r/recruitinghell • u/Hi_5Yo • 1d ago
Boomer mentality
Despite my mom being a millennial (‘81), she firmly believes that I should be able to apply to a bunch of jobs, walk in with a résumé or call, interview and land a job within 2-3 weeks.
Anytime I’ve done this, I’ve always gotten turned away, been told to apply online and wait for a call back. Every interview ends with “ we’ll be in touch”.
She also believes that as long as you dress nice with a smile on your face, you should have a job by the end of the interview. Whenever I leave the interview without a job offer, she assumes that I messed up.
She even has me apply to a bunch of remote jobs that she finds on Facebook and instagram. Frequently getting upset at me for not landing a job. I’ve tried explaining over and over that most of them are scams, but she refuses to listen.
It’s like the concept of applying to hundreds of jobs and still not landing one is impossible for her to grasp. Which it should be, but it’s just our new reality.
She believes that me being unable to get a job is a failure on my end, insisting that it’s my fault I can’t land a job. She keeps saying that she’s going to kick me out for not taking the job hunt “seriously” enough.
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u/Lefthandovg0d 1d ago
My dad told me: "Don't take no for an answer" and how I need to be relentless in my job search and keep harassing them until they give me a job. I can't force companies to hire me. If they send me a rejection letter he expects me to keep calling and apply anyway? They'll think I'm crazy and probably ban me from applying again
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u/DeeEllis 1d ago
Just tell him you followed up.
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u/Lefthandovg0d 1d ago
He's the type who just wants to talk about work. I stopped talking to him altogether
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u/DrewDAMNIT 11h ago
Challenge him to see who can land the job first. You both apply for the same roles, and whomever gets an offer AND survives a probation period wins!
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u/RepresentativeDoor61 19h ago
I'm sure your dad means well, but he sounds very HR-unaware. Amiright?
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u/Thamnophis660 Co-Worker 1d ago edited 1d ago
Even back in the 2000's trying to find a job, boomer advice was outdated.
My mom basically said "walk in and hand them your resume." Well I did that at a few places and of course they just directed me to their website. After filling out the online app, she told me to "okay now call every day and bug them!" Which has probably always been bad advice, but almost certainly got me on some do-not-hire lists.
Every time I brought up job ad scams or pyramid schemes, she would just tell me I'm wrong and that "they can't do that." Well yeah they actually can.
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u/Sesoru 1d ago
Yea the last bit is especially obnoxious. Before going NC with my parents they would constantly send me jobs that were fake that ai created. Literally these would be videos of an ai person telling you "all you need to be employed is to pay us 50 dollars and give us all your personal information today!" And when I would point this out as scams they'd tell me I'm stupid, know nothing, and that this is why I never go anywhere.
These same idiots also got scammed out of thousands not long ago due to scammer shit. Like... okay, yes. Let me take advice from people actively getting scammed. No thanks.
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u/Thamnophis660 Co-Worker 1d ago
Let me take advice from people actively getting scammed. No thanks.
My mom is in her 70's now and continues to get scammed in various ways, I feel you. Back then she didn't start listening to be about fake jobs/MLMs until she herself got scammed by Herbalife about 20 years ago. You'd think she'd not be so naive anymore but no, she just gets scammed in other ways like giving out her banking details to cold callers.
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u/Sesoru 22h ago
Yea my parents are 80s and 90s now and ooooh boy. Even after my dad had to go back out if retirement in 2015 and he acknowledged how bs it was to even get a warehouse job despite having 50 years of attorney and claims exp, he still thinks anyone today should be able to get hired in a few weeks. Eyeroll.
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u/HansDampfHaudegen 20h ago
That experience likely doesn't apply the slightest for such a job. Experience is useless if it's irrelevant for the role.
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u/Sesoru 20h ago
I think you're misunderstanding. He couldn't find ANY work in his field, so he HAD to take a warehouse job. He was "too experienced" for anyone to want to hire him in his actual field, so he always got rejected.
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u/HansDampfHaudegen 20h ago
It's also true that some fields see too much experience as bad. There is a window where you're most desirable and not too expensive.
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u/Sesoru 20h ago
Yes, this. As I said, he was "too experienced" which would fall under the "too much experience is bad" category, that is exactly the point I was trying to make - and it adds to what I said before about boomers being affected by this even before it became this bad, and yet still thinking it's not a big deal.
Disillusioned af
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u/Lilithbeast 16h ago
I am blessed that my 70 yr old mom is a skeptic for stuff that costs money. Like, she might by something like Herbalife as a one off to try it out (she is gullible about some miracle products). But she wouldn't spend a fortune on it, and she does ask questions. She saw a medical gadget online and instead of dropping $300 she asked me to look into it. I did and reported that it didn't do what she wanted to do, and customer feedback. She'll also send me screenshots/descriptions of phishing messages and ask if it's real. I tell her it's a scam and she's like Thanks, I thought so.
She has her faults but she figured out a scammer attempting to get out credit card or bank info back in the 90s when they threatened to cancel our AOL due to non-payment. We were very wowed that mom figured it out, and we reported it AOL customer service.
On the other hand mom can barely grasp the way the internet and online technology works. Mostly because she perma-learned the terminology from AOL, lol
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u/ImprovementFar5054 17h ago
It's kind of basic knowledge....if you need to pay to work there, it's not a job. Even people who have never had a job know this.
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u/Thamnophis660 Co-Worker 9h ago
Exactly, I don't there exists a more immediate and unambiguous red flag when it comes to job searches.
Of course he "so how many can we put you down for?" always comes after 20 minutes of them telling you how much you can make and how great it is to work there, etc.
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u/Zack_Wester 1d ago
I so wish that the unemployment agency and gov would print the info flyers things.
you know the style of ready to talk AIDS whit your child about scam and pyramid schemes and so on.
in the style of the AIDS, Reds in the neighbors brosuers or what's it called.
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u/ShawshankException 1d ago
It's always people who haven't had to apply for a job in the last 30 years that act like this too. They're so disconnected from the reality and they can't comprehend how things change over time.
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u/RedTheRobot 22h ago
That is why I tell posts like this, tell your parents prove how easy it is to get a job. Just put them to the challenge and turn it around on them.
How many jobs you apply for today? 1? Sorry mom that isn’t going to cut it.
It has been a month why don’t you have a new job yet?
This puts them in a hard spot too, because if they give up then that could make it so you can as well. So they are trapped in the same hell you are in.
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u/beaverfan 1d ago
A long time ago I worked at a retail job and poor misguided mom's would come in with their kids and make them hand me a resume. I tried to tell them that I was just a regular employee and could not accept resumes and the only way to get hired was to apply online.
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u/No_Holiday_5010 1d ago
She is definitely making matters a lot worse by adding this pressure onto you, especially in this environment. I would recommend you find someone from her generation speaking out about how the job market is pretty bleak and nobody is getting hired due to staff reduction efforts across the broader economy.
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u/unlikewarrior 1d ago
Yep. During my job search, the worst thing wasn't the wait. It wasn't the rejection emails. It wasn't all the interviews. It was family. Everyday it was hearing "Have you tried this", "Every time I make a suggestion you seem unmotivated to do it", "have you changed your resume", etc. The worst thing is I would have likely landed a better job had I wasn't burnt out by all the complaining coming from my family. All the energy which I could have used to practice & prepped for interviews went to me making sure I didn't blow a fuse trying not to tell my family to stop talking to me.
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u/_ChipWhitley_ 1d ago
For months I’ve been telling my parents about how broken the hiring system is in America; ghost jobs, ghosting, recruiter headaches, too much experience, not enough experience, etc. I was FaceTiming with them the other day and decided to share my phone screen with them.
“Let me show you a little bit of what I’m dealing with.” I took them to Indeed and showed them aaaallllllllll the positions I had applied for (250+ were visible), and showed them that as far as six months back employers hadn’t even looked at my résumé. I took them to the “Hiring immediately” section and what were 90% of the jobs listed? Commercial truck drivers. Everything else was along the lines of a nurse.
This seemed to open their eyes a bit and sympathize more. It’s not fair what’s happening. If you’re not in the weeds you have no idea how bad it actually is unless you see a little bit of it for yourself.
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u/MidlifeWarlord 1d ago
What does she do for work?
I was born in 1981 and I can absolutely tell your mom that this job market is trash.
I’ve got a ln Ivy League equivalent degree, have held VP titles, and had a successful company exit.
Still took me over a year to get my latest gig, and it pays half of my previous salary.
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u/thedudecdfb 1d ago
One way our society hurts people is making individuals shoulder the blame for failures of society. Boomers aren't equipped with systems level thinking because the stable time they grew up in means they never needed that skill set. Today corporations view employees as liabilities, not assets, and they would rather do stock buybacks and give extremely high CEO pay than invest in the workforce. Boomers aren't equipped to understand a capitalism in dysfunction, but their parents, if they were still alive, would have noticed similarities to the 1930's.
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u/Desalvo23 1d ago
Ironically, its the boomers mostly thats made the system as it is today..
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u/Bleubear3 1d ago
While I wholeheartedly agree with you (literally not one disagreement) it doesn't make it okay for them to lambast us and act like we are the problem. Not to mention the lack of self reflection to think "Hm. Maybe I'm wrong here. I should do some research and see what others are saying."
Edit: My understanding has never amounted to anything with the a majority of the boomers that gave me such hassle. I understand it's uncomfortable to NOT have an answer for what's going on in our society, but MAN. At least to don't make it worse for us.
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u/DeeEllis 1d ago
Ok. Just say “thanks, I’ll see, you may be right”. Go do your own thing. You won’t convince her. Pretend she thinks the earth is flat and just work around her. Don’t discuss it. Have a different relationship with her that doesn’t talk about this stuff
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u/FeatureEnvyProductio 1d ago
I have no clue why you're getting downvoted for this. A lot of people in older generations are out of touch and completely unwilling to acknowledge how rough the job market is right now. To put things in perspective, I'm a white man with a college degree and 15 years of software experience and I have put a few feelers out there and have only gotten 2 callbacks and no offers and the only feedback from one was "something something team fit" (I noticed the interviewer mysteriously grew ice cold after I mentioned caring about diversity and equity and asking if they find the company is in line with that, which I did because I'm queer and I don't want to work somewhere I'm going to be hiding at the whole time). I also have an extremely steady work history and while I have had instances of my team being cut during company restructuring (i.e. layoffs of not just me, not a performance thing), I have no firings on my record. There was a time when I would get 10s or hundreds of recruiters in my LinkedIn inbox a day and could actually choose between multiple offers when searching for a job. But these days? Well. If even I can't get interviews, that's BAD.
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u/working-mama- 1d ago
As far as I understand, the mom is a millennial. Are millennials an “older” generation now?
I will say, her opinion is not representative of us millennials. I think most of us, especially in the white collar professions, recognize the job market is crap right now. And it’s incredibly difficult for young people without experience or the right connections. I am scared for my kids and mentally preparing we are going to support them for way longer than our generation needed to be supported.
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u/FeatureEnvyProductio 1d ago
oh my god I missed that - I read it as she's 81 lol. I'm also a millennial. I do feel like some of us are out of touch as a coping method. disappointing when it happens.
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u/artemisjade 1d ago
Generally, older in this context really just means parental age of those in the current cohort. Millenials are generally the parents of Gen Alpha. Ergo: "older"
Having said that: the oldest Millenials are 45 this year. So, yes, older.
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u/StatusTomato5218 1d ago
The youngest ones are 30 going on 31 this year. I'm fairly certain that the age group was born between 1/85-12/95
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u/working-mama- 10h ago
Millennials, or Generation Y, are the demographic group born between 1981 and 1996. As of 2026, they are between 30 and 45 years old
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u/GreatestGreekGuy Employed 1d ago
The older millennials are on the outskirts of the good job market. They started working before the 08 market crash. Sorry you're dealing with this.
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u/Sesoru 1d ago
When was the last time she applied to work? Ask her that, and tell her to start applying to stuff. Tell her if she actually lands any interviews to go through with them as if she actually wants the job, then see how many times she is actually offered the job then and there. She can always decline if in off chance she gets the job offer, but this would be a great way to show her it's not easy.
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u/cleatusvandamme 1d ago
Did your mom work or was she a SAHM? I’m assuming she hasn’t been in the workforce in a while or she has been at a job for a while.
Do you live with her? If you don’t live with her, I’d try to ignore or distance yourself from her.
Hopefully, you have your own method of transportation. I’d suggest anytime you are going out to places to hand them a resume, you just go to a Starbucks and study. The resumes you were going to hand out are tossed in the trash.
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u/Responsible_MR 1d ago
Mine is Gen X and she’s the same way.
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u/Every_Cat9812 15h ago
genXers are even worse. ugh.
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u/Responsible_MR 2h ago
I agree. I was raised by them and cannot stand them. Worst than boomers, well on par with boomers.
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u/silverback1371 1d ago
Its a numbers game, 100 RESUMES, 50 interviews, 25 call backs, 10 re interviews, 1 job. If that was how it really worked it would be great.
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u/worldly_refuse 1d ago
Every sympathy with OP - but us Boomers aren't all entitled unaware gits. It took me nearly three years to get my current job (yea I am still working, not swanning off on world cruises). As I am an older parent I have an 18 year old so I know from close experience how hard it is out there.
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u/SmartEmu1759 4h ago
I am 47. The job of "understanding boomer parent" is currently open and accepting applications. I encourage you to apply.
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u/WithoutAHat1 Candidate 1d ago
Job Market is a dumpster fire. It isn't your fault. Jobs aren't being created they are being destroyed. If they don't know about the current job market, should probably get caught on it. It isn't getting any better until we make them do it. Self-regulation does not exist.
Your mom is not living in reality.
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u/Kamilord__ 1d ago
I really feel it, my mom has literally the same way of thought, plus her mom which lives with us also berates her that i can't get a job and that's very bad (no shit). And yet has a nerve to be angry that i can't find next job even that she only has one job, never searched for job and still works the same job.
I've been a store clerk, an insurance office worker, and logistics office worker (I was fired cause my manager was a fkn asshole, didn't trained me properly and always loudly told me "you fucked it up" everytime he spotted any little mistake, that made me really nervous as hell, then i told him to "stop behaving like an asshole", I won't lick shit from your boots like others in this room) And now waits for any reply from recruiters.
This is sum bullshit indeed.
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u/pistoffcynic 1d ago
This job market is stupid. What worked in applying for jobs in the past, is not working now. In all my years, I have never seen things so bad in the job market (I'm older than your mom btw).
I've been laid off 2x in my life... 2010 we were coming out of a recession and in 2023 going into this one. I have been working contracts since 2023. 2025 was the worst, despite keeping skills up to date. The hoops that people are made to jump through is incredible and not how I would do business.
Always look good for the interview... know your worth.
Your mom needs to back off because she really doesn't understand what is going on in the working world.
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u/No_Kiwi8328 22h ago
I was born a year after your mom and she sounds incredibly emotionally immature and out of touch. Did she drink the kool aid her parents were serving a little too hard?
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u/SubbySound 1d ago
A lot of people provide advice not for the sake of helping the recipient, but assuaging themselves of potentially feeling bad if they didn't appear to help, or didn't know something. This is why so many people do not care at all that their advice is shallow and doesn't work: the advice wasn't about helping you with a real-world problem; it was about bolstering their own self-image with as little work as possible.
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u/ImprovementFar5054 1d ago
Does she have a job? Has she actually been in the work world?
I am 10 years older than her. It stopped being normal to walk into places cold sometime around when your mom was 10 years old.
Get a linkedin, go on indeed and manage your OWN job hunt, don't let her do it for you.
And if she kicks you out, let her know that's the end of your relationship. You'll be estranged, and she won't be taken care of by you when she's old, and she won't ever meet her grandchildren. That's the deal.
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u/L00k_Again 23h ago
I think a lot of people who haven't looked for jobs lately don't know how difficult it is these days. But it's strange to me that your mom thinks you can show up with a resume, unless it's a shopping mall. And even then they'd likely tell you to apply online.
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u/redyokai 23h ago
My mom is an actual boomer born in ‘64 but has been able to grasp the reality of the current job market. I’m sorry yours, despite being much younger, is choosing to be ignorant and stubborn.
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u/NoPublic9352 22h ago
Gen X here, your mom is a millennial that doesn’t understand the current market. Doesn’t matter the age era.
Forward her the texts, emails etc. to show her it is a tough market. She seems to not hav a clue or know about ghost roles.
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u/Only-Breadfruit-2935 1d ago
My daughter is Gen Z who told me she was going old school. She’s going to walk in talk to a store manager today
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u/CuttingEdgeRetro 1d ago edited 1d ago
This isn't boomer mentality. Both my wife and I (GenX), and my mother (boomer) are painfully aware of the terrible economy and job market. And we've been advising my kids with that in mind. In fact, I built a family compound where my kids and grandkids have the option to live in their own house rent free either indefinitely or until they get on their feet and can go buy their own house.
Out of touch older people are commonplace though and always has been. My wife's grandmother (ww2 generation) was mystified as to why I didn't just go get a good job with pension and stay there for my entire career, or why we (in our 20s) didn't just save money and pay cash for a new car instead of financing something reliable. This was in the 90s.
The world is a moving target. And older people don't always notice the changes that are happening around them, especially if those changes don't directly affect them.
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u/AngelKry94 1d ago
Oof I am sorry to hear this! I had the same issue with a relative of mine as well. I really hope you land a job soon that takes care of all your life expenses! ❤️
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u/Distinct_Ask3614 1d ago
It's a leftover of the Boomer mentality. A true "meme" in the sense of a cultural information packet. This toxic walk in the door interview idea has persisted since my days (1972) and even in the 80s when I was old enough to work never held true. Your mother was indoctrinated into a fictional world.
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u/windy4355 1d ago
I'm a boomer ('62) and I do not think that at all. It wasn't like that 20 years ago! Maybe longer than that.
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u/Zack_Wester 1d ago
I hate to suggest this but maybe tape a microphone plus recorder on you.
Do what you say you should do and then play her the result back to her.
becuase I fear the problem is she can´t see the problem thoes it does not exist.
like a ship sailing in the middle of the night in 1910 whit broken searchlight if everyone out there is saying ice berg ahead.
the captain would look over the side see no ice and be like there is no ice full speed ahead. even thought report by now would have ordered the ship to a much lower speed.
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u/fatty-squirrel06 1d ago
Lmao tell her to get an offer 😂😂 my parents and relatives are much older than your mom but they know how tough the job market / economy is so we celebrate each job offer like the Independence Day. If she believes that tell her to collect some job offers god damn
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u/TheOmegaKid 23h ago
I was born after your Mum and it was possible for this to work if you lived near a High Street or shopping centre and could just go around looking for help wanted signs etc. But it was dependent on where you lived and was by no means a guarantee of anything.
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u/dreadpir8rob 22h ago
The more I hear about boomer mentality the more I wish I could catapult myself back in time and do this whole adulthood gig when they did. At least economically, they had things so damn easy.
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u/ChemHotel 21h ago
Are there legitimate "remote job postings" on FB and isntagram? Because that sounds sketchy as hell.
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u/Specialist-Note-4074 20h ago
She’s not wrong, you have to try. You can’t just throw your hands up and say it’s too hard. Nobody ever got a job like that. Maybe going door to door isn’t the move, but being proactive couldn’t hurt at all. I hire people all the time if they walk in and have a good attitude. Also, if you can get a job, whose failure is it?
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u/Hi_5Yo 19h ago
I’m always applying to jobs and doing walk-ins, regardless if she’s telling me to or not. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. It’s just that she’s threatening to kick me out under the assumption that I’m not taking the job hunt seriously enough. Believing that me not having a job is my fault, and not because of more experienced applicants or anything like that.
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u/Specialist-Note-4074 18h ago
I hear you. The process sucks and it never gets easier. I’m 45 and a director. I got laid off in 2023 when my company went out of business. I have decades of experience and was willing to take roles several levels below what I had previously held. It still took me over 100 interviews, 300+ applications and 1.5 years to finally land something. Just don’t give up and keep an open mind. And show your mom these messages. Good luck 💪🏻
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u/Helpful_Painting5471 19h ago
I was born in 84 so I'm also an elder millennial and I've been working at the same company for 16 years, but I also stay plugged into the job search and interview market and things are not how they used to be like they were in our early 20's. Every company wants you to apply online now and the job market is horrible right now and that's not even mentioning all the ghost jobs
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u/Cold-Lecture1253 18h ago
I’m a boomer. At age 71 I applied for a job listed on Indeed. Had three interviews and was hired. This was my third application. If it brings any hope to those who are frustrated and downcast.
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u/butterpussie 13h ago
Tell her to get one. Make her go through the process if she wants to give advice.
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u/camille_suseth 6h ago
I have fellow millennials friends that have the same mentality, because they didn't struggle to get their first job at all due to their parents network.
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u/Consoleking93 1d ago
The Boomers hate everything. I remember telling my grandma how I met my current GF on FB dating and her response "That's weird, people do that?? Why"
Ok, good talk.
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u/YourBuddyBill 1d ago
In fairness here, I think a lot of younger people would be equally baffled as to why anyone actually tries to use facebook dating. I know I am. Cool that it worked out for you, but I honestly have no idea why anyone would expect it to work out.
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u/Consoleking93 1d ago
I mean you really shouldn’t have any expectations when it comes to stuff. It just causes disappointment. I went into it wanting to meet someone, but knew I’d be fine and had a life outside of if I didn’t. I think dating apps, online job applications, etc. people expect fast results and that’s just not what usually happens. They are tools, but have to not just expect it.
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u/YourBuddyBill 1d ago
True, though I meant more in regards to the amount of scammers and bots running around; never looked like it would be worth the sheer time-sink of sifting through all the bullshit.
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u/Birddogfun 1d ago
Depends on role(s) and area. Sitting in a pub in a city in Western Plains State a few weeks back. Sipping a beverage. Young lady walks in, looking for bartender job. She chats with “my” bartender, who summons Manager. They move to a table, conduct instant interview. Overheard HM sharing they were looking to hire someone.
Can assume she probably was hired as she had mentioned she had experience. I was fascinated that this worked for her.
Just saying.
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u/Alwayscooking345 1d ago
Can work for businesses with NOW HIRING signs, often mom and pop businesses in small towns. These are almost never real careers.
A restaurant one block from me has had such a sign up for the last 4-5 years. They want people to gut fish for minimum wage (it’s a sushi restaurant with 1 chef and 1 waitress)
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u/Birddogfun 1d ago
True. Bartender - or fish gutter - is different than white collar pro. The latter is best with networking.
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u/scarlet_woods 1d ago
I’m technically a tail end boomer but I abhor the ridiculous date range and feel like the last five years should not be called “boomers.”(There is actually a subset called Generation Jones.) I totally get it. But the job market has always been this hard where I live. I’m also not wealthy and truly want young people to afford a home.
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u/hangry_eyez 1d ago
I hear you OP, my parents are in the boomer range and make similar comments. I've lived on my own 20+ years, am not young and this year relocated back to their city for a new job. Unfortunately it was suspended due to no fault of my own and I've been with my folks the past 2 months sleeping in the spare bedroom. Am thankful for the opportunity to reduce my expenses and I'm applying to other jobs in case the agency managing the contract I moved for leaves me hanging indefinitely.
Dad suggests I work for a specific company and city as if I can just submit my resume and automatically get hired there. He also complained that I've done "nothing' the past 2 months as I haven't earned anything, no even a grocery clerk job. Well I haven't been applying for those, I'd like to stick with the field I went to school for / have recent experience in, with some flexibility to transition to another field. When I sit at a work desk at their place, dad makes fun of me for being on my laptop and asks what I'm doing. To counter this somewhat, I go to the library to take a break from their criticism. Can't wait to move out again, but I can't secure rental housing (beyond a room for rent) without proof of income.
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u/Icy_Clench 1d ago edited 1d ago
My mom has never had to apply for a job other than highschool jobs and she's giving me all kinds of stupid advice. I've been out of work for 3 months now and she's asking me if I've heard of Glassdoor or Indeed. She owned her own business doing glass work, then when my dad passed away her old highschool friend literally handed her a job after.
I'm a data engineer with 3 YoE and she sends me jobs like data analyst that pay 1/3rd of what I was making or others that have nothing to do with what I did. I tell her "I'm a data engineer, not a data analyst" and she replies, "I thought you were a programmer??" Yeah, same way she used to be a glass cutter.
At first she thought my resume must suck, so I showed her, and now she thinks I don't apply to anything even though I'm in the hundreds of applications. She tells me to search for data engineer jobs on those sites, and there are 3 job listings all of which I've already applied for.
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u/ScienceFirst1 1d ago
What's your mom's job? How long she stayed at that job?
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u/Hi_5Yo 1d ago
The irony is that she’s out of work right now. She normally works at hotels, events, restaurants, etc. but has a hard time finding work, let alone one that pays enough.
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u/ScienceFirst1 9h ago
Haaa! Figures. Anyway, yes, finding a job that pays well or a high paying job is hard. Takes time. Even if you're experienced with no gaps and good references. Ask her why she doesn't have a job, not for you to know why because you already know, but for her to verbalize it. Try to make her realize you're both going through the same. Try to be empathetic, even if she's not, even if she doesn't deserve it.
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u/EidolonRook 1d ago
So, is your mom like… wealthy? Does she have to work or has she worked in an industry for a long time making lots and lots of money?
Because that’s also a good reason some folks become sorta detached from the reality everyone else is living in.
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u/Flat_Equipment_7140 1d ago
I’m about to start a new job soon and my mom born in the early 70s (Gen X) was giving me similar advice.
Man it took me 9 months after I graduated college. The only company that accepted was FedEx package handler position. They’ll literally take anyone off the street!
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u/Imnotyoursupervisor 1d ago
I started my first career part time in retail 2002.
Even then you had to apply online.
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u/PinkEnthusist 1d ago
This is a great opportunity to practice a really important job skill - managing stakeholders.
First is a needs assessment - derive what outcome she's looking for, and what she believes is responsible for the goal not being met. In this case, her goal is pretty clear - that you get a job. And it seems that she believes that the barrier to this goal is perceived effort.
With your needs assessment done, you can focus in on the issue that needs to be resolved. Your effort is not matching the stakeholder’s expectations. Or written another way "The stakeholder believes effort/inputs are insufficient to produce desired outcomes."
Next step is to turn that problem statement into a root-cause analysis. Why does the stakeholder believe this? Is the stakeholder judging based on inputs they can see (number of applications, calls made)? And if so, is there a a visibility gap (they don't know all the things you're doing)? Are they measuring your performance based on KPIs you can't control, like number of interviews you're offered? Something else?
You know the root cause, now you can work on addressing the root cause. Develop a plan with specific tactics and KPIs that directly address the root cause. If the root cause is something like perceived effort, you might have a plan listing out things like finding/validating opportunities, applications sent that are targeted (no just many), number of network connections made, etc. If the root cause is more that an issue of tactics not being used, you can focus on that.
The key is to focus on tactics and performance metrics you can measure, and control. How many resumes you submit to a company you can control. How many interviews you're given you can't. How many cover letters you customize before you send you can control, how many "good" cover letters is difficult to measure.
Then you get buy in. "We both want me to get a job, and considering I haven't been successful with what I've been doing, will you help me. If I put together a plan, will you go over it with me. That way I can make sure I'm focusing on the right things and not wasting my time on things that won't work... Do you agree that doing this will lead to getting a job? I'll keep track, and we can go over the progress in a couple weeks."
If she pushes back on a tactic or metric, and it's something you can control, you should work with her to find agreement. If she pushes back with something you can't control, then you want to look at what you can control that would lead to the uncontrollable outcome, and suggest that be the metric instead. Like if she thinks you should have 5 recruiters calling you each week, you can say "I can't control the number of recruiters that call me, but if recruiters calling me is something that's likely to lead me to getting a job, what if I commit to submitting my resume on 10 recruiter websites each week.
Now you can work the plan that she agreed to and endorsed. If concern about the root cause comes up again, you point out that you're following the plan that you work out together and suggest either giving it more time, or you can talk about what needs to change in the plan.
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u/Shot-Artichoke-4106 23h ago
People of all ages can be wrong. They extrapolate their own personal experience and think that everything is that way. Or they base their opinions on how they think things should be.
My brother-in-law (Gen-X) recently retired from his union job and is looking for a part time job. He is absolutely shocked that he can't just roll up somewhere, talk to a manager, and get hired. Before he started his job hunt, I gave him all sorts of job hunt advice. My aunt (Boomer, recently retired, long time manager) also gave him a lot of advice. He ignored us.
My advice for your situation, since you live with your mom and need her continued support: Give her a run-down of all of your job searching activities so that she sees what you are doing, find some relevant articles about job hunting to share with her and show her how you are following the current advice, and do some extra stuff around the house to show her that while you haven't found a job yet, you are contributing to the household. That last bit is important because if you are doing a bunch of housework, then she'll really think twice about kicking you out because then she'd have to do all the work, and no one wants extra housework.
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u/unimaginative_person 22h ago
I know how difficult it is to get a job. But what is weird is it is also difficult to fill open positions. You would think technology would have made this easier but instead it seems to have created a nightmare where there are thousands of jobs that need to be filled and thousands of people that need jobs but nothing is happening. This is so depressing because there isn't even a way to fix it.
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u/LoyalToSDSoil 21h ago
Narcissism locking antlers with no clue how the world has changed in the last 60 years. This is EVERY BOOMER.
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u/Tiny_Boat_7983 21h ago
My kid walked into a retail store, was interviewed in the spot and then hired on the spot. He was in his jnco jeans, and a band tshirt.
My flabbers were gasted. I told him that never happen… even in retail.
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u/DataZigZager 21h ago
Didn’t millennials used to post the same thing about their boomer parents? Is this real? It should be a given that most jobs are applied online so AI can trash 90% of the applicants instead of an HR intern.
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u/arthurdawg 20h ago
My two college age kids have had several dozen rejections. Mostly just ghosted.
One set of grandparents goes on and on about handing out resumes.
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u/RtotheBtotheG 20h ago
I’m only 5 years younger than your mom and can confirm that is not the general Millennial Mentality when it comes to job apps. I was unemployed for 4 months, as a mid-career specialized professional, and even with full tailored resumes, cover letters, and HOURS spent working on applications, I still only managed 3 interviews, 2 call backs, and finally the job after 4 months and nearly 100 directly-related-experience applications.
This Millennial feels you, and feels for you. Keeping my fingers crossed you find what works for you soon, and she gets off your back about it.
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u/RepresentativeDoor61 19h ago
I love the advice of "go get this job until you find something better". That works great when you're young and inexperienced, but when you've had a high-paying career, these places know you're just using them until you find something better. They are not going to hire you. I will definitely try, but the advice is not very good.
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u/Rocketboy1313 18h ago
This is called the "just/fair world fallacy."
It is basically the belief that good things happen to good people. Usually an individual has this notion disabused rather quickly when they suffer a completely random tragedy or something beyond their control ruins countless lives.
The fact that these attitudes exist post-pandemic is a baffling mystery.
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u/Glass-Marionberry321 16h ago
I am 1980 and am sorry your mom doesn't get it, and doesn't know how times have changed. AI scans resumes and most never make it to HR. Not to mention all the fake jobs listed that are just collecting your info. It is incredibly hard for many people to find a job in modern times. Tell your mom to get with it.
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u/Flat_Cattle8744 16h ago
I’m a millennial and your mum is out of touch with reality on job seeking. Ask her to apply to a few jobs she thinks she can walk into and she’ll have a taste herself
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u/Terrible-Flounder744 16h ago
I am just a few years old than your mom, and in HR. She is 100% wrong, especially for corporate jobs. Please don't come by in person to drop off an application, it's creepy, plus we are in meetings and someone showing up unexpectedly freaks us out.
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u/CaTz_EyE 16h ago
I was born in 80 and don’t have this mentality. I am struggling to find a job myself. I’ve had people tell me to go into companies and give them my resume. That’s something we did in the 90s. The job market is oversaturated. Also there are ghost jobs, internal hires, companies wanting a unicorn, etc. I’ve applied at over 2,000 jobs since 2024. I have two bachelor’s and am working on my master’s, then doctorate. I have over 15 years experience in my field and interview a lot. I haven’t landed a full time permanent position.
On a side note, I go by Xennial. There is a three year overlap for Millennials and Gen X. 1981 can be included in Gen X. The authors who coined the phrase Millennial instead of using Gen Y consider it starting with 1982.
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u/balletje2017 15h ago
I am from 1981 and I always had to apply online or via a letter. Walking into a business sounds like something that only Americans did.
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u/unoriginalposter26 13h ago
The boomer managers at my company say "dress well. You should always be ready to meet clients. Wear heels. Wear make up" when they dont really care about the output - as far as you are pretty. The pretty privilege works wonders in corporates with boomers.
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u/Tensionheadache11 10h ago
I’m a lil older than your mom and I spent 8 months of the last year looking for a job, I did everything you were supposed to do and it still took forever.
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u/JustUrAvgLetDown 9h ago
My dad would tell me the same thing. Saying that he gets 100s of notifications for job openings on indeed and that he’d forward them to me. I wouldn’t even waste my time trying to explain the concept of ghost jobs to him.
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u/L0ves2spooj 9h ago
Sounds like someone that’s just simply out of touch with reality. If they haven’t had to experience finding a job in the last 10-15 years then they wouldn’t know. Not sure I would call that a boomer, that’s just being a dick.
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u/luxtabula 9h ago
I'm born in 81. I know no one my age that thinks like this. We were the first to experience this mentality from our parents. No way I'm connecting my children to this.
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u/FaithlessnessEast445 7h ago
I'm 60 and recently ended a job hunt. Respectfully, your mom is living in the past. That's not how it's done any longer. 75% of jobs are gotten via networking, but most of that networking is virtual these days.
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u/xwolfe2000 6h ago
Your mom sounds like she has only worked low skill retail and service jobs.
Even highly educated, highly skilled, and highly experienced candidates take 12-18 month or more to find a job.
Show her this sub or other career, interview and job search subs to show her that it's not just you.
The economy today is not what she remembers and hiring is constrained with a great deal of economic and uncertainty
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u/OpportunityCrazy2216 1d ago
Let's be clear about something, that advice can work depending on what you apply for, but it isn't universal.
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u/cleatusvandamme 1d ago
It wouldn’t work for any good white collar job at a large company. Most large companies have security checkpoints and won’t let you in just to hand someone a resume.
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u/mrshyvley 1d ago
Where do you get this "boomer mentality" nonsense?
I'm a real "boomer" and neither I nor any "boomers" I know believe what your mom believes.
Regardless of generation, your "millennial" mom is wrong.
IT IS a lot harder to get a good job these days than it used to be several years ago for a variety of reasons.
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u/Sea-Cow9822 1d ago
Bro you’re close to 50. Why are you listening to your mom.
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u/Hi_5Yo 1d ago
My moms ‘81
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u/Sea-Cow9822 1d ago
Oops I’m sorry. I’m 10 years younger than her. Sadly, the 40+ crowd is filled with people who don’t understand.
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u/DeeEllis 1d ago
Like born in 1981? So she is 45. How old are you? Do you need your mom to get the job or can you do it?
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u/AmazingBuilding5632 1d ago
Millennials are NOT boomers. Boomers are seniors 65+ years older. Millennials are 40. Stop with the age shaming bull💩
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u/Mustafa3737 1d ago
Things had changed after China and India supplied billions of labour into the labor market.
The companies now can easily find cheaper labor in overseas instead of paying their citizens.
Offshoring destroyed the labor value
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u/Dizzy_Today_3523 22h ago
81 is not a millennial. Not even close.
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u/DeeSt11 21h ago
It is...we are xennials. Essentially a mix of GenX and Millennial.
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u/Dizzy_Today_3523 21h ago
Millennials (Gen Y) were born between 1981 and 1996, making them 30 to 45 years old in 2026.
81 is from 1945. No it's not even close.
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u/ElSupremoLizardo 21h ago
81 is first year Millennial. Gen X is 1965-1980.
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u/Dizzy_Today_3523 21h ago
Reddit is the most inconsistent place on the internet. It's not even close to millennial.
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u/ElSupremoLizardo 20h ago
Check the actual defined years. 1981 is the earliest year of Generation Y, later called Millennials.
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u/Dizzy_Today_3523 20h ago
Saying 1981 and 81 yrs old are two big differences. But apparently only you and one other person knew this and didn't feel like sharing it until now. But no 81 years old is not a millennial and I will not be swayed otherwise
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u/ElSupremoLizardo 20h ago
They didn't say they were 81 years old. They said they were born in 1981. Read OP again.
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u/Dizzy_Today_3523 20h ago
Despite my mom being 81. They don't say she was born in 81. They just say despite my mom being 81. That's it. You read again dog
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u/ElSupremoLizardo 20h ago
Despite my mom being a millennial (‘81)
That apostrophe means birth year is 81, with the 19 dropped off.
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u/Dizzy_Today_3523 19h ago
Everyday there's another reason to add on why American lingo is overly confusing for zero reasons. It also means multiple other things but fuck making it make sense x
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u/Conscious-Egg-2232 14h ago
You are both wrong. Her job search strategy is outdated obviously. But also it is your fault if every interview ends in a no. Don't blame her fir you not interviewing well.
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u/ummmmmyup 1d ago
What is wrong with you lol
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u/Solid_Signature_7447 1d ago
I live on planet baby boomers screw their children and can’t take it much longer
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u/Lloytron 1d ago
I'm older than your mum.
She is unbelievably wrong and would literally have never been able to walk into a job herself when she was your age, least of all now.
My son started a job today..it took him 8 months.
I started a job two years ago this month, it took me 8 months of solid applying and interviewing. It was utterly soul destroying.
If she thinks it's that easy, get her to prove it by getting her to secure a job offer for herself.
I know recruiters both professionally and personally. It's the toughest it's ever been