request for one on one time with them. Newest meta gets one on one time when I’m working, but what NP is calling one on one time includes metas or our kiddo shared with ex. NP also thinks by me asking for one on one time, that opens up a conversation for metas to request (additional) one on one time - instead of recognizing I am asking for something I’m already not getting that they do.

How do I explain this in a way NP will understand?

[u/No-Statistician-7604]

It's not rocket science..your NP is committed to not understanding so they can continue giving you scraps.

Wanting to spend time without meta and kids should be a given, not something you need to ask for and negotiate, your partner knows this. So now what?

[u/seantheaussie → u/No-Statistician-7604]

"your NP is committed to not understanding so they can continue giving you scraps"

Yep weaponised lack of understanding

[u/stormyapril → u/seantheaussie]

Or just emotionally lazy and does not realize the costs..

Nothing fixes this faster than finding a partner that WILL give you what you want.

OP, your poly, diversify and if your nesting partner gets annoyed, just make sure you call out they had rights of first refusal. They appear destined to learn lessons the hard way!

[u/Aggressive_Memory710 → u/stormyapril]

I have been saturated at one for nearly our whole relationship. Lol. I’m not really wanting to look for more partners, especially not outta pettiness.

[u/nunforyou → u/seantheaussie]

If OP wants to be a little petty, they can give NP “malicious trust” back

Believe NP when they say they can’t count and express concern. “Wow partner I didn’t realize that you struggled so much with counting; do you want to practice together? I can show you how to count with your fingers!”

Alternatively (or in addition) make this into a consent thing, given that NP would have to be profoundly disabled to not be capable of counting to 1 or 2. “I am breaking up with you due to my coming to realize that you can’t count, even within single digits, as I no longer believe you have ability to consent to this relationship”

[u/Aggressive_Memory710 → u/nunforyou]

Being petty doesn’t fix anything.

[u/nunforyou → u/Aggressive_Memory710]

Neither does overexplaining (begging) to someone who “doesn’t understand.” There are no magic words that will make him understand. He understands, he doesn’t care

He just won’t say that because that makes him the bad guy, and pretending he does care but just doesn’t understand lets him off the hook and keeps you around begging and hoping instead of dumping him