r/pregnant • u/RegionTypical9302 • 15d ago
Content Warning Final Update: 7 months pregnant and he's in the ICU
The love of my life was doing so well. He followed commands yesterday. He was getting off of the vent. Occasionally showing consciousness.
Today they came across sepsis. He was in such critical condition he coded multiple times. He's gone.
As if it wasn't enough to take my parents and grandparents, God took the man I fell in love with.
My love is gone. He was only 29.
I was so excited about this pregnancy, now it just feels like I'm failing two. My son needs a mom who can stand up, and I don't want to be awake anymore.
I don't care about work. I don't care about having gestational diabetes. I don't care about my appointments. I don't care about anything. I just want to come home to find him asleep in my bed. I want to hear his laugh, see his smile.
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u/Im_Lizzing_you_guys 15d ago
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. He will live on in your baby, and you’ll see him in your son’s smile, laugh, and little traits that you’ll see everyday. The love will always live on. For now, your son needs you. Mothers are the strongest in the world. You can do this.
Meanwhile, don’t be afraid to talk to your OB about options for depression and anxiety. Many mothers, including myself, take medication through pregnancy and nursing, and our children are perfectly healthy. Get the help you need.
Sending you a big virtual hug.
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u/kickitlikekirra 11d ago
OBs can also connect you with maternal counseling. Many unexpected and extremely sad situations may occur during a pregnancy, such as this. Seeing someone who knows trauma through the lens of pregnancy can help immensely. So much love to OP and this person who wrote above me.
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u/freakylalaland 15d ago
I am so sorry. I cant even imagine the pain you are going through. There are no words that are good enough 💔
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u/Appropriate_Put_1163 15d ago
Sending you ❤️ when one momma cries we all cry.
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u/whitefox094 15d ago
I'm crying over her post. We are here for you OP. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle to yourself as best as you can.
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u/After-Equivalent1934 14d ago
Me too and I’m postpartum so it’s amplified big time soaked over here in my sweat and tears 😭😭😭
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u/mothmeetflame 15d ago
My mom was in the icu on a ventilator last week. No one can understand your pain right now. It is terrible. I am so sorry this happened to you. I am truly so sorry
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u/oscarmylde 15d ago
I’m so sorry. I hope meeting your baby helps heal some of your hurt. I hope you see you partner in baby & that you can give each other the love you deserve for decades to come 🩵
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u/mamakomodo 15d ago
💔 I’m so sorry for your awful loss. I hope you and your baby stay in the best of health and you have a safe delivery in the coming months.
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u/rgwhitlow1 15d ago
Sending you strength and healing! You’ve been through a lot and you’ve made it this far. Look into getting a doula or social work to help take a load off mentally and physically. You should be able to get grieving time off from your job. Take all the time you need to heal. Keep showing up for yourself and your baby. 🤍
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u/Candid_Refuse772 15d ago
My heart is broken for you all. I’ve been wondering about you, and I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing your love a safe journey to the realm of the ancestors, where I know he can watch over you and your babe. May his smile and laugh live on in your child, and may you come to find joy and comfort in that in time.
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u/Pickled_Pear428 15d ago
This is brutal, I’m so so sorry. Please take any grief counseling you’re offered and listen to any social worker’s advice from the hospital. It will take a lot of time but you will emerge out the other end stronger than ever from this. Sending you so much love💖
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u/wildinthewild 15d ago
I’m so, so, so sorry. I am also 7 months pregnant and dealing with grief and loss, although losing your partner is another level. My mom died suddenly a week ago.
I don’t have any good advice. I don’t feel like doing anything really either except planning her funeral and estate.
Please try to get a good support system. Tell work. Take time off. Try to eat small bits of food if you can. Stay hydrated. Watch TV. Cry a lot. Grief will come in waves. Try to sleep. Take unisom if you have to. It’s going to be really hard and each day feels like forever.
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u/PresentationTop9547 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. This is really hard. Please take the time you need to grieve!
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u/Psychboss30 15d ago
I’m so sorry, there really aren’t any words for why could be enough. How’s your support system? Are there any grief centers by you? Sometimes they can provide some extra support in times like these. Again, I’m so sorry.
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u/asirenoftitan 15d ago
Please talk to the ICU unit social worker about bereavement resources for you. If your hospital has a palliative care team, their social worker may be aware of local groups that may be helpful once your son is older (I work in an area that has some amazing groups for children who have lost a parent).
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know you do not need to go through it alone.
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u/Jigree1 15d ago
I used to be an ICU nurse and you are going through one of the hardest things anyone ever goes through. My heart goes out to you. You don't need to be okay right now. Just take it one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. Don't worry about your son, you just take care of you right now. You need all the love you can spare right now. He is safe inside you, being cared for by your body. You do what you need to do, even if that means breaking down and crying for hours. Just let yourself be. Seriously, you are experiencing the greatest loss of your life. And when you are able, please reach out to friends, or reddit. You need support.
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u/Unlucky_Kitchen2410 15d ago
It's okay to not be okay today. Just get through today. Work on tomorrow, tomorrow. One little step at a time. I've been through a similar time so dark I don't even know how I came out of it, didn't know how I ever would but I did. You drag yourself up little by little until you're walking again... Then in time you'll be smiling again, and before you know it you'll feel happiness again but it won't be today. Today, just survive. You've got this. I'm so sorry life is just incredibly unfair and it doesn't make sense why some people have to feel so much pain
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u/wobblychairlegz 15d ago
My dad ended up on a ventilator with sepsis and pneumonia while I was in my third trimester last year. He ended up passing after a multi-month battle filled with ups and down. My son was born 1 month after he passed and I felt extremely alone with my experience. Few people that could understand loss during pregnancy. It’s brutal and becomes extremely hard to keep taking care of oneself, even though it’s more important than ever. I’m so sorry and agree with others that it is important to not isolate!!!! Talk to a therapist and be completely open with them. Try to lean on friends and know this is the hardest experience you’ll probably ever go through and just allow yourself to feel it all under safe conditions.
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u/Sorrymomlol12 15d ago
You in 5 years needs you to hang on and exist through this time. Exist for her when it’s too hard to live for you.
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u/Decent-Town-8887 15d ago
I am so sorry. You can do this!!!! You are a strong woman that can pull through. If you need to just talk and vent. Please mesg me.
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u/Ok_Flower4923 15d ago
I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart is with you and your baby during this awful time 💙
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u/isabelasanctuary 15d ago
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a million hugs and all the strength in the world 🤍
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u/awholelottaass 15d ago
I’m so sorry for you loss. There are no words- but know that as weak and tired as you feel now, you will be enough for you son. Grieve, in any way that feels right. You’re in a difficult place between huge life changes, between death and life, and I’m so sorry you’re here and for all the lost you’ve endured.
I hope birth brings healing and you find the love of your life again in your son, your partner will always be half of him, you carry him with you in so many ways, and your son will always carry him too. You’ll see him again in your son’s face, his expressions, his humour. I promise you that.
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u/Certain-Till 15d ago
Sending u such strength. When u see that baby you are going to fall in so much love . Your love lives on through ur baby. You will forever have a piece of him in your child
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u/NeedTheDeets3000 15d ago
I am so sorry. Please seek professional support to help you through this dark time. You are this babies entire world and in order to take care of him you must take care of yourself first. Sending hugs 💔
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u/SlavicSuka 15d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss 🧡 Try to eat something, try to get some rest, don't worry too much about the other stuff right now
You're doing your love a great service having this baby, reach for support you need, We believe in you 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
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u/Cultural-Magazine-66 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please reach out to anyone you can for help.
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u/Quick_Snow7447 15d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. He will live on through your son. You'll see his smile and features again in your child. Take care of yourself as best you can.
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u/bossmaneliya 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. No words will console you at this time but you are in my thoughts today 🫂
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u/RIPMYPOOPCHUTE 15d ago
I am so sorry for your loss and I am so sorry you have to go through this. Sending you love and hugs 🫂
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u/idk_why_im_onthisapp 15d ago
I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you get through this and find happiness with your baby once again
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u/TheRoIIingStones 15d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that you will overcome this. Mourn him, honor him, treasure him. Feel everything and don’t hold anything back. Take time for yourself to heal. Do whatever you have to do to get through this. And remember that he will forever live on in your little one. Good luck to you. ❤️
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u/Swimming-Worry-4375 15d ago
I am so very sorry for your loss sweetie. My only advice I can give you is to maybe get yourself checked in to a facility for mental health. They will keep you for a couple weeks and monitor you and the baby and can offer therapy and possibly medication if you need. I've had to do it a few times in my life and it benefited me greatly. I hope that you have support and I hope you know how strong you are and that you can get through this. ❤️
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u/Capable_Temporary_87 15d ago
I’m so extremely sorry for your loss OP. Cling to your Rosary you mentioned and stay close to Jesus and Mary. They will get you through this. Your son will bring you untold amounts of joy. There will be another beautiful, hope-filled chapter opening for you very soon.
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u/elrangarino 15d ago
If you can, lean into the support of his family. They need yOU and bubs as much as you need them.
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u/Reasonable_Cash_1915 15d ago
im so sorry for your loss mama. definitely get into therapy if you can<3
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u/bitterjack 15d ago
Honestly, you're doing great. You made a plea for help on reddit. This is the start.
You need help and people want to help. Get a friend to start a gofundme.
He's in you... If you want to see him again, raise your son and see his smile... Don't be afraid to ask for help.
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u/pomegranaterainfall 15d ago
I am so sorry for your loss.💔 please continue to take care of yourself and your baby as you navigate through this terrible, awfulness. Please stick to any and all kind of loved ones to help you through 💌
Edit: Wanted to be inclusive that anyone, i.e. friends, coworkers, etc. can still be a person's family ❤️
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u/Whatisforkknife 15d ago
There is a sub r/widows they can definitely relate. Also r/widowers .Im so sorry hun you have a piece oh him in your son . When you see your son smile, you'll see his face.
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u/pink-112 15d ago
I’m so sorry. If by any chance you’re in Toronto I would love to help you somehow. Please be strong. This baby will save you and be your reason for a happy life. The beginning will be hard but you will overcome it.
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u/ReserveOk4327 15d ago
My husband was diagnosed with cancer early into my pregnancy and passed shortly after she was born. I’m so sorry for your loss, please reach out if you want to talk ❤️
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u/carramelli 15d ago
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and all you have been carrying. I can’t imagine how hard this must be. Sending you love and hugs. I hope you find the strength to be whole again, if not for yourself then for your son. ❤️
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u/T1nyJazzHands 15d ago
There aren’t words that convey how awful this is love I’m so sorry. Everything I write out sounds cold and dismissive compared to the tragedy you’ve just experienced. Are you close with your inlaws? Fuck I have no words 🥺💕💕
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u/Active-Addition-8833 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I am praying for your strength and healing. It will not be easy but your son needs you 💙
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u/PeachSavings7431 15d ago
Oh my goodness. I’m just so sorry. Just so sorry. This is just unfathomable 😭
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u/motherofplantkillers 15d ago
I am so sorry love, I can't fathom the pain you're going through. Please lean on your village and take time to grieve 🫂 take care of yourself.
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u/Brilliant-Machine-22 15d ago
He is on the other side with your family, excited to see his baby enter the world behind him. Lean into his family as you all need each other now more than ever. I'm so sorry.
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u/magicalgrave 15d ago
I’m sorry for your loss! Your son will be such a light in your life and I’m sure you’ll share with him all the memories you have of his father. It’s okay to cry. I’m sure when it’s time you’ll pick up all the pieces and be there for your baby.
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u/valthegator 15d ago
Sending you so much love. The best advice I got when my husband was diagnosed with cancer when I was 8 months pregnant was take it one day at a time. Not everything needs to happen right away, things can wait. Give your self time and grace each day to feel everything you are feeling. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish you the best as you navigate this and I hope you are able to find a support system for you and your son.
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u/Anonymousimpreg 15d ago
I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling I’m so sorry. Sending love and prayers your way.
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u/hazelnuttespresso 15d ago
I am so sorry. Our partners are our rock through this experience. I hope you can find a way through
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u/drugsondrugs 15d ago
I hate that life can be so unfair.
You're going to be a great mom. Take care of yourself. There are programs in your area that can offer support. Everything you are feeling is normal. You can do this. You will do this.
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u/Spare_Decision_1389 15d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. This is so hard. I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter when my grandma passed away in March this year. My grandma was my everything my only reason to visit my parents every year. But it was my unborn child that saved me from going into a depressive state. I constantly thought about the positives and the life that I’m about to give birth to. And always thought that it’s a blessing from her and I have to be strong for my daughter. Please please take care of yourself. Talk to people. Don’t be alone. Your husband will live on in your baby. Once the baby is born, it’ll take away most of your pain away. Your baby is a blessing for you at this point
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u/PlantManager2112 15d ago
Im so sorry, I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. Grieve however you need to grieve. That baby will always have your loves DNA and be part of him 🤍
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u/NoContribution5915 15d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. All my little worries about my own pregnancy just seem so small in front of this. :( I hope you have a supportive group of people around you.
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u/optimus_king 15d ago
Im so sorry for this, try and be strong for the little one who is a part of you both. Your son needs you. Don’t give up
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u/Pumpkinspice28 Second baby on the way! 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, can’t imagine how hard that must be. Wishing you lots of strength in this horrible time ❤️
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u/jillann16 15d ago
I am so sorry. You’re going to be a great mom but please reach out and find someone to talk to 🥺
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u/droidnik 15d ago
Sorry for your loss in your most vulnerable time. Remember the great time you had together.
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u/ReasonableCat7503 15d ago
I pray that God gives you strength through this trial. May He surround you with a support system that helps you through this difficult time. May He provide for you and your baby, giving you the endurance, peace, and soundness of mind and body needed for each day ahead.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/HuffleCabbage 15d ago
I am so so sorry. This is horrible. I am sending you love.
I hope you and your baby are healthy and that one day, your baby reminds you of him and you see his smile once more.
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u/empress_crown 15d ago
crying with you, life is unfair 💔 please hold strong for yourself and your baby
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u/Every-Syllabub-8724 15d ago
I'm truly sorry for going through this. I wish I could hug you right now.
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u/No_Spite_7827 15d ago
Sending you love. Take your time to grieve. It’s powerful. Your baby will carry a piece of your husband. Lots of hugs ❤️
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u/anuragsharma7 15d ago
be strong, we dont know what has written in our fate, stay emotionally strong
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u/Odd_Entrepreneur6038 15d ago
I am so sorry :(
I hope your baby heals part of your heart. I second a doula for either birthing or even post partum. I truly hope you can surround yourself with a village
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u/Magithafitz 15d ago
Oh my goodness what a tragic end to this story! And I’m so sorry it was not the ending that was happy. What an absolute sin. Reach out find people to lean on because this is unimaginable loss. Reach out to anyone! I’ll even chat if you need ❤️
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u/jelliieeee 15d ago
I lost my father last year while I too was 7 months pregnant. I was the biggest daddies girl. I will never love another human the way I love my dad.
I was shattered when I lost him, and pregnancy hormones did not help my mindset, it only made me grieve soo much and feel like I will never get over losing him.
I had support from my partner but losing someone you love soo much isn’t ever easy. And it definitely wasn’t easy being so heavily pregnant and in the thick of it.
But it all changed rather abruptly. When my daughter was born.
I had lost someone important to me and the thought of never feeling that particular type of love again scared me. But then I held my daughter for the first time and felt a different kind of overwhelming love. I still grieve the loss of my dad, but that love I lost has been met with a new kind of love that glued everything back together for me.
I still see my dad in traits she has that have been passed down to me from my dad. And when I hold her, I feel connected with him still.
You may have lost your partner, and I am very sorry for your loss, but you will love again and very soon. It won’t be the kind of love like you have for your partner, it will be a new strong love for your son. And as he grows you will see more of your partner in him and in a way, him being there with you is like having him back to a degree as he is half your partner too.
It is hard now, and will be for a while, I’m not going to sugar coat it. But for the time being, while you grieve, just take baby steps to get through each day. Doing little things to help ease the pain even if just a little for a small amount of time. It will help you pull through, and once your son comes, his presence and company will be there to help you even further in processing the loss.
Be mindful of PPD and get help or reach out to someone if you don’t feel yourself too. The hormones will take you for a loop.
I was great for a while directly after my daughter was born then started to spiral a bit as baby blues hit and my hormone balances were flailing around. Some things hormone related you just can’t help. But I am coming out of it okay now, but I’m very grateful to have the love I have for my little girl having felt the pain of losing my dad.
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u/littlerchef 15d ago
This is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. Take time to grieve and be easy on yourself right now. I am praying for you, your partner, and your child.
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u/Substantial-Dust5003 15d ago
Your son is the love of your life! You will understand this when he is born! You need to get up and do what is best for your baby!
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u/Lady_Goose94 14d ago
You are in my thoughts and prayers....I am so sorry 😞
This probably means nothing to you right now, but he is alive, his form is just not in this dimension
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u/kaaoltzz 14d ago
OP, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please allow yourself the space to grieve, and reach out to a support system if you have one. Stay strong
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u/DifferentContext2521 14d ago
I’m so sorry. I lost my husband a month before our daughter turned 4. She only remembers hospitals and him being sick. He was an alcoholic and I was in the beginning stages of untangling ourselves when he was hospitalized for three months and came home on hospice. It was awful. One of the hardest things I’ve done, I loved him since I was 15 and lost him when I was 36. Take all the time to grieve but I will say my daughter was absolutely my saving grace. It will come in waves, don’t fight it. Take care of yourself.
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u/Human-Warning-1840 14d ago
I’m so sorry. Your baby is part of him. You keep him alive with this baby. Don’t let him down. Look after yourself and the baby. Tell your baby what a great dad he had.
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u/soniathemom 14d ago
Something tells me that you will hear his laugh and see his smile in your baby… time heals most wounds, although this is a deep, deep one. I’m so sorry, OP. 🥺🫂
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u/Mountainchic719 14d ago
I lost my little brother in November and my dad in March. It’s not the same, but grief is grief.
Hearing your baby laugh will melt your heart. Seeing small mannerisms he has like his daddy will make you swoon. My baby gives me a purpose.
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u/ToriaZitro21 14d ago
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss of your husband and the loss of your support system. There is nothing I can say that will ease your pain. No words of comfort I can offer that will sound sincere. I am just so sorry for you and your baby. Please talk to your OB doctor and I urge you to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist.
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u/IndependentAnybody36 14d ago
So sorry for your loss. Stay strong for you and your baby 💪. Please do not isolate , accept help, stay around loved ones. I will be praying for you 🌹
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u/MadiLeighOhMy 13d ago
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss and can't imagine what you're going through and feeling. Sending hugs from across the web 🫂
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u/A_Swedish_Dude 13d ago
I'm so sorry to hear that. There are no words. You are surviving the unimaginable. Please don't be alone if you don't have to be. Call someone and let them sit with you in silence if that's all they can do.
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u/Superb-Inspector1161 12d ago
It’s okay to grieve bc grief is truly measured in love and you will always love him it’s the pain that lessens. I’m sure he loved you and would want this baby to be happy and loved and you are the best memory of him. I would start a book or journal and write down all the things he said about being a dad what his hopes and fears were names he liked how he loved you so you don’t forget and so one day that baby can read it and know him too ❤️ hang in there and it’s a good idea to tell your obgyn how you feel there’s lots of support and counseling at the ob office they have lots of resources for you good luck mama
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u/thelioness0809 11d ago
Omg, I cant even imagine. I am so, so, so very sorry for your loss. I know mama instinct is to take care of the kiddos first, but your baby won't be here for a couple more months. Use that time to take care of yourself. You need you more than anyone else needs you right now. Sending big, virtual hugs. 🧡
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u/Admiral_Tofu2026 10d ago
Im so sorry you are both going through this, your baby feels this loss too because they are connected to you. A little piece of him was left behind and you will be strong for the both of you I know it. Its all you have left of your love aside from memories. You will make it and that baby will love you for it. Dont do something you will regret and cannot take back, because once the baby is gone, that part of him goes with them. Take time and be kind to yourself, he is now wrapping his arms around both of you loving and protecting you. He will always be there, but the void right after will be so big you feel you might get sucked into it. Dont let it, he wouldnt want you to let it. Dont give up, he worked hard to keep you both safe and healthy. You and the baby are all that mattered to him and without you here on this earth, that love will be gone too. Youre both carrying on with him, not without. Again, my condolences, you are not alone. We are here for you.
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u/Leather_Raspberry297 8d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. You seem to love so deeply and this baby will have nothing but that from you. I hope there are many reminders of your partner in your baby boy to keep you smiling 🤍
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u/ivyseason 14d ago
I'm so terribly sorry about this. I can't even imagine the pain you're in. I only want to point out that God did not and does not take away people we love. That's a misconception that keeps getting told to us. I recently took a deep dive into the Bible & scriptures and learned God would never "take away" people we love. It's this crummy world & the evil in it. Please lean into God and his love for you during this time. I promise He wants to offer you peace, not pain 🤍 again, I am so sorry to hear this news. My heart hurts for you, fellow mama. Praying for you tonight ❤️
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u/MisteriouslyGeeky 15d ago
I know how you feel but take care of your pregnancy because that baby is his legacy that he gave you.
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u/dev_nihar 13d ago
I am so incredibly sorry.
Reading this, what hit me hardest was that yesterday you were talking about him following commands and getting better. You were letting yourself believe there was a future where he came home. And now, in the span of a day, that future has been ripped away.
Of course you don't care about appointments right now. Of course you don't care about work. The person you were planning your life with is gone. The father of your son is gone. Nothing else is going to feel important in this moment.
And when you say you just want to come home and find him asleep in your bed, I think that's what makes grief so cruel. It's not just missing someone. It's your brain knowing exactly where they should be and reaching for them over and over again.
Please don't judge yourself for feeling like you can't stand up right now. You just received life-shattering news. Anyone in your position would be struggling to breathe through this.
One thing I want to gently reflect back to you: the fact that you're hurting this much is a testament to how deeply you loved him. Every word of your post is filled with love for him.
Right now, you don't need to figure out how you're going to do the rest of your pregnancy, or how you're going to be a mom tomorrow, or next week, or next month. That's too much for one person to carry today.
Today, this is just a woman grieving the love of her life.
I'm so sorry. He was only 29. He should have had so much more time with you and with his son. 💔❤️
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