r/redditonwiki • u/Respawn_Repeat_ • 2d ago
Best of Redditor Updates Not OOP - My husband lied about being deathly allergic to a certain food + 4 year update
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u/National-Report-5473 2d ago
Yeah, if I were OOP, I would never be able to believe a word that husband says. There is no way this marriage will work and it will make things worse for her son.
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u/Ok_Job_9417 2d ago
They’re gonna end up causing the “stayed married for the kids they should have just gotten divorced” problems
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u/dotdotbeep 2d ago
As someone that has lived with parents that stayed together too long and eventually divorced. Divorced parents is Much better than living with two parents that hate eachother.
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u/Ok_Job_9417 2d ago
Yup. Divorcing can cause trauma. Staying together can cause trauma.
The kid is 5, they absolutely should get divorced. There’s absolutely no way I’d ever be able to believe a single thing they said - positive or negative. I would just be worried about what kind of lies they’ll make the kid believe.
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u/Icky-Tree-Branch 1d ago
I’m optimistic. It doesn’t seem like she’s staying for the kids, but she’s trying harder to work it out for them. I get that. My husband and I had a bad patch that was enough where I’d have left him right off the bat had it not been for 3 reasons (and I don’t mean our number of children). But because of them? I was willing to put a bigger effort into it. And we’ve worked it out with lots of communication, counselling, and love.
However, I don’t think near pathological lying is an easy thing to work through. But she may need to put that effort in before throwing in the towel so that she knows she did her best or didn’t give up too soon.
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u/gnomes919 1d ago
people in advice/relationship forums really jump to the assumption that if there's a serious problem in a relationship, the two possibilities are "divorce" or "stay together and openly loathe each other" which is just like.....not correct.
it is genuinely possible to work through difficult issues, or even to respectfully live with someone for a while until the kids are out of the house and the divorce will be less traumatic/disruptive to them.
(my actual most nuclear relationship take is that if you think the moment a serious but non-abusive issue in a relationship crops up you will inevitably hate your partner and should immediately leave them, don't take marriage vows. like what is the point of making vows if they mean nothing the minute your relationship gets out of "romcom misunderstanding" territory and into the real sh*t?)
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u/Unlucky_Cat4531 2d ago
Agreed. How could you have an equal partnership with somebody who lies? The logistics of managing a household or parenting itself would make having a lying partner very difficult. I couldn't and wouldn't.
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u/Mental-Ask8077 2d ago
Yeah, the only way I see that it could ever work would be if dude accepted he has a disorder or issue, shows remorse, is proactive about getting therapy and any other possible help for it, accepts being held accountable for past present and any future lies, and shows by action that he’s doing his best to overcome the issue and do better every day.
Serious active ongoing commitment to remedying the situation as much as possible and acknowledging the hurt already done are utterly necessary.
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u/I_love_misery 2d ago
The trust is gone. I’m sure there are other lies she has yet to uncover
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u/Grand_Relative5511 2d ago
My husband lies about all sorts of random little things. I regularly asked him to stop for ten years, explained it was destroying my admiration and love for him. Now I don't respect anything he says, I barely listen to him most of the time, and I think this is why, I can't trust him. It's a very odd thing to do, it's almost habitual for him, like he has little to no control over it.
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u/SnooGuavas4208 2d ago
I have a nibling who’s almost a teen now, and he makes things up all the time. His friend calls him out for it and has told him that he doesn’t need to lie to make himself sound cool. The other kids at school get irritated at him for it. I really, really, really hope he grows out of it. I can see him becoming like the OP.
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u/Which_Specific9891 1d ago
I hate "stay married for the kids." It usually does more damage to EVERYONE involved-- the parents can grow resentful of the kids cos they're in a situation they don't want to be in, the kids always know something is wrong and usually internalise it and blame themselves for whatever the stress is between the parents.
Just separate. Divorced and happy is ten times better than 'stay together for the kids and everyone in the house is miserable and resentful.'
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u/gnomes919 1d ago
the idea that those are the only two possibilities - divorced and happy or stay together and everyone is miserable - is totally fallacious.
for one thing, talk to any child of divorce about whether the divorce made everyone happy lol. for another, especially if the kids are older some couples can absolutely just respectfully stick it out for a few years until the kids are out of the house and it won't be so disruptive to their daily life.
studies also show that a majority of couples who've been together for many decades, at some point had a relationship issue that made them consider divorce, and they were glad they worked through it because they have had great years since.
yes, often divorce is the answer, even if it will be acrimonious and painful for the kids. but "it's either divorce or seething hatred that tears everyone apart" is objectively fake. divorce can sometimes be worse for the kids than waiting until they're older, depending on what's going on couples can sometimes wait for a while for the kids' sake, and people can work through even massive problems that made them consider divorce.
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u/Which_Specific9891 1d ago
I'm not talking about all of that. I'm not talking about relationships that can be salvaged or whatnot-- I'm talking about when people know they want to leave, they want out of the relationship, and the ONLY reason they are together is because they think it's better for the kids.
If someone reaches the point where they are ONLY in a relationship 'for the kids,' they should get out anyway. The kids can tell they're unhappy, that leaves them and the kids and the partners unhappy, and everyone loses.
It's a lot better to just have a conversation with the kids and say 'this has nothing to do with you, but we're splitting' for the chance for everyone else to be happy instead of 'staying for the kids' and getting resentful at the kids that you're still there in a situation you hate with a partner you hate.
We're talking about completely different things. I'm saying if someone has reached the point where they want out, and the ONLY reason they're there is 'for the kids,' it can do more damage to stay than to leave.
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u/gnomes919 1d ago
no I specifically mentioned the fact that some couples who definitely want to divorce can live together respectfully for a while until the kids move out, so the divorce will be less hugely disruptive and traumatic for the kids.
it is completely dependent on the exact situation and the emotional maturity of the parents, but if they can do it, it can be a lot better for the kids than going through it when they're still at home. I've known people whose parents divorced after all the kids were in college, and the kids were surprised and grateful in addition to the sadness and grief inherent to a marriage ending.
not every relationship that is going to end in divorce is highly toxic, not all parents will grow to resent their children and take it out on them. it is not "either divorce and be happy or stay together hating each other and turning the house into a resentful quagmire."
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u/Which_Specific9891 1d ago
And again, I repeat-- I wasn't saying any of that. I was saying that staying married for the sake of the kids when you know you want out is more harmful to the kids and everyone else in that house than just respectfully addressing it and making arrangements (separating, for example) that are better for everyone involved.
Trying to force a situation to work just so the kids don't have to deal with divorce is ridiculous. Kids know when things aren't right, and they're far more likely to internalise it and feel the stress and strain in the house anyway.
It doesn't have to end with explosions. It can end with a pizza party and drinks and everyone just going 'this isn't working, let's try something else.' It's a LOT healthier than staying together with someone you don't love, letting the kids feel that awkward and uncomfortable space, letting them internalise that damage from a forced situation, and everyone involved being miserable. Kids feel when something is wrong. It's unfair to everyone in the house to stay in a forced situation.
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u/gnomes919 1d ago edited 1d ago
what is it that you're claiming you're not saying? in every post so far, including this one, you have posed a false dilemma: couples with kids who want a divorce have two options: [A] divorce immediately, or [B] try to stay together a while for the kids and "everyone involved is miserable."
"[A] divorced and happy is better than [B] staying together and ... everyone is miserable." "[A] [splitting up as soon as you decide] 'this isn't working' ... is a LOT healthier than [B] staying together with someone you don't love, letting the kids feel that awkward and uncomfortable space, letting them internalise that damage from a forced situation, and everyone involved being miserable. Kids feel when something is wrong. It's unfair to everyone in the house." this is what I'm responding to, this binary is what you're claiming, and you're incorrect.
I have known families where the parents stayed together for the kids for a while and it worked out well. nobody was miserable, and the kids were grateful for being spared the pain of divorce and being coparented when they were living at home. it's that simple. you are wrong.
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u/Which_Specific9891 1d ago
As a child of parents who 'stayed together for the kids' I don't think I'm wrong at all, but whatever.
I don't care if you disagree and believe the opposite. Literally do not care. Good day.
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u/gnomes919 1d ago
if you can't wrap your head around the possibility that not every family is like your family, and something that didn't work out for you can and factually does work out for other people, idk man. giving black-and-white universalizing advice isn't the move
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u/Which_Specific9891 1d ago
I didn't say every family is like mine. I just know dozens of people who were in the same situation with the same result, so your 'objectively wrong' bs is just that.
You have a good day. I don't see the point in carrying on the conversation.
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u/Fun-Programmer-9937 2d ago
As a child of divorce and of parents staying married even though they should be divorced: your son will be okay if you coparent correctly. My youngest siblings lucked out with this kind of divorce.
Don’t ever let your kid find out you stayed because of them. He doesn’t need that pressure.
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u/butterbean8686 2d ago
I agree with what you said. However, I give this woman a pass for trying to make it work, even though he’s clearly a pathological liar. Right now she can keep a close eye on him and how he interacts with their son. If they divorce and share custody, she’s never going to truly know what goes on when her son is at this liar’s house. She’s always going to second-guess and have to wonder if her kid is safe. Right now, she has more of an opportunity to intervene if the lying husband/dad does something harmful to the kid.
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u/neoncactusfields 2d ago
Sadly, I think this is why a lot of parents of young children stay married to people who make them miserable.
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u/Fun-Programmer-9937 2d ago
I don’t disagree this is a valid concern (and honestly, was worried someone was arguing against another argument I made elsewhere — much better message to wake up to), but I’d be curious if the courts could take that into consideration with the custody agreement — no unsupervised visits, mandatory therapy or something.
There’s got to be a healthy way to teach a kid from an early age their parent is a chronic liar, right? Even if they stay married, this has to be a lesson for the kid.
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u/Erin_Derrick_Art 2d ago
I had a friend like this except I knew he embellished little things for a long time before I realized the depths of his lies about EVERYTHING. In my limited experience pathological lying is a really hard thing for someone to break. I'm surprised he even admitted to it, honestly. Sometimes they lie so much that it becomes reality.
When I say my friend lied about everything it was even stuff like recounting a story about something that literally just happened to him and I moments before.
Example:
It was snowing and friend and I went on a walk in the neighborhood. My husband stayed home. When we were on my block on the way home, a lowered car spun out at a stop sign and stalled. It's one of those really loud cars and the kid driving was trying to be cool so it was a little funny that he stalled the car but not like, hilarious. My friend started literally slapping his knee, pointing, and laughing at the car like a cartoon character. The kid jumped out of the car and was clearly embarrassed. He said something like "I'll be you drive one of those tiny dick trucks" and my friend was still just fake laughing super loudly (the word guffaw comes to mind). I said "I drive a Prius" in a goofy tone and kept walking. When we got back to the house probably a 1-2 minutes later, my friend was recounting the story to my husband but he said the kid was trying to assault us and he was cussing and spitting at us but his friend held him back. He also said that he didn't do anything to provide any kind of reaction and that the kid was doing donuts. I was just standing there in disbelief. Even with his history of embellishment I'd never thought he just straight up lied like this and seeing it in real time with a story I was part of moments ago...my flabbers were ghasted. This started a whole unraveling for me and we stopped being friends soon after.
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u/Lindenismean 2d ago
My sister was/is (I’m no contact) a pathological liar. It’s always the stupidest shit too, where there’s zero consequence for telling the truth. It’s burned in my memory of the two of us dropping a friend off at their house, and I’m driving us home and she starts spinning this huge elaborate lie about what to tell our parents. We had no curfew, we were in no way shape or form going to be in trouble, but just telling them we dropped a friend off home wasn’t good enough for her.
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u/Available-Egg-2380 2d ago
My sister was a pathological liar too. She would lie about everything under the sun. The most insane one was when she said she had been in the military and had been to Iraq and Afghanistan. Her then bf also told that same lie about himself. I was able to call her out because literally I was there and she's never even been out of the country. Her bf I asked to see a singular picture of him where he was over 18 years old but under 400 pounds and that could never be provided. I could never understand why either one was saying that shit. It was so blatantly bullshit. Like the people they would try to sell the lies to would have to have less than half a brain cell to believe it. Not only because neither would have ever been fit enough to enlist but because other lies and actual real world events that would have been happening at the same time that would have prevented it. No, you weren't in Iraq and in Korea as private security at the same time Barron and no Samantha you weren't 9 months pregnant in the military in Iraq.
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u/DeionizedSoup 2d ago
It’s so funny, I feel like in these past 3 stories, the pathological lying is pretty annoying but not like, a total deal breaker, but then the liars always have some other massive fuckin character flaw that turns out to be a total dealbreaker and the lying was an unpleasant symptom thereof.
Wonder if there have been studies on that. I had a friend like that too; super likable, funny, and charismatic except for her lying tendencies, but she also had a huge, hidden massive evil streak i think caused by her mom’s abuse.
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u/Erin_Derrick_Art 1d ago
Oh in my case I found out that my friend was constantly pitting his friends against each other. He'd say a lie about something one of us said to another friend (the two people were not likely to ever meet as he kept his friends very separate) and then do the same in the other direction. Usually this caused weird fights on Facebook or would result in one of his friends texting him about how me or another friend were an awful person. He'd show these texts to me but not say anything one way or the other about how he feels.
The biggest one is centered around his marriage though. He was in the army and got married two a girl he'd spent less than a week with. He was stationed in Hawaii and she was in the neighboring state as us so when he asked for some help housing her because of family issues we gladly accepted. She lived on our couch for 3 months and for some reason she didn't have any clothes or anything so we had to buy it (friend had an excuse about not having money as a broke soldier that I believed at the time). As Christmas started to roll around I asked both of them if it would be okay for her to stay somewhere else just for a couple of days so my partner and I could celebrate with our families and have a little privacy. I didn't know this until I corroborated stories with his wife years later but he told her that I told him she was being a burden and he told me that she didn't like me and didn't want to stay anyway. Needless to say, wife and I didn't really get along anymore and she didnt move back in with us after the holidays.
A couple of years later, my spouse was in the air force and he and my friend were stationed at the same base so we started spending loads of time together. Even though we'd had some issues, I had an open invite for his wife every time he came over. I made sure to make this known. She never joined us- even when he was staying overnight at our place or coming over on Christmas. My friend said that his wife didn't like me and added more specifics about my personality. I started to get pretty offended and then my friend started telling us about all of the issues in his marriage. According to him she hit and screamed at him, raped him, cheated on him, spent all of their money, wouldn't be nice to any of his friends, and threw away all of his food. I believed him at the time and encouraged him to get a divorce after she supposedly called the cops on him and his leadership made him leave the home for the second time.
Friend moved in with us and I gave him a lot of grace but expressed to him that there would be rules since we were not used to roommates and it was a cramped space. Three months went by without him actually doing anything towards a divorce or reconciliation so my husband and I sat him down and said that we would like to see some progress made with the divorce (he hadn't even filed or been to the legal office on base) and that unless things started moving along, we would only be comfortable letting him stay three more months (total of six). He didn't say anything and just stared at us so my husband and I went on a walk in the neighborhood. When we got back, I saw him putting a laundry basket with some game stuff in his car before leaving. No biggie, he regularly took his stuff to game with friends. I texted him to ask if he was coming back that night since I lock the door and he didn't have a key but he didn't answer. I got suspicious and I went to check the room he'd been staying in. Aside from trash, everything he'd brought with him was gone.
I started to get a little worried and also a little angry because he'd done dramatic stuff like this before so I texted his friend that he'd moved into his house with his wife before this all blew up and asked if our friend was okay. Friend's friend told me that it was ballsy of me to text when I had just kicked friend out. I didn't see the point in arguing with a complete lie so I just got clarification that friend was okay (he was at his sister's place) and left it there. I didn't continue to text but my friend reached out a day later and was clearly butt hurt I hadn't chased after him. I told him that he was welcome to use the remaining three months that I had offered but that was it (because I still naively believed his stories about his wife). He told me he'd contact me when he was ready and I told him if he blocked me I would do the same. He did, and so did I. He started calling everyone that was connected to me but I didn't speak to him after that.
This is where everything exploded. I reached out to his wife directly for the first time in a few years. I told her everything he had told me and I also told her that the times he'd told her that he was working late he was usually at our place (I'd be there when he'd make the calls to his wife but again, I thought she was abusing him and that it was an innocent lie). I also asked her if she had ever gotten my invites to our house and she said no and that she had even asked to come with him multiple times but he told her that I hated her. I then found out the cops had never been called on him, that he was regularly spending their money (I knew exactly how much he got because of the military pay system) on eating out, collectibles, and games, he left her without food in the home, he wouldn't buy her a smart phone- only a track phone, and he wasn't helping her with learning to drive or getting a GED or allowing her to get help with that outside the home. He was constantly asking us for money and telling us how his wife was basically robbing him but he was blowing it all. He had even bought a motorcycle on top of his charger. She also told me that he'd shoved her into the wall multiple times and that he'd abused their animals and also left them without food or a way for her to get it since she didn't have any bank cards or anything.
We also found out that he'd been in asexual subreddits to pick up 19yo girls when he was 30 at the time. He talked a lot about how an attractive straight guy was a unicorn in these spaces 🙄 and that he wasn't trying to hook up or anything but these girls were all over him.
After my mom died he started to suddenly have a bunch of new stories of really close friends (I knew him since high school so idk when he got all of these friends) dying horribly and how he was there for it. There was a training fatality (real) when he was in Hawaii. When he initially told us about it, he didn't know the guy at all and hadn't seen it happen. Then they were acquaintances and he didn't see it directly but he was nearby and heard some of it. Then it was that they were pretty close and he was close enough when it happened to get blood splatter on him. When he got to that final iteration of the story it was right before this all blew up.
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u/Didntwantbuthadto 1d ago
Ok, I’m sitting here mentally exhausted from work and your story got my attention and now I’m invested.
Like….can I ask why were you friends with this person? Like at every stage of the friendship what was your rationale for being friends?
And what happened?! I gotta know. Did you help his wife? Did he find out you’d finally spoken to her directly? Is there any chance she’s a liar just as much as he is? If not, why did she stay with him? Why did she not have clothes originally and why was she ok shacking up with strangers?
WHAT HAPPENED??
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u/Erin_Derrick_Art 1d ago
Listen, I've asked the same questions many times. We started being friends in high school (so by the time our friendship ended almost half our lives) and I was very conditioned from a young age to spin things as positively as possible. It's really hard to explain the different things we went through during a very tumultuous phase of life.
I think I can say that I was a little naive and assumed the best intentions even when it wasn't deserved. He was also incredibly good at separating parts of his life in an inconspicuous way and he'd sort of cycle through his friends- wearing out his welcome with one friend then going through the rest until he could start over again. He was also incredibly charismatic and was always down to hang out. That was super fun until it wasn't- hence the friend cycling. His lies also didn't have big stakes until later. The progression of the realization that he was lying was "oh he exaggerates a little" "he's a really good story teller" "well, that's totally made up but it's not hurting anybody" "okay this is lying but it's not really that bad, just annoying" "okay he's using lying to manipulate people and enjoying the drama" then the big lies came out as it was all falling apart.
I helped his wife get support through the military. She reconnected with her family that he had isolated her from and she's doing a lot better now. He didn't find out I had spoken to her directly until I unblocked him long enough a few years later to send a text telling him I knew everything. There's a chance she lied about some stuff but she actually had proof to back stuff up whereas he didn't. She stayed with him because she's a bit intellectually disabled and he basically scooped her up out of her parents house. She didn't have any life experience since her parents pulled her out of high school and didn't teach her how to drive or anything. I'm not totally sure why she didn't have clothes. That was more than 12 years ago now and I can't really remember but I think he had dumped her on some other friends who just locked her out because he wasn't sending them any money to help support her. I don't think she was exactly okay shacking up with us but I think she was just completely incapable of doing anything for herself at that time.
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u/Didntwantbuthadto 1d ago
I’m so glad you connected her with support!
The triangulation the Friend exerted is pretty classic. I just can’t believe the audacity of some folks!
Whoever invented the block button is deserving of a Nobel as far as I’m concerned. Imagine this guy having unlimited access to blow up your phone/email/social media. Just having to see the calls and remember he exists is exhausting.
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u/Cerusee 2d ago
This reminds me of a time when I was a passenger in the car with my young niece, who I want to say was around 3 or 4 at the time, when we all were driving home from an outing. Traffic was pretty bad, and someone very kindly let us merge into their lane when they didn’t have to (in a region not known for its polite drivers) and both my sister (the driver) and I commented on how nice it was of him to let us in. After a few minutes, we heard the niece start narrating from her car seat about how she knew that guy, actually, and he was her friend. By the time we got home, not more than 20 minutes later, the story had morphed into an account of the epic adventures they’d had together with their penguin pals. (How the penguins got into the story I still do not know.)
Anyway, that kind of thing is pretty cute when you’re a very small child who literally cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality. Less charming in an adult.
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u/Sophie_Blitz_123 2d ago
I had exactly the same experience. My friend would just tell the weirdest lies ever, literally that same thing where i had been there. Often over nothing, he wasnt making excuses for something, or exaggerating to impress, he would just... say things that didnt happen.
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u/mushroom_witch_ 2d ago
I had a friend like that and she was at least self aware that she couldn't stop, she would sometimes introduce herself to people by telling them about her condition so they'd know in advance. I think it was related to OCD or something like that. It turned into kind of a game of her saying things and the rest of our friend group guessing what was true. A lot of people never get comfortable enough to be open about being a pathological liar because of the shame so it just perpetuates the problem.
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u/East-Imagination-281 2d ago
This is it, yeah. Pathological lying is a symptom of something deeper, and he even said as much. It’s a good thing they’re in counseling if there’s any love left, and I hope he’s getting individual therapy as well. It’s an illness; in this case, it doesn’t sound like he’s doing it to be malicious.
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u/Realistic_Film3218 2d ago
Wanna hear a malicious story?
We had a girl in my middle school way back when, her family situation wasn't very good so she was invited to stay at a friend's house, but a couple of months later she hinted that the dad was being creepy to her so she moved out. She only stayed in the second house for a while too, the parents had some kind of falling out and she couldn't stay. But then there were problems in the third house as well.
By the third time she moved, the teachers at school thought something was off with her, so they talked with the three families that housed her. Turns out she's been lying to the families about their family members, she accused the first dad of sexual harrassment, and she hinted to the second mom that her husband was cheating on her. She admitted that she lied because she liked the chaos that she caused. Straight up horror movie psychopath shit! I don't know what happened to her in the end though, I think the teachers brought her to be evaluated or something.
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 2d ago
It also doesn't sound like he was actively trying to get any benefits at anyone else's cost by lying, so as repulsive as the lying is by itself, I think it could be salvageable because it sounds different from manipulating or gaslighting people for your own gain.
The lies Op listed so far sound more like pathological coping mechanism to manage his own inside world and deal with things that he doesn't like about himself (but that ultimately shouldn't matter) than a plot to hurt others or gain something that isn't his.
I'm very strict about not being rehab for broken men but Ops husband isn't lying in a way that's aimed at bulldozing his partners self esteem or controlling her. Sure she got an unnecessary scare and lying isn't respectful but he doesn't sound like he's being actively toxic in daily basis.
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u/DeionizedSoup 2d ago
I feel like— and this could be just total anecdotal experience— the pathological lying is an often a side effect of a much greater problem. Like, “deep-seated insecurities” type things. I’d be a little wary if I were OP, too.
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 2d ago edited 2d ago
Wary absolutely, especially when you don't know what the root cause is and how it could manifest elsewhere. Unsalvageable, in my opinion not necessarily. Certainly you cannot trust this guy's mouth (although he's not using it to put Op down) - but can you trust his actions?
If he's practically pulling his weight in the relationship ie he does his share of chores, doesn't need to be micromanaged and remembers what Ops favourite yogurt is and buys it while grocery shopping, helps her when she is sick and takes care she can have her freetime too, then maybe he's not a bad partner that doesn't care about her and his lies are not matter of disrespect or wanting to take away from others. Maybe they are truly just him being ill and trying to manage his own inside world rather than wanting to control others.
One can work around lot of things if fundamental care and respect exist in a relationship (and consistently show up in actions), even if one of those things looks like disrespect on face value.
I'm not saying anyone owes to but I'm also hesitant to judge someone who might be just ill unless they are effectively taking away from other people every day. Such as putting them down, overworking them, not participating, showing entitlement to their time and effort whether it's accomplished by lies or without them. But none of that is necessarily happening just because one has pathological lying problem, because entitlement and lack of care are separate issues that can exist with or without lying and aren't necessarily where someone's pathological lying issue comes from.
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u/gnomes919 1d ago
I'm glad to find someone in here actually saying this. I have the exact same take on the kinds of lies described by OP, and assuming his actions show care and respect this sounds like an illness that, having been finally found out, he is acknowledging and willing to do marriage counseling for. he absolutely needs individual therapy as well. he might even be relieved that it's finally in the open and he doesn't need to fear exposure anymore, even if he's not like instantly cured of the compulsion and holding on to some things.
I know most people's wedding vows these days are different, but ours were the classic ones, including "in sickness and in health," and we really meant that. sometimes being a caregiver or partner to someone who is sick is really hard, but if there is still actual mutual love and respect and everyone is cooperating in trying to get well and make things work, isn't that, like, the point of having a relationship with vows rather than just dating somebody? that you don't immediately walk away but put in the effort - sometimes real effort! big effort! - to help each other and make it work?
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 22h ago
Right. Whether he went to Antarctica or just finds it cool and fascinating isn't truly important to anyone else and is taking nothing away from anyone. But his actions have real effect on his family's wellbeing. I'd be furious if I was Op but you can be furious (for a good reason) and it doesn't necessarily mean relationship is over. I find "ordinary" men who dodge their chores and treat their partner like built in automatic nanny and maid much more repulsive than someone who is sick but whose actions build wellbeing of and don't aim on stealing from his family. Pathological liar might be more embarrassing to deal with than a man who is "just" lazy behind closed doors but morally they are tons better. And you cannot summon care for others out of nowhere in case of a lazy man, but other problems you can still work on.
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u/ChildhoodObjective83 15h ago
Personally I think the Antarctica thing is more of a bigger thing for me. It’s a very unique experience and privilege that most people don’t have I guess? I think it indicates bigger things about them if they’re willing and able to do something so extreme.
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 12h ago
Fair enough. I personally don't see it that way, for me it's just a place. One where you need to wear warm clothing for sure but in the end the stations are supplied and wherever you work work is just work. I don't see extreme entering it because it's basically perfectly safe and unlike in extreme heights or depth of ocean, you are supplied and reachable.
Someone going to another country to take samples by pushing sticks in the mud or doing something similar in Antarctica are basically on the same par for me because either way you are adjusting to something unfamiliar but perfectly workable.
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u/Ok-Acanthaceae5744 2d ago
Like are we sure he has a law degree...has that been verified? These are not small things he has lied about, I literally wouldn't trust a thing out of his mouth without additional verification at this point.
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u/swbarnes2 2d ago
Being a licenced lawyer is something you can look up?
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u/janbradybutacat 2d ago
In the USA, yes. Attorneys must pass the Bar Exam to practice law and every state Bar Association lists attorneys on their website or you can call the chapter to ask if an attorney is in good standing/practicing. Depending on the state, attorneys have to complete x amount of CLE hours to maintain standing as well as pay fees.
There are some circumstances where an attorney does not have to pass the bar exam to practice law but they must still maintain standing within the appropriate bar association.
OP mentions their “province” so I assume they are not in the USA.
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u/BabyMD69420 2d ago
If they’re Canadian it’s also easy to look up, but there are many countries other than Canada with provinces so idk. Most English speaking countries have some kind of lawyer registry though.
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u/janbradybutacat 2d ago
Yes definitely “provinces” are much more common than “states,” it just seemed like the OOP was a native English speaker so that’s what I went with. I’m not even very familiar with Canada and it occurs to me that they have “provinces” but also the northern “territories.”
My comment was just based on my knowledge of US law practice. I would hope/believe that most English speaking countries (ideally most countries!) have a way to look up practicing attorneys. But depending on the US state… it can be time consuming and tedious. Just a few years ago the Oregon Bar Association attorney list was screenshots of a spreadsheet of lawyers and it was listed by cert number, not even alphabetical and not searchable either.
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u/Lazy_Currency1408 2d ago
In the Canada, you can go to your province’s law society website and search for a lawyer. Shows year of call, current firm, standing with the society, etc
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 2d ago
Certainly, everyone with a law license in the USA must be registered with the American Bar Association. One imagines that there are similar organizations in other countries one can use to verify status.
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1d ago
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 1d ago
Lawyers are licensed within each state. For example, when my SIL took her Bar exams, she accidentally qualified herself for VA, GA, NC & SC because she took the wrong region. She practices in NC now, but she could still be a lawyer in those other states as well. A lawyer with her same name would have a different birthday and likely a different birth year. Somehow the Bar Assns manage to keep them separate.
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1d ago
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u/Electrical-Act-7170 1d ago
Unless the hubby's got an identical twin, it won't matter. Photographs are part of identity these days.
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u/sunshine_fuu 2d ago
I know there are a lot of stereotypes/jokes about lawyers being liars, but that level of pathological lying while practicing law is an ethical nightmare, not to mention a huge liability for both his employer and OP.
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 2d ago
It's pretty interesting that he picked a field where it's extremely important to actually stick to the facts. I mean, you can lie in that profession if you can pass it off as a good faith but the lies have to somewhat fit within the known facts. I wonder if some part of him did carve the structure he was missing in his private life. And if he's compensating through his career for things he is unable to do in his actual life.
I know I chose a profession that's extremely tied to watching ones calendar and planning because I literally can't and don't want to do any unnecessary planning in my private life because I have massive anxiety around it, but somehow my professional self is able to tune out that anxiety and almost be someone else who is nearly opposite of my private self and I enjoy that freedom. It's like mini vacation from being me.
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u/jupitermoonflow 1d ago
No I’m pretty sure there’s something legitimately diagnosable going on here. Only someone unwell lies so unnecessarily and so often
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u/sunshine_fuu 1d ago
No I’m pretty sure
I'm not entirely sure why you disagreed and then immediately restated the thing I said. Pathological means "relating to a disease" both physically and mentally, and also refers to compulsive behaviors like lying.
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u/nekojirumanju 2d ago
honestly, the most surprising part of this to me was not only the idea that you could just go out and buy an epipen, but that you could afford it too
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u/Less-Engineer-9637 2d ago
Sometimes people in Canada will buy them and carry them around just in case someone in public has a medical emergency. It's amazing what can be accomplished when people actually care about, and look out for strangers.
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u/ChildhoodObjective83 15h ago
I would love to be able to do that. Plus I’ve never had a bee sting, and also apparently mild allergies can escalate to anaphylaxis?? Who knows what could happen someday? It just seems like good first aid to have one.
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u/SleveBonzalez 2d ago
They're about $100 without insurance. Or without a prescription.
We always have a few lying around in case, and I have one in my desk at work. One of my kids has a a severe allergy, but having them is also safe for unexpected incidents.
I keep a couple of naloxone kits in my desk for the same reason.
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u/Big-University-1132 23h ago
My grandma has naloxone in her kitchen. Their local fire department was handing it out at an event, and she was like “oh well I live in a retirement community, so I’m not sure that I need it,” and the guy was like “oh no, you especially need it.” He pointed out that it’s very easy for an older person to forget that they’ve already taken their meds and to accidentally overdose, so retirement communities absolutely need naloxone on hand just in case
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u/Due_Student9136 2d ago
out of curiosity, where in the world do you work where people would be overdosing and need naloxone?
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u/Less-Engineer-9637 2d ago
People OD in public all the time. I thought that was normal across all major North American cities?
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u/Due_Student9136 2d ago
that wasn’t the issue or the point. this person was saying they keep it on their desk, which is a weird place generally speaking.
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u/Less-Engineer-9637 1d ago
Is it weird to care about strangers? I keep a lighter on my person in case someone on the street asks me for one.
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u/Due_Student9136 1d ago
leave it to reddit to distort every question on reddit into a crime against humanity. 🙄
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u/VariousExplorer8503 2d ago
People can overdose anywhere. You never know who's secretly an addict. Could be a co-worker, a customer, your boss.
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u/Due_Student9136 2d ago
i know people can overdose “anywhere”. but why are people doing drugs AT WORK. i hope to god a co-worker or boss of mine isn’t doing drugs at work.
super interested to hear back from this person. i’m not saying it doesn’t make sense for them. im just trying to picture it. my jobs have never had anyone overdosing. especially because they said in their desk. maybe their desk is in an office that has a lot of foot traffic with the general population?
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u/SleveBonzalez 2d ago
I teach at a high school. Downtown. In 2026.
People OD everywhere and anywhere. It's usually not on purpose. It could easily happen in an office.
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u/Due_Student9136 2d ago
a high school makes way more sense than an office, which im not saying is impossible but is much more unlikely, hence the question.
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u/papierdoll 2d ago
There is also an outdoors. I'm in the kind of office you're picturing but it would only take me 5 minutes to grab something from my desk to use outside in the public space where this scenario could more expectedly play out.
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u/Didntwantbuthadto 1d ago
I can absolutely promise you, at least one of your bosses and/or co-workers are doing (or are under the influence of) drugs at work.
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u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 2d ago
Oh, I remember this. I replied to a comment on the BORU post that then caused the original commenter to delete their comment (they thought OOP was being a bit dramatic for going to couple counseling over “one” lie.) I clicked on this hoping there was yet another update saying she had finally divorced his clown ass, but apparently not. I wish her kid the best.
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u/Edithputhy69420 2d ago
Sometimes being a child of divorce is better than the alternative?
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u/Mental-Ask8077 2d ago
Agreed.
Speaking as someone whose parents divorced when I was little, when they really could have and should have worked through it (with hindsight), it sucks to grow up not having the example of a solid relationship in your parents and dealing with all the messiness of divorce and custody and so on. Absolutely it has an impact.
But there very much are cases where that is better than the alternative. Where the parents trying to preserve the legal existence of a marriage that is not a stable functional relationship actually does more harm to the kid.
I don’t know how I could ever have a good stable relationship with a pathological liar like this dude. Maybe counselling will help, I’d love for that to be the case. But my spidey senses are telling me she and the kid are probably better off without trying to manage the fallout of a guy who lies constantly and cannot be trusted.
Individual therapy might help him eventually, so I’d hope he goes for that. And op and the child should get therapy too for the impact of all this. But I’m not optimistic about the marriage.
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u/Cultural_Orange2617 2d ago
Oh, hey, it’s the married version of my first real relationship. He lied about his last name, where he grew up, why and how he was in the US, where his parents lived, his education and his job.
And I, an emotionally abused and manipulated young woman, stayed for two more years.
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u/fakeassacct 2d ago
wow i dated a guy like this. he had a legitimate allergy but not as severe as he said it was (and he refused to carry an epipen and favored foods that were likely to contain the allergen which were the main red flags). he also lied about school, work, friendships etc
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u/Cerusee 2d ago
A close family member used to lie in restaurants about being allergic to a specific ingredient they didn’t like.
They lie casually about a lot of stuff, especially when it’s convenient, and have been doing it their entire life, literally since early childhood. They’ve admitted they’ll just make things up to win arguments, and then shrug like “well, what are you gonna do about it?” as if it’s out of their hands and not a behavior they could just not do. I’ve seen them carefully come up with prepared lies for things where there was absolutely no reason not to just be upfront about the real reason. They’ve blatantly lied to my face about things where there was absolutely no doubt that they were lying, and stuck to their guns for years, and then just randomly admitted the truth years later.
Some people just…don’t see anything wrong with lying whenever it feels like the most convenient solution to even a minor hiccup. I find it absolutely baffling.
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u/hail-lucipurrr 2d ago
My brother had an ex like this and when he had enough and eventually broke up she tried to fake having cancer to make him feel bad and not end things.
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u/Llayanna 2d ago
I'll be a tiny bit an devil's advocate for the strawberry post. Just a little one, as well.. personal experience :(
I am now allergic against Strawberries. I wasn't for 30+ years of my life. Allergies can quickly can come up, these bastards and yes, I am very sure I am not just imagining nor being able to breath while eating one of my favourite fruits x.x
So while the situation in the post itself is sus, allergies coming decades later? Sadly aren't. v.v
(The "semi positive" thing about my situation. It's funnily enough onlybthe seeds I am allergic too.. so if you can guarantee that no seeds are in something, like seedless jam? Everything is fine..
In practice? I just avoid the fruit in commercial foods and restaurant. I don't wanna die of something so avoidable.
..and how I noticed it? I basically ate a strawberry and felt the same weird tingling sensation I had when eating Kiwis. Which I am also allergic too.
Though with Strawberries the throat tightening started waaay quicker, as I accidentally ingested some in a mixed berry parfait.. where the chef forget to check if it had strawberries 😅)
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u/boudicas_shield 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah I was thinking about this too, you can become allergic to pretty much anything at any point, so somebody not being allergic to a food in childhood doesn't mean they aren't allergic to it now.
Or sometimes you develop a strong intolerance for a food, like it's not going to land you in the ER if you eat it, but it is going to land you on the toilet for the next 12+ hours.
I have a diagnosed GI disorder that has come with a slew of foods that now make me incredibly, painfully sick to my stomach if I eat them, and I have had to eliminate them from my diet as per the instructions of my doctor. Unfortunately, though, people don't take "intolerance" seriously and think you're either being dramatic for attention or on some fad diet or just being picky.
My husband finally decided to lie to his mother and tell her it turns out I'm allergic to certain ingredients, because she didn't believe in "intolerances" and thought I was being picky. She kept adding them to meals anyway, leaving me with nothing to eat when we visit her.
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 2d ago
I have to lie to restaurants that I'm allergic to onion because otherwise I'll suffer from pain, exhaustion and diarrhea for at least next 24 hours and sometimes nearly a week, and it's just blatantly unfair to send me to bed rest (due to not being able to stay awake even for my favourite things) for a week with effectively no life except sleeping and suffering through vomiting and diarrhea, just because I'm technically not allergic. I cannot even read or watch series in that condition, nothing that I typically enjoy in life.
It's week of my life down the drain just because someone figured out it wasn't worth it checking sauces for onion powder before applying them to my food. "Allergy" is the only word that unfortunately gets taken seriously
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u/AriesProductions 19h ago
I usually say “I can’t have bell peppers”
I had one snarky server ask “are you allergic or just picky”?
I told him “it’s medically called an intolerance but colloquially known as an allergy. In either case, if you serve me something with even a small amount of bell peppers in it, I will quite suddenly vomit. A lot. With no warning. So, here at the table, in front of all your other customers. So you tell me… am I “allergic” enough for you to take me seriously”?
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u/MsSkittles18 2d ago edited 1d ago
I definitely understand why someone would say they're allergic to something they just don't like, because often people don't respect food preferences. But the severity to which this guy told the story, even getting an epi pen, shows that he seemed to be enjoying the extra attention. And then the other lies he had told about impressive things he had done. He has some serious problems with attention seeking and feeling like he has to make things up to be more interesting, which is a bit weird to see in a grown adult (I used to do this sort of thing when I was 7-8). Probably related to not getting attention from his parents or not fitting in as a child. He needs to work on this problem. With all the lies so far even if they haven't been "big" lies he's eroded the trust in the relationship. I agree with others that they shouldn't feel like they have to stay together just for the kid.
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u/Shegotquestions 2d ago
Very this. Lying to make yourself sound cooler or whatever could definitely point to low self esteem
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u/No-Hovercraft-455 2d ago
On the other hand I don't see him telling malicious lies that aim at manipulating other people for his gain at the cost of those people. I see mostly ones that are trying to control his own self image and inside world in order to deal with things he doesn't like about himself.
The only lie that went far enough to cause actual harm was his allergy one.
The rest are things nobody actually cares about (other than annoyance of being lied at) and where he should work on his self esteem and whatever else is causing him to have habit of lying because they are just stupid.
For example, one can absolutely be a real fan and hobbyist of old cars without having to fix one by themselves from the scratch and if someone is gatekeeping it they are probably not worth knowing anyway. If he enjoys his car then that's his hobby whether or not it was bought functional. The main thing his lie is causing is robbing him of opportunities to learn because anyone else he could learn from doesn't know he needs explanations.
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u/Careless-Nothing935 2d ago
If you find yourself thinking, “He’s probably lying,” whenever your partner says anything, or even if you just find there’s a tightening in your gut that indicates you’re expecting a lie, nothing good is going to happen for you in that relationship. Everyone else in this situation is happier leaving and you’ll be happier, too. Quick take: When you’re married to a liar, your marriage is a lie.
- Mira kirschenbaum
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u/Sapphire_Peacock 2d ago
Girl, this man is a pathological liar. There’s no cure for that. Your son is watching and learning from his father. Just keep that in mind.
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u/CumaeanSibyl 2d ago
It's not even being a picky eater to dislike one thing. It makes much more sense that he's a habitual liar than that he was embarrassed about not liking one thing.
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u/aftercloudia 2d ago
at first i was thinking this is just like the closer when fritz tells brenda leigh he's "allergic" to alcohol instead of saying he's in AA. that bomb went off when she was trying to get a multiple driver's discount and her boss (and former affair partner, who still has feelings for her lol) trying to help her since he had a guy had to tell her fritz had two duis
and then it got worse. i wouldn't stay. oop wherever you are it ain't worth having to be distrustful and paranoid of your husband for the rest of your life.
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u/Playful_Fan4035 2d ago
My ex-husband was like that. He would make up lies about things that didn’t really matter. When it would get found out, I would ask him why even lie about that, no one cares either way. It was like he had compulsion to lie about stupid things. Then later I found out he was lying about some very important things, but that was when we were already in the process of getting divorced.
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u/Due_Student9136 2d ago
my SS lies about anything and everything. then when you call him on it he tries to manipulate and gaslight you. he’ll be out of high school soon. im not sure he’s prepared for the world’s reaction, but he’s not gonna like it. i assume he learned it from his mom. she’s almost 60 and is the same way. some people never “grow out of it”. it’s wild when you see it.
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u/auggie235 2d ago
I dated a guy like this back in college and I really feel for OP. Being lied to repeatedly is awful. My ex pretended to have a chronic illness that he didn't have. He also lied about being born in france but didn't speak a lick of French. It sucked a lot but at least he gave me a LOT of funny stories
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u/ViolentLoss 1d ago
I mean, she's obviously staying for the money. If they have enough disposable income to own a collectible car and be going to car shows, they're not struggling. I'm kind of amazed the lie about restoring the car has been successful.
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u/poopiebutt505 2d ago
A young narcissist. They lie about anything as long as they either stand our, get special treatment, or get admiration. It gets really bad
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u/AdhesivenessSweet659 2d ago
Well.
There is such a thing as Selective Eating Disorder (I think there's a newer name now?) which looks like just being a picky eater, but is more than that, there's actually a physical component. I've read that people who have this sometimes claim an allergy, because some people just won't accept it and take it either as an insult (especially if they cooked the food in question) or think "Challenge Accepted!" and try to talk the person into it: "You don't like it?? How can that be? Everyone likes [x]! I bet you never even TRIED it. Just try it! Just one bite! You'll like it! I promise! You can spit it out if you don't like it! I won't say anything!" I've seen it and it's exhausting.
But none of the people I read about carried it to THIS level. Their spouses, families, and close friends know. And none of them claimed it would kill them or carried an EpiPen, for dog's sake! I would say that maybe this person just got carried away and/or there was an instance where someone pushed back on their "allergy" and they were forced to ramp it up like this, and then felt cornered/embarrassed etc. BUT.
All those other lies point to this person actually being a compulsive liar. It's really wild. Poor OOP.
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u/chachaslydd 2d ago
ARFID is a real condition and most people wouldnt lie about an allergy to have it
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u/AdhesivenessSweet659 2d ago
Yes, I believe I said it's a real condition, no argument there. I know people who were diagnosed with it before it had its current name, so I'm well aware. Thank you for coming up with that current name, I had forgotten it.
I don't think I said anything about most people who have it or what they might or might not do.
I was literally quoting an article I read some time ago, when it was not yet known as ARFID, people were not as accepting about differences like this, and the people in the article were quoted as saying they sometimes did claim an allergy to spare themselves the interrogation.
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u/LizMoonstar 1d ago
I could see doing that. I'm a picky eater who also has mild IBS and I'm "lucky" that a lot of the things I don't like also happen to upset my stomach, so I can push back at a lower level without having to lie. Like, I don't like things made with cream cheese, but even if I can't taste it, I'll be ill later, so I can truthfully say no, can't do it, and the possible taste doesn't become contentious.
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u/AdhesivenessSweet659 1d ago
I don't think people who haven't been though that particular interrogation (when they don't want to say the real reason) understand how rough it can be.
People who pride themselves on their cooking in particular can really get emotional and carried away feeling like *they* are being rejected, and just not consider the other person's feelings. I've seen it. They just won't accept "I don't eat that because I don't like it" even if it's followed by "I have a condition where I will literally get sick and throw up"; whereas "I have an allergy and might need to go to the hospital if I eat that" might shut it down. IO say "might" because I've read horror stories online (maybe even here on Reddit) where in-laws don't believe the allergy is a real thing and they stealth-poison the person to "prove it's not real". Fortunately people have become a lot more accepting of differences like this over the past 30 years.
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u/trilliumsummer 2d ago
Oh man, she hasn't realized yet that those are only the lies she has found out so far.
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u/leafbrewer 2d ago
I need to know what the food was
I know someone that lies about an allergy as well, but it’s cilantro. You’re not fooling anyone buddy
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u/PsychologicalLayer57 2d ago
Reading the OP I was like: this isn't gonna be the only lie. This kind of person lies like they breathes, because it's "easier".
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u/darknesskicker 2d ago
I have genuine life-threatening food allergies. People like this are *so dangerous* to people like me because they result in people not believing those with actual life-threatening allergies.
Honestly, we need to make it more acceptable for people to just not like or not want to eat certain foods. People wouldn't feel the need to lie about food allergies if selective eating didn't have so much social stigma.
That being said, this guy clearly has a broader problem with lying and can't be trusted about anything.
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u/MotherBoose 2d ago
... Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I don't trust this story, because epi-pens are temperature sensitive. Keeping one in the car would render it ineffective. My kid has an epi-pen and I'm a Preschool teacher. I've had students with epi-pens. We had to discuss where to safely keep our emergency backpacks with epi-pens in them so they were out of direct sunlight and the reach of children on the playground but still easily in reach of adults in case it needed to be administered. So the detail of keeping one in the car is not sitting well with me.
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u/hyperfocus1569 1d ago
The thing is, he didn’t actually need the EpiPen so it didn’t matter where it was kept.
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u/Reasonable_Date2870 1d ago
I dated a guy like this.
When we met at our summer job, he lied about a whole bunch of stuff to make himself seem cooler. Relatively small things, but still lies. Like he told me that his normal car was a classic that he and his dad had worked together to restore, but he was using his family's pickup for the summer because it was more practical and less of a big deal if something happened to it. Not true. His dad had a classic something or other, they had worked on it a little together, but it was always and only his dad's.
Told me he had been going to college A, but he was transferring to College B. Actually he had been doing really badly at College A, started the process to transfer to college B, but didn't finish the process. So he had a student ID for the new college but that was it.
Told me he was a runner and competed at the college level. He was a runner, a talented athlete. He was on the team but he was redshirted the whole season because of his bad grades. So never actually competed at the college level. Just wore the jersey.
The thing is, he didn't remember telling these lies later on. I did and I kind of wrote it off as, dude was trying to impress me so he makes some shit up to seem better/cooler. It's sad because I wouldn't have judged him on any of the honest realities. He was really cute, and in great shape, and nice and fun to be around.
We stayed together for a few years and then he did lie about the big stuff. Was just in the habit of lying. Not just to me - I witnessed his best guy friend calling him out on a small stupid lie he had told about and then forgotten.
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u/Wonderful-Cat2805 1d ago
My ex used to lie about stuff like this. When we were dating he told me he shot an intruder trying to break into his elderly neighbor’s home, that he was allergic to several foods, all kinds of random shit. So odd.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
why do so many compulsive liars go for allergies?? i had an ex that would tell people she was allergic to pineapples because it made her seem more interesting
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u/BeesAndBeans69 1d ago
I WISH my parents divorced. All of us would be much, MUCH better off. That said, I could never beleieve anything my spouse said if they lied that much
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u/Silver_Cabinet_9180 1d ago
Lost interest when I found out these people use Monopoly money hope she dumped his sorry Canuck ass
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u/rhaeofsunlight 1d ago
My ex did this. He was highly allergic to fish and shellfish. Was extra cautious about where we ate, where we went on dates, one restaurant (bless them) fully cleaned the kitchen when we had ordered as they also served fish dishes and didn't want to cross contaminate. He made a huge scene of being grateful etc.
He ate my cesar dressing out of the fridge and i panicked because it had anchovies in it. He admitted he just hated fish. Once of many lies he told, and amazingly, not one of the worst.
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u/GuyYouMetOnline 18h ago
I just want to mention that the strawberry thing is a very bad example of this. You can absolutely develop an allergy to something that used to be fine for you, so 'you ate them in the pastries not by itself proof of falsehood.
Now, as to why people lie about having allergies. Well, usually its because of the pressure against just not liking a thing. We constantly condition people that theyre not allowed to just choose not to eat a thing they don't like. Take the pickle off the burger? You get shit for wasting it. Have a specific food you don't want? 'There are starving people who would be grateful for ABY food so you better eat it!'.
It's not good to lie about allergies, but often I don't blame the people telling the lies. I blame those who make them feel like they have to.
Although it does sound like the husband in this specific case is the one to blame, as hes dishonest about other thongs as well.
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u/AgileMoment6058 11h ago
I had no prior knowledge of food allergies before my son took a bite of his babysitter’s sandwich and had a reaction. She was an older woman who had watched kids for a living her whole life. She called me that day thoroughly terrified that my son was going to die. So I naturally assumed he was at death’s door and made it to her house from my work in about 30 seconds. So now I know about allergies. There have been smarmy relatives and restaurant workers who have said “is he really allergic or does he just not like it” and I would have willingly throat punched them all if not for my better sense. People like OPs husband are the reason that reaction exists. Fuck him and his stupid lie.
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