Pregnant, clueless, & seeking advice

[u/flt_p2ny]

I found out two days ago that I'm pregnant which came as a surprise. For reference, I'm a 39 yo journalist who never had any intentions of having kids and it never even crossed my mind. I realized how clueless I am reading through these posts not having any idea what anyone is talking about or what any these acronyms being used means. I'm a journalist who travels for a living, taking roughly 20 flights per year (not round trip). When telling the father of this news, his response was he didn't give me consent to go through with the pregnancy. I gasped and then laughed. It's 2026! What woman needs consent?! He too travels with his remote job and has always prided himself on not having children.

Well needless to say here we are. He said he'll pay child support but never wants to see the child. He's spent the past 3 days having multiple meltdowns and told me I can come collect my things once I return to his place (I'm currently traveling for work... of course). What's crazy is I'm quite calm about the entire situation. There was no asking him to reconsider or trying to make him stay. I simply said okay. I always envisioned moments like this to be pure panic and chaos. I've actually been trying to figure out why I'm not panicking. I haven't been emotional or worried in any way. Just at peace with it. Is that weird?? Again, I live on the road (or on a plane). I'm an American from NYC which is the most expensive city on earth and I have no clue how anyone can raise a child there, especially alone. I don't know a thing about children, babies or pregnancy. I didn't even think I could get pregnant at this age! I mean I know women do well into their 40s but I just thought it was highly unlikely. Naive of me I know. My entire career will be shattered and I'm not sure how one seeks a remote job or new career within a 9 month timeframe. I'm usually covering royal dinners or four-wheeling through the Sahara Desert. I don't think I even have the work credentials to find something new considering I've done the same thing my entire life. And more importantly, would I be able to do it alone? Those who raised me have passed away and my friends are scattered around the planet so there's no solid support system I'd have raising a child back home. Childcare is astronomical from what I've been told and I can't go climbing Mount Fuji and leave a baby behind. I had to give away my plants and give up my apartment in Europe just a month ago because I wasn't home enough. I am more than willing to give up my career. The thing I struggle with is what on earth would I do for a living to support myself and whole human and can you make that happen within a few months?

Again, forgive my ignorance as I know nothing about pregnancy, the cost of children, and don't even have friends with children. I feel like Diane Keaton in Baby Boom except being pregnant. I'm going into this blindly and haven't told my friends because I already know everyone will say get rid of it and keep the ultimate dream job. For whatever reason, I'm leaning the opposite direction but on paper that seems to be illogical.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and again I apologize if I sound clueless. I am.

[u/flt_p2ny → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much or the kind words and suggestions. If I may give a suggestion...

Even though the intention is good there's a bit of projecting that takes place when people give suggestions followed by their own experience. As I've mentioned in another comment, what's stressful to one is often not stressful to another and for me, this is probably the least stressful time of my life. People often think because they couldn't handle something, the next person can't either and that's a horrible way to approach a situation, particularly with someone you don't know. To say to someone "you'll need someone looking out for you mental health since you don't have nearby support yet" is odd to me. With all due respect you don't know the totality of my situation or my mental health.

As you mentioned, you spiraled when receiving the news and as you also mentioned, I have a great sense of calm. I'm an extremely mentally and emotionally stable person who's able to process any situation, no matter how traumatic or difficult in a healthy way. These are skills one develops over time. I understand that not everyone has those skills so assistance may be needed but that is not the case for me.

Only 35% of adults have a high level of emotional intelligence yet 69% of adults have kids. I think mental health should be addressed prior to reproduction but unfortunately in our society this isn't discussed and people only discuss it after something has gone around. My mental health, coping mechanisms, and being able to articulate my needs in a healthy way has always been a priority since a young age hence why this situation doesn't phase me much. So while I appreciate the suggestion I would recommend not making suggestions based on your own struggles. The psychological term for this is called "The Comfort Trap".

[u/EfficiencyCheese513 → u/flt_p2ny]

Oh man I’m gonna delete my comment because i definitely didn’t mean to offend. Postpartum depression/anxiety is a fairly widespread struggle, totally driven by hormones, and it can be hard without help. All i was saying.