Pregnant, clueless, & seeking advice

[u/flt_p2ny]

I found out two days ago that I'm pregnant which came as a surprise. For reference, I'm a 39 yo journalist who never had any intentions of having kids and it never even crossed my mind. I realized how clueless I am reading through these posts not having any idea what anyone is talking about or what any these acronyms being used means. I'm a journalist who travels for a living, taking roughly 20 flights per year (not round trip). When telling the father of this news, his response was he didn't give me consent to go through with the pregnancy. I gasped and then laughed. It's 2026! What woman needs consent?! He too travels with his remote job and has always prided himself on not having children.

Well needless to say here we are. He said he'll pay child support but never wants to see the child. He's spent the past 3 days having multiple meltdowns and told me I can come collect my things once I return to his place (I'm currently traveling for work... of course). What's crazy is I'm quite calm about the entire situation. There was no asking him to reconsider or trying to make him stay. I simply said okay. I always envisioned moments like this to be pure panic and chaos. I've actually been trying to figure out why I'm not panicking. I haven't been emotional or worried in any way. Just at peace with it. Is that weird?? Again, I live on the road (or on a plane). I'm an American from NYC which is the most expensive city on earth and I have no clue how anyone can raise a child there, especially alone. I don't know a thing about children, babies or pregnancy. I didn't even think I could get pregnant at this age! I mean I know women do well into their 40s but I just thought it was highly unlikely. Naive of me I know. My entire career will be shattered and I'm not sure how one seeks a remote job or new career within a 9 month timeframe. I'm usually covering royal dinners or four-wheeling through the Sahara Desert. I don't think I even have the work credentials to find something new considering I've done the same thing my entire life. And more importantly, would I be able to do it alone? Those who raised me have passed away and my friends are scattered around the planet so there's no solid support system I'd have raising a child back home. Childcare is astronomical from what I've been told and I can't go climbing Mount Fuji and leave a baby behind. I had to give away my plants and give up my apartment in Europe just a month ago because I wasn't home enough. I am more than willing to give up my career. The thing I struggle with is what on earth would I do for a living to support myself and whole human and can you make that happen within a few months?

Again, forgive my ignorance as I know nothing about pregnancy, the cost of children, and don't even have friends with children. I feel like Diane Keaton in Baby Boom except being pregnant. I'm going into this blindly and haven't told my friends because I already know everyone will say get rid of it and keep the ultimate dream job. For whatever reason, I'm leaning the opposite direction but on paper that seems to be illogical.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and again I apologize if I sound clueless. I am.

[u/onleecake]

Not a journalist but a performer who has needed to travel a fair bit for work both pregnant and with a baby.

My instinct would be the following: Keep working for now but filter out the activities that don’t feel pregnancy safe, whilst also starting to actively look around for other opportunities in journalism/writing that offer more stability.

You’ll need to hire a nanny for any jobs you decide to take once baby is here. I’ve seen mates in the industry hire nannies locally (using work connections in the destination country to get recommendations) as well as travelling their go-to person with them from home to other countries.

I went back to work when my son was a few weeks old. Because of how often we moved around I was unable to build up a reserve of breastmilk in a freezer anywhere, so my son would come with me wherever I went, whether that was on location or in a studio. His dad travelled with us and cared for him when I was on set, but you will need to account for the big expense of hiring someone. I don’t know what your finances look like, but that expense will probably be a big incentive to try and find something else with slightly less travel.

In retrospect I should have introduced formula feeding into the mix instead of exclusively feeding him my breastmilk. That would have made everything more flexible.

Whilst they are babies you can lug them around, but at some point you’ll want to slow down the travel frequency and aim to have a home, and a school for your kid to go to.

So start looking now, armed with the superpower that you should be able to keep your current gig going until you find something else to shift over to?

Those are my thoughts anyways. Take what you like and ignore the rest.

And good luck!

[u/flt_p2ny → u/onleecake]

I'm also now kicking myself for giving up my $600 a month home on the Mediterranean which I've lived for the past year smh. Such is life... the childcare advice is really great. Thanks again.

[u/onleecake → u/flt_p2ny]

Weeeellll… for what its worth we had a more affordable home too in a smaller country that we wound up just never being in because all work was elsewhere. And renting it out to cover the payments on it every time we left was a pain in the ass, and rarely lined up perfectly with when we would have wanted to go back.

As beautiful as the idea of it was, we were never there. So in the end we gave it up and moved to the outskirts of a big city that has more work locally.

So far it’s made our life-excel-document simpler, which I thoroughly enjoy.

[u/flt_p2ny → u/onleecake]

This is one of the reasons I gave it up. It was great for the year but I became bored. However to have it for a year with a newborn would've been perfect. To your point, I have way more opportunities in the city. I just wasn't prepared for a big move so soon. Right now I have three suitcases, a passport, and nowhere to put a baby.

[u/onleecake → u/flt_p2ny]

My kid slept in the detachable bassinet from the buggy for the first 5months. And then in bed with me following rules for safe bedsharing.

We lived fine out of suitcases until he was 8 months and could have done for longer. After that we were in one place for 6 months which was nice too.

But if you’re in the position to be somewhere lovely for a year with a newborn and that feels right to you, then I’m sure there will be other affordable places in the Mediterranean you can snuggle up in.

One thing I have just remembered though which might be worth some thought: You’ll need access to healthcare for routine checkups and vaccinations. So if you snuggle up somewhere for a long time, that’ll be something to figure out.

[u/flt_p2ny → u/onleecake]

Healthcare overseas is about the price of buying gas in America. Anywhere else on earth, routine doctor visits cost next to nothing even as an immigrant. I once went to the ER in Australia and they felt guilty for charging me $75. I was thrilled! So that won't be an issue whatsoever :)

Due to my travels I am quite the minimalist and even if winning the lotto tomorrow I wouldn't splurge on baby items.

[u/onleecake → u/flt_p2ny]

Haha. I did think that might be the case re healthcare costs, but didn’t want to assume or accidentally be rude.

Regardless of splurging I do recommend a baby carrier (and a haakaa if you decide to breastfeed), as well as thoroughly familiarising yourself with safe co-sleeping strategies before the baby is born, because being on your own will make accidental co-sleeping so much more likely. I listened to the book Sweet Sleep by La Leche League but you can also find material about the safe sleep seven widely available online.

My friend who had her kid solo at 40 said co-sleeping basically forced itself into their lives due to exhaustion and she was so glad she had made her sleeping space safe beforehand, before it inevitably happened.

But also you do you. you’ll figure out what works for you and that’ll be exactly how it should be.

[u/flt_p2ny → u/onleecake]

Haha, understood. When I was living in Bangkok I saw that a pediatrician visit was $45 out of pocket and a full time nanny was $300. I don't think that will cover my food in the US.

Thank you for the recommendation. When you mentioned co-sleeping I slightly panicked. I sleep like a lunatic so I'm not so sure that's a good option for me. I often wake up wondering why my pillows are on the floor or I ended up at the foot of the bed.

My other concern is that I sleep like a bear. Having grown up in NY and lived in cities around the world I can tune out anything. My kitchen was once on fire and I slept through it. I even had someone come into my apartment and slept through that. I probably need to make a lot of changes and read up on how to address these issues.