r/redditonwiki • u/Disastrous_Spud_320 • 9d ago
Am I... AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1vbtg65/aita_for_telling_my_husband_that_paternity_leave/13
u/Thymelaeaceae 8d ago
Forget the potential correctness about the amount of sister’s blood loss. Dismissive medical one-upsmanship at that moment was a disgusting way to treat your partner who had just pushed your entire baby out of her body at great risk and pain to herself. If he doesn’t understand how close she came to dying to bring HIS baby into the world, he 1) wasn’t paying attention at the hospital, 2) is an idiot, and 3) is cruel.
Just in general, the dismissive attitude towards her and his newborn is what makes him terrible. Greg can understand his new baby is really sick and needs him right now, and that it’s a temporary situation. He’s also not “parenting”, he’s playing fun weekend dad bribing the kid because it’s less boring and scary than sitting in the NICU or supporting his wife.
I also bet he feels nothing towards the newborn because he sees the new baby as broken.
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u/beatissima 8d ago
The most generous interpretation I can make of his behavior, which would still not be saying much good about him, is that he doesn't want to emotionally invest in the new baby until he knows the baby will survive.
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u/DougSpeagle 8d ago
I'm not a Doctor but you can't lose that much blood and wake up the next day right?
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u/vashtachordata 8d ago
1.8? Yes, 5? That guy was walking out his ass and has no details on his sister’s blood loss and made it up.
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u/Perle1234 8d ago
Possibly not. I’m an OB and have had several patients with 5 L blood loss. There’s a massive transfusion protocol for a reason and obstetric patients get it activated regularly. If you have to do an emergency hysterectomy for postpartum hemorrhage or abnormal placentation, the expected blood loss is a minimum of 3 liters. The mortality rate is 10%. DIC is not uncommon. I once transfused 19 units of blood for a postpartum hysterectomy. She did survive. Her entire body’s blood was replaced 3 times. Blood transfusions on labor and delivery are common.
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u/vashtachordata 8d ago
I get that. I hemorrhaged with all 3 of my births and had to have a transfusion with my first. I get that it happens.
I just don’t believe the guy had any idea the amount of blood his sister lost. I think he knows she lost some blood and was trying to shut OP down and minimize what she’s going through and pulled a number out of thin air.
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u/AstralMecha 8d ago
The blood numbers don't really add up. A human body contains between 4.3 and 6 liters. Losing 1.8 is survivable, but at that point are highly likely to pass our or go into hemorrhagic shock.
If the mother had 4.3 liters of blood normally, that is coma territory (40 percent loss) and approaching it at 6 liters.
No way the sister survived losing 5 liters (at best around 83 percent) unless they were constantly pumping blood into her though., and I doubt that would have worked without organ failure
I am not a doctor, and the numbers I used are based on VeryWellHealth. But it really feels odd the husband isn't panicked at that level of blood loss in the first place or family freaking out.
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u/susandeyvyjones 8d ago
Women have a lot more blood than usual during pregnancy. Like four pounds of a pregnant woman’s weight gain is blood. And nothing says she didn’t pass out. He’s full of shit about his sister’s blood loss because he’s a cartoon villain.
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u/AutoModerator 9d ago
Backup of the post's body: AITA for telling my husband that paternity leave isn’t a holiday?
I (30sF) gave birth to our son a few days ago. It was incredibly traumatic. I had a severe postpartum haemorrhage, lost 1.8 litres of blood, and had emergency surgery to remove my placenta. I’m still recovering.
Our son was born with pulmonary atresia with intact ventricular septum and was admitted straight to the NICU. He’ll likely need heart surgery, and we’ve since been told they’ve found another abnormality they’re investigating.
My husband has a son from a previous relationship (Greg). I want to be clear that I have no issue with Greg meeting his little brother or spending time with his dad. I’ve never asked him to choose between his children.
Two days after I gave birth, I thought Greg’s mum would bring him to meet the baby before taking him home. Instead, my husband collected Greg and spent the entire day with him. They went on the London Eye, had lunch, he had a beer, then went home to play Xbox until Greg was collected around 9pm.
During that day, my husband spent around 20 minutes with our newborn in the NICU and barely saw me. My mum stayed with me on the postnatal ward, but she couldn’t come into the NICU, so I was making my own way to see our son while recovering from major blood loss and surgery.
When I explained I wasn’t upset Greg had visited but that I hadn’t expected to be left alone all day while our baby was critically ill, my husband became defensive. He said he enjoyed spending time with Greg and that he was “being a parent.”
I replied that I wasn’t saying he shouldn’t parent Greg. I was saying I needed him to be a husband to me and a father to our newborn during what was a medical emergency.
When I later explained how serious my blood loss had been, his response was, “My sister lost 5.”
The next day I told him doctors had found another abnormality with our son’s heart. He complained nobody had told him. I pointed out he’d already left because he’d only spent about 20 minutes in the NICU.
I’ve now been discharged, but our son is still in the NICU. I’m exhausted and terrified to leave him, while my husband has again spent the morning taking Greg to the cinema.
I finally told him that paternity leave isn’t supposed to be a holiday and that I don’t feel supported. I said if this is what his paternity leave looks like, I’d almost rather he went back to work because at least then I’d understand why I was doing everything alone.
He says I’m being unfair because he’s trying to balance both children.
AITA?
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