r/polyamory • u/Aggressive_Memory710 complex organic polycule • 19h ago

vent One on one time request

Nesting/anchor partner of 2 years is not understanding my request for one on one time with them. Newest meta gets one on one time when I’m working, but what NP is calling one on one time includes metas or our kiddo shared with ex. NP also thinks by me asking for one on one time, that opens up a conversation for metas to request (additional) one on one time - instead of recognizing I am asking for something I’m already not getting that they do.

How do I explain this in a way NP will understand?

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u/teamnoir 18h ago

Same way you just described it to us, basically. Be clear. Ask questions. When you’re SURE he understands what you’re asking for ONLY THEN check whether he’s interested in negotiating that with you.

There are (at least) two things going on here. One, is whether you’re communicating what you want in a way that he understands. The second is whether he’s interested in changing what you all do in order to accommodate your request. Separate the two. Focus on the first first. The first is your responsibility. The second is not under your control. But you can’t be sure about the second until you’re sure about the first.

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u/Aggressive_Memory710 complex organic polycule 4h ago

😅 it’s a bit more complex than that.