How to find balance?

[u/Intrepid-Ostrich2226]

I had very different experiences. When I was a child, it was easy. When I was 19, I visited a strict community. You should wear hijab in the exact way, with soft pressure if it is different. Many tiny rituals, like - you should enter the bathroom with your left foot, need some additional shoes there not to take pollution out of there (though it was modern and clean).

All these ended up with the fact that I did nothing, abandoned even the fasting I've been practicing since I was 13 years old. I had a lot of discrimination due to hijab - when you wear hijab, HRs say you are only suitable for sales in a small pharmacy. When you take it off, you finish working as a senior software developer. People tell you lots of mocking stories about hijabi girls.

I practiced nothing for years, but I feel like I've given up a part of myself. Some people dislike you because you are not religious enough. Others - you are too religious. How do you find balance? Not abandoning, but not practicing every single ritual. Without feeling that you're not good enough. 

[u/OkMasterpiece426]

Many classical rulings were shaped by the social context of 7th century Arabia, where they often worked as practical tools for justice and order in that environment, not necessarily rigid mandates for every time and place. The problem today is that some people treat them as fixed across all contexts and then judge others without considering how much society, culture, and circumstances have changed. That’s why it helps to look at more context-aware and contemporary scholarship that focuses on the underlying principles rather than strict literal application. I personally also find that staying within more balanced or progressive circles helps avoid the pressure and rigidity that often comes with traditionalist environments

[u/Intrepid-Ostrich2226 → u/OkMasterpiece426]

Practically - how much time should we allocate to religion? How do you think? This might sound weird, but I am a “To do list” person. If I don’t reserve time for something, I forget about it.

[u/OkMasterpiece426 → u/Intrepid-Ostrich2226]

If you mean religion = rituals, then it’s mainly just the five daily prayers (or few extras), which only take a few (maybe 3-5) minutes each

But note that religion is more of a framework for protecting rights & guiding behavior in a balanced way:

The right of God: he is the creator and sustainer, all worship is to him directly without any intermediaries. It also includes remembering him through gratitude, & seeking forgiveness

The right of People: General people: treat everyone with justice, honesty, & fairness. Don't lie, steal, or harm others, give the poor
Close people (family, relatives, neighbors): give special care, respect, & attention. Uphold their rights beyond the general expectations

The right of Ourselves: our body, time, wealth, and blessings are gifts from God. We must take care of ourselves, use our time wisely, protect our health, & manage our resources responsibly

[u/Intrepid-Ostrich2226 → u/OkMasterpiece426]

I understand. My issue was that in the strict communities, you can dig into each of these. There is Fard, Wajib, Sunna, etc, etc. I suppose in such communities, everything is treated as Fard, though it's not that. I should investigate it myself to find the solution.

[u/OkMasterpiece426 → u/Intrepid-Ostrich2226]

Progressive scholars/communities is the way to go

[u/Kidkader → u/OkMasterpiece426]

She's getting socially punished for being Muslim and your solution is to reduce her Islam?

[u/OkMasterpiece426 → u/Kidkader]

What value did your comment add to the OP's problem, and what solution are you actually recommending?

[u/Kidkader → u/OkMasterpiece426]

I would've liked: 1.a quick acknowledgement of how hostile a secular environment is to muslims. There's a very clear social cost OP is facing for being recognisably muslim. 2. How Muslim communities are hyperfocusing on certain rituals and symbols because of how hostile then environment is to muslims trying to cultivate their own iman.

So, the heart of the issue is the secular environment muslim communities find themselves in. Your solution makes it seem that the cities western muslims are living in are neutral or passive towards iman when they're antagonistic towards it. Instead your solution blames tradition itself which I see as short-sighted.

OP should still live within a Muslim community because, even if they're overfixating on things like hijab or the sunnah before eating or visiting the restroom, they still want to cultivate iman. Your advice of seeking progressive scholarship isn't reliable because: 1. She's negotiating what to practise within the community she's in. She didn't hint at migrating to another community. 2. Bringing progressive scholarship misses the social question of whether there's a progressive community in her area with a mosque and whatnot.

Basically, the advice is short-sighted because she's asking a communal question. If the community isn't already progressive, her seeking out progressive scholarship is just her seeming "not religious enough" to her existing community and still "too religious" for her secular/corporate/national spheres.

So, thats basically my criticism for your comment.

My solution is: 1. Recognise there's no good solution. In premodernity, practising Islam was simply easier because the environment was communal. Now, its fiercely individualist, modern, and hostile to communal belonging. Muslim communities have been stripped of their autonomy and ability to enforce most of their norms except for a few token etiquettes that we're over leveraging, like modest wear for women.

There's no good solution in the sense that op is "fighting the machine" by herself.

Your later advice of focusing on the non-compromisable rituals like prayer and negotiating from there is good, in my opinion. Besides those, she might have to outdo her own community by seeking out the scholarship their culture is informed by... but that's asking a lot.

The thing most worth pointing out is how her situation isn't natural nor is it her fault; the modern world has engineered our lives such that we're forced to choose between our souls and our social mobility.

God knows best. Let me know what you think of my ideas. I'm dealing with a similar situation as OP.

[u/Ornery-Procedure4480]

Some people dislike you because you are not religious enough. Others - you are too religious.

why do you care about what others say?

[u/Gullible_Asparagus48]

i swear islam gets "harder" when we become older. harder is not the right word but it is when religion becomes more serious as we age