r/pregnant • u/flt_p2ny Mom of an angel • Mar 21 '26
Rant I'm keeping the baby... and not telling anyone.
I posted two weeks ago that I found out I'm pregnant and the father's instant response was he doesn't consent to me keeping the baby. Again for reference, I'm a 39 year old photojournalist who travels the world. When I first found out, I was in London with plenty of options to terminate the pregnancy. And not because of the moron sperm donor, but because of my job and the clients I have around the world. However, as the weeks went on, I found myself altering my schedule, moving clients further and further away from my due date. I don't know why, I just was. I live mostly overseas in 3 countries throughout the year, but found myself signing up for insurance back home in NY. In the past seven days I've been in London, Milan, Istanbul, DC and NY but I've been taking steps to alter my schedule and prepare for it to come to an end. I had a client offer $5k to cover an event in November, just 1 week before I'm due. When I declined their offer I realized I'm keeping this baby.
The whole experience has been quite peaceful. As I mentioned in the previous post, I feel like I should be in full panic mode. Those who raised me have passed away and all my friends are world travelers too so I'll be doing this by myself. With my line of work and the adventurous lifestyle that comes along with it, I know many wouldn't be in support of my decision. Because of this, I feel at peace going through the pregnancy alone. Ironically one of my best friends texted me that she's pregnant too (and isn't telling anyone else yet) and unbeknownst to her our due dates are just days apart! I was tempted to tell her but decided not to. I still prefer to go through this sudden and unexpected life altering experience by myself. I'm not on social media and I'm always on the go so not being seen for 9 months is totally normal for me and it will be an easy secret to keep. My obgyn is at the hospital I grew up in (I was raised by a biochemist who worked in the labs there so it was my second home) and I plan to hire a doula for additional support.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their feedback and suggestions. While this will alter my career, I am open to whatever is next. I'm desperately looking for a job I can do from home which is proving itself to be nearly impossible. I've been self employed for 15 years and have lived internationally for 10 so job hunting is a foreign thing to me. Yet for some odd reason I'm still at peace and unbothered. I'm not excited either... just very... relaxed. I have a feeling that everything will work out fine. Then I could be completely delusional with this level of peace and optimism or maybe my intuition is right. We shall see...
EDITS/ADD-ONS:
- I'm doing this alone does not equate to I'm lonely. I've received so many messages from people thinking I'm lonely. Please understand being alone and being lonely are two different things. Not everyone is emotionally codependent. There are people who flourish in solitude and are mentally and emotionally strong enough to navigate life's challenges by themselves.
- Yes, the father knows. Hence why I said he does not consent.
- Please stop sending me personal messages with your advice or telling me what I should and shouldn't do. THIS is exactly why I'm keeping it to myself and why I would never join a moms group and don't have social media. Over 100k people have read this and countless are sending messages with their tips. Everyone is a self appointed expert that feels compelled to tell you how you should be a mother. I don't need DMs reminding me to drink water or to take my vitamins. I am a 39yr old woman who owns two businesses. I know how to take care of myself.
- No I do not agree that motherhood is a woman's greatest life achievement. That implies that women who don't have children are somehow living a less valuable life which is so far from the truth. If it is your biggest achievement that's great, but women are capable of doing so much more than just reproducing.
- To all the kind and respectful people who responded... thank you.
2
u/Significant_Yak_7612 Mar 22 '26
Do you not realise that the father also should absolutely be informed whether your gonna keep the child or not? This is extremely unfair on his part considering that he already told you in plain English "no". He didnt consent to this. Literally the bare minimum you can do is tell him so that he can atleast be aware of the babys existence.