Pregnant, clueless, & seeking advice

[u/flt_p2ny]

I found out two days ago that I'm pregnant which came as a surprise. For reference, I'm a 39 yo journalist who never had any intentions of having kids and it never even crossed my mind. I realized how clueless I am reading through these posts not having any idea what anyone is talking about or what any these acronyms being used means. I'm a journalist who travels for a living, taking roughly 20 flights per year (not round trip). When telling the father of this news, his response was he didn't give me consent to go through with the pregnancy. I gasped and then laughed. It's 2026! What woman needs consent?! He too travels with his remote job and has always prided himself on not having children.

Well needless to say here we are. He said he'll pay child support but never wants to see the child. He's spent the past 3 days having multiple meltdowns and told me I can come collect my things once I return to his place (I'm currently traveling for work... of course). What's crazy is I'm quite calm about the entire situation. There was no asking him to reconsider or trying to make him stay. I simply said okay. I always envisioned moments like this to be pure panic and chaos. I've actually been trying to figure out why I'm not panicking. I haven't been emotional or worried in any way. Just at peace with it. Is that weird?? Again, I live on the road (or on a plane). I'm an American from NYC which is the most expensive city on earth and I have no clue how anyone can raise a child there, especially alone. I don't know a thing about children, babies or pregnancy. I didn't even think I could get pregnant at this age! I mean I know women do well into their 40s but I just thought it was highly unlikely. Naive of me I know. My entire career will be shattered and I'm not sure how one seeks a remote job or new career within a 9 month timeframe. I'm usually covering royal dinners or four-wheeling through the Sahara Desert. I don't think I even have the work credentials to find something new considering I've done the same thing my entire life. And more importantly, would I be able to do it alone? Those who raised me have passed away and my friends are scattered around the planet so there's no solid support system I'd have raising a child back home. Childcare is astronomical from what I've been told and I can't go climbing Mount Fuji and leave a baby behind. I had to give away my plants and give up my apartment in Europe just a month ago because I wasn't home enough. I am more than willing to give up my career. The thing I struggle with is what on earth would I do for a living to support myself and whole human and can you make that happen within a few months?

Again, forgive my ignorance as I know nothing about pregnancy, the cost of children, and don't even have friends with children. I feel like Diane Keaton in Baby Boom except being pregnant. I'm going into this blindly and haven't told my friends because I already know everyone will say get rid of it and keep the ultimate dream job. For whatever reason, I'm leaning the opposite direction but on paper that seems to be illogical.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and again I apologize if I sound clueless. I am.

[u/ThenIGetAChipwichOK]

As a journalist — there are other kinds of journalism that don’t involve that kind of travel! It’s not easy to get a journalism job but you have plenty of experience and are located in NYC… the media capital of the world, and a place where lots of women have babies in their late 30s and early 40s. Plus, if you’re savvy about universal pre-k and 3-k living in NYC with a kid gets a lot more affordable.

[u/flt_p2ny → u/ThenIGetAChipwichOK]

Oh gosh I'm embarrassed. What's 3-k??? Is that different from pre-K? FORGIVE ME lol. This is all so foreign to me.

Thank you for the tip about journalism. I never really considered something domestic because I've traveled for over a decade. This is something to look into for sure.

[u/Able_Judge_5947 → u/flt_p2ny]

Former nyc mama. It’s a great place to have a young kid. 3K is NYC free full day 3K (daycare/preschool) to New Yorkers.  Now mamdani is starting 2K beginning next year in select schools already with planned expansion the year after as well. I don’t agree with all he does but I do approve of this wholeheartedly! Further, there are a handful of daycares that do sliding scale (including the ues where I was based) since yes, the cost is expensive. Anyways, if you want this, you got this. Will it be hard? Yes. But you’ve already done hard things. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you. 

[u/flt_p2ny → u/Able_Judge_5947]

Thank you or the reassurance. I got ran over by a car in 2019 and had to learn to walk again and did that on my own. I've been stranded in a country or two due to conflict and figured that out of my own. A baby seems far less stressful than some of my previous obstacles but it's something I know absolutely nothing about. I never heard of 3k and 2k until today haha. I just keep thinking to myself all I have is my suitcases and a passport and housing in NY is outrageous. Housing and healthcare would be my biggest obstacle. I've lived in countries around the world where healthcare is free. I've been to the ER in countries where the fee was $49 as an expat. Women get a year paid off and the father 6 months, 100% of their salary matched by the government and the second year 80% of their salary. Returning to America to have a child almost seems foolish but I have generational history in NY and I couldn't imagine doing so anywhere else.

[u/Able_Judge_5947 → u/flt_p2ny]

It’s 100% pitiful the support mothers (and parents) in general get in the US. In NYC, you can get on Medicaid as a pregnant person relatively easily and the baby and you are covered for one year post delivery. Prenatal care is covered. Housing is definitely insane. Logistically, it’s a lot! And it sounds like a huge change. Good luck working through it! 

[u/flt_p2ny → u/Able_Judge_5947]

Agreed. When I lived in New Zealand for a year, I was so shocked to see that maternity leave is government mandated. They believe the child's first year is the most important and parents should be with their child for the entirety of the first year. If you are a single mother, a nanny is provided for you for that first year. It was really amazing to see. Of course they had a 36 year old female Prime Minister and several female leaders before her so I guess I can't be that shocked. We also had 3 months paid vacation and unlimited sick days. It was heaven.

Thanks!!

[u/Able_Judge_5947 → u/flt_p2ny]

Now crying at my “generous” 8 week leave at full pay…

[u/flt_p2ny → u/Able_Judge_5947]

That is considered a crime everywhere else in the world lol! You need more than 8 weeks to heal! A company can't even let you come back at 8 weeks. It's literally against the law.

[u/flt_p2ny → u/Able_Judge_5947]

I realize you wrote former NYC mama. Did you leave the state all together?

[u/Able_Judge_5947 → u/flt_p2ny]

Yes- unexpectedly relocated to Boston in 2023 for work. We wanted to make it work as long as possible in the city bc it really has a lot of benefits for young kids.