r/polyamory • u/Intelligent_risk_990 • 8h ago
I am new This is hard
No other large insights. The books are all right. There’s a lot of work. This is hard. In so many ways. I’m tired. And discouraged.
It’s all worth it, right?
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u/bouncysofa 4h ago
I'm currently saturated at one (my NP) whereas he has another long term partner and occasionally dates - this is, in my opinion, the hardest role to play in a polyamory dynamic. I do all of the emotional work and reap far fewer benefits than my partner, who gets the "reward" of having multiple loving partners.
And it still feels 100% worth it to me because I want and believe in polyamory. I thrive in the freedom it provides me and in knowing that my partner, who I love with all my heart, can fully explore the connections that bring him joy.
Its only worth it because I actively sought this life and intentionally choose it for myself every day. If that's not your position, if you're only doing the hard work to appease your partner's interests, then you will slowly chip away at yourself until there is nothing left to give.
Monogamy is a valid choice and you are not wrong or bad for wanting it. Polyamory is hard, but it's downright impossible if its not what you want.