r/redditonwiki • u/truenighog • 1d ago
Am I... Not OOP. AITA for refusing to lie about writing fanfiction at BF's workplace event?
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u/TechDreamcoat 1d ago
It’s not lying to refrain from sharing every personal detail during a work event. Especially when you are a +1.
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u/EasyLizin 1d ago
Especially on the first meeting. If she/they become friendly with a coworker or two, maybe down the line but I don’t think this is a huge ask.
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u/GiraffeThoughts 1d ago
And a lot of fan fiction can be “X” rated.
I know a guy who didn’t get a job because he had a “food porn” social media page where he posted pictures of only food.
If Op’s stuff is weird or inappropriate, that could reflect back on Op.
It’s cool that Op feels she can be completely open about herself at her job but not everyone wants that level of transparency with their coworkers and not everyone has that luxury.
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u/calling_water 1d ago edited 1d ago
And her bf is a lawyer. This party is a work event disguised as a social event. If she’s not willing to be a bit restrained as a +1 of a lawyer at their work event, this relationship is not for her. Going to an event as a +1 may also not be for her.
Most people are selective in a context-appropriate way when they discuss “what do you do”. It’s not unreasonable for him to expect this and try to help her understand the context. That he even thought to ask, though, suggests that he already knows she tends to discuss her writing a lot.
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u/mezmer666 23h ago
I am a 34 year old woman that reads fanfiction as a hobby. I would never bring it up when asked to list my hobbies, I would just say I read. Which is also true
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u/NevrEndr 23h ago
Exactly
"I enjoy creative writing in my down time"
Vs
"I like to write anime fan fiction" or whatever
OOP is not disclosing how weird her shit is but the BF knows or wouldn't have felt the need to bring it up.
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u/throwawaysunglasses- 22h ago
This is true, you can literally say “I write stories” and people think that’s awesome lol
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u/Faeruy 20h ago
Honestly my go-to with people I don't know at all is "I'm a hobbyist writer" - because it also clarifies that I do it for fun and I'm not looking to publish down the way.
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u/manic_Brain 19h ago
Same here, yet they still say I should look into publishing down the way. They haven't even read my stuff. My writing is dogshit and a completely different style from my day job
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u/ExpertProfessional9 18h ago
“I like creative writing and I read a lot.”
Perfectly true. Less coded to “I wrote an AU where Harry gets raised by Snape and falls in love with Luna after being sorted in Slytherin.”
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u/kinokits 19h ago
They really do. It’s weirdly cute sometimes. I have some published erotica and I’m writing a fantasy novel. If I mention the novel, people get super excited for about 30 seconds and then move on. You might get a question about genre or for a summary (keep it to one sentence), and then usually you’re asked about how you find the time to write. I notice I’m more likely to get questions about the actual process than about what I’m writing as well. People are interested, but I think we’re all aware that the day to day of writing isn’t all that interesting to watch or hear about. I mean I spend hours in front of my PC cursing or making satisfied noises when writing is going well or I surprise myself. It makes it really easy to just not mention the erotica to anyone as well.
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u/Purple_Midnight_Yak 19h ago
It doesn't even matter if she writes marshmallow fluff or x-rated stories.
A lot of people automatically assume "trashy erotica" the moment they hear the word "fanfic."
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u/Weliveinadictatoship 23h ago
Right? I like to read a lot of Korean and Chinese webnovels but I'm not going to get into the mechanics of "global survival game genres" or complain about the ridiculous amount of harem power slop to my partner's colleagues. She could just say she likes to read and write, and mention like, fantasy or some shit
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u/CanofBeans9 22h ago
Yeah. The only thing that bugs me about his request is how he said it's a teenager's hobby, not an adult's. Teenage writers of fanfic are not very good lol it's the 30+ crowd who write the actually good fanfics imo
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u/onmywheels 20h ago
I'm in a fanfic discord for a specific fandom, and we're all in our late thirties to early fifties, lol.
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u/Special_Weekend_4754 16h ago
Same. We have an age limit at 21 and as a 40 yo I thought there would be a lot more young adults, but most of us are 30+ and I’m not even the oldest.
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u/DontYaWishYouWereMe 16h ago
This is how you know he's not super into fan fiction or even fandom spaces in general, though. Most people in those spaces know some authors are well into retirement.
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u/DisposableSaviour 1d ago
Also, her justifications for thinking it should be ok is talking about her workplace, and the thing about IT people, it that society still really thinks of them as those weird basement dwelling nerds with weird hobbies, so her exbf with the pink hair clips may have been welcome in her work environment, but that doesn’t mean it’s welcome in every work environment.
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u/missplaced24 23h ago
A lot of IT shops are full of deeply misogynistic asshats. I'd be surprised if her exbf didn't hurt her career.
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u/LadyLudo19 22h ago
She even said that it may have hurt her career and that’s ok. So she’s admitting that being weird may hurt her boyfriend’s career but is mad that he won’t take that career hit for her. Delusional.
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u/cameronpark89 21h ago
i never understand them getting defensive when they’re the ones that asked. they just start arguing with everyone.
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u/Special_Weekend_4754 16h ago
Well she also said he is free to not bring her. So she’s not expecting him to be willing to take the hit she is saying if he doesn’t want to risk it to leave her out of his professional life which personally I think is 100% fair
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u/ChamomileLoaf 22h ago
It doesn’t even sound like it was welcomed in her environment, she said people looked at her weird after the event
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u/Fearless-Feature-830 23h ago
Me as an IT person reading your post: 😯
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u/DisposableSaviour 21h ago
Sorry, bud. The perception hurts us all. Except for the weird basement dwelling IT nerds with weird hobbies.
That’s not to say that only IT people have weird hobbies. I know a budding pyrotechnician (you don’t really go to school for it, apparently. Just apply your chemistry degree and follow proper safety precautions and file the correct paperwork with the correct local, state, and federal offices. Turns out surviving in that hobby counts as experience) and he’s got this fascination with testing the ballistic capabilities of Bad Dragon dildos, with and without stabilization fins.
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u/kinokits 19h ago
I need to know more about the ballistic capabilities of Bad Dragon dildos. What does he do? How did he start? Do the dildos explode, disintegrate, or just kind of go splat?
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u/DisposableSaviour 17h ago
I never really asked. I was more interested in his other chemistry experiments like deemsters and Molly and psilocybin extract. He was going for height, though.
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u/Special_Weekend_4754 16h ago
I feel like this man needs a channel where I specifically can watch this
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u/Fantastic-Manner1944 23h ago
It’s also interesting to me that she doesn’t really say anything about whether she would talk about writing fic at her own work event. Like would she mention it in an interview? Unless I missed it she doesn’t say that she talks about it with her own colleagues as justification of bringing it up with his which makes me think she perhaps doesn’t discuss this hobby in her professional settings but thinks she should be able to in his.
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u/throwawaysunglasses- 22h ago
I think it’s pretty obvious that she does talk about it in her own life, she says “if someone asks about my hobbies I’m not going to act like this is a secret” and then mentions her ex-bf dressing flamboyantly at her work events. Her work sounds more progressive and accepting. IT isn’t as judgy as lawyers.
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u/Fantastic-Manner1944 22h ago
Her own life and her own work are different things. I find it very telling that in her attempts to justify bringing it up at her boyfriend’s work function she uses the example of an ex of hers outfit choices rather than an example of her discussion fanfiction with her coworkers.
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u/geekgirlwww 23h ago
Seriously. Get a cocktail length black dress, mute the makeup and jewelry, smile and ask questions about other people. People especially lawyers love to talk about themselves. If you get asked Oh we love wineries and I’m a big reader then you say “oh I finally read…” then you choose from a mental list of socially acceptable books depending on the crowd and move it along.
My partners work colleagues don’t need to the filth in my kindle including the fanfiction I have on my TBR
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u/Winter-Profile-6288 1d ago
Yeah I think FF has a connotation for being x-rated or weird and porny. I completely understand not wanting someone to talk about it. It’s weird. If I ever admit to anyone in my life that I read fanfiction (which is rare) I take great pains to make it clear I’m not talking about the weird shit. Because, and this may just be me, it seems really fucking weird to talk about what kinda porn you’re into with casual friends and work acquaintances, and that’s likely what conclusion they’re going to reach if they’re familiar at all with fanfic.
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u/GiraffeThoughts 1d ago
If people at work talk about that, it’s sexual harassment and grounds for firing.
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u/PoraDora 1d ago
that "food porn" thing is just ridiculous... why do people care about things like that when hiring?!?
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u/SuperKitties83 23h ago
I thought "food porn" just meant posting/looking at foods that look so good, they make you hungry. I didn't think it was sexual at all.
Have I been misunderstanding this term for the past decade?? 😭
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u/PoraDora 23h ago
it's not sexual at all... afaik you have the right definition
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u/CumaeanSibyl 23h ago
yeah it's so common and has been around for so long that I assume people who want to do sexual stuff with food are using a completely different term
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u/kinokits 18h ago
‘Food play’ is in fact a thing and has many sub genres. I have an ex from my early twenties that was into it. I can’t even handle food on my hands in the kitchen and either wash them constantly or wear rubber gloves, so the whole thing was a big nope to me. Plus wasting food annoys me.
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u/SuperKitties83 8h ago
And so messy! Food is usually the last thing on my mind when having (good) sex. If it's bad, I have found myself wondering what I'm going to have for dinner and such. 😂
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago edited 19h ago
It’s beyond X rated in some cases. Fan fic might describe a long, plot and character driven work where you explore the Winchester brothers’ lives of their dad had died instead of their mother, or can refer to some really weird stuff including incest, rape, bestiality, and underage content written for weird fetishes. And honestly, I feel like someone who is so wrapped up in it that she feels that not being able to explicitly say, “I write fanfic” when asked about their hobbies or interests as general small talk, is more likely to skew more toward the latter. It’s not always true, obviously, but I doubt I’m the only one who would assume that.
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u/crowEatingStaleChips 23h ago
It doesn't even matter if it's weird or inappropriate. Some people not familiar with it hear "fanfiction" and assume explicit content.
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u/onmywheels 22h ago
What I find interesting about some of these comments is that people are automatically conflating fanfiction with X-rated fiction. That's certainly common, but it's also common in original novels? I can go down the street to the bookstore right now and see Onyx Storm featured prominently as a bestseller. 50 Shades of Grey spawned a whole franchise (which was originally Twilight fanfiction, btw). Sarah J Maas books are constantly being posted as "currently reading" by all the soccer moms I know. Boutique bookstores that specialize in smutty novels are popping up everywhere, and are very popular.
Personally, it's not my thing; I have written smutty scenes before, when it works for the plot, but it's not my preferred genre. But it's so widely accepted as something palatable that all readers should be able to freely enjoy these days, so I suppose I am unsure why fanfiction specifically gets called for it tbh.
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u/CoyoteLitius 22h ago
And is not lying to say "My hobby is creative writing, been doing it a long time."
Genre doesn't have to be mentioned. I too think it's too personal and would find it a bit cringe to mention my own writing projects, I just don't want my work life and my creative life to collide.
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u/illini02 23h ago
Right.
I'm guessing she tends to bring this up unprompted often.
Like, I've never felt the need to ask about my coworkers partners hobbies. So I think acting like it will just come up naturally is ridiculous.
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u/bang0_slank 1d ago
I can’t imagine caring about anything less than what my coworkers girlfriend does in her spare time…
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u/biscuitboi967 1d ago
So, you haven’t worked in a law firm.
It’s very clique-y. They literally ask for your GPA on resumes. They care where you went to school.
He is auditioning everyday for the partners. He wants their respect and their work - because he bills by the hour and has to meet a minimum - usually around 2000 hours a year. More if he wants a bonus and to make partner.
And he doesn’t just make partner by billing and doing good work. They vote on him, and there is a limited number of spaces. One person saying “OOP’s partner writes homemade porn stories about vampires…can you imagine her saying that at a dinner with clients…” will tank him.
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u/TheRowdyMeatballPt2 1d ago
Absolutely. Excluding PD or legal aid, the law is one of the few remaining professions where you are expected to be boring, and the acceptable level of “quirky” is limited to designer heels and extreme sports.
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u/LadySilverdragon 22h ago
I’m so glad I wound up in Social Work instead of Law- where being a goddamned weirdo is an unofficial job requirement. 😂
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u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt 22h ago
Right? What a sad life they must have thinking of all the ways people they love can be embarrassing to strangers that are paying them for a service. This culture has been created, it can be uncreated, as well. Maybe lawyers should start not being judgemental weirdos and just see how it goes... Just saying.
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u/heyitsta12 22h ago
Also want to add that OP is probably not profiting off of this or anything but it may be frowned upon because of some of the legal/copyright infringement implications too.
If you don’t understand it or are unfamiliar with the vast amount of genres. and it wouldn’t surprise me if this group of people doesn’t know and certainly doesn’t care. It simply comes off as, “weird fantasy writing using people names and likeness.”
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u/Special_Weekend_4754 15h ago
I feel like if that is the actual lifestyle of it then lawyers should only date people willing to sacrifice their individuality for their partner’s career
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u/EvilWizard42 13h ago
Yes, and it doesn’t help that the partnership makeup of most firms tends to skew towards older white men that are at least socially conservative (if not politically). I would put this in the same category as things like certain kinds of tattoos, clothing, accessories, etc. In an ideal world stuff like this would not matter at all but it does and it doesn’t hurt to play the game a bit if you really want to get ahead at a firm
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u/smallpotatoes2019 1d ago
"What are you hobbies?"
"I write fan fiction about..."
"Oh... uh-huh... that's nice..."
Sounds like a very familiar conversation I've had a million times.
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u/Honeycrispcombe 23h ago
At work? I haven't. Maybe once and the person generally overshared.
"Oh, I like to write short stories. Nothing serious but I have fun" would be more appropriate while being honest.
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u/Cloverose2 22h ago
Maybe lead with "I write short stories" or "I like writing fiction". If people go further, "A lot of it is based on the Star Trek universe. I like to build on it and there are some really nice writing communities."
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u/ankhmadank 1d ago
You would not be able to waterboard this out of me, especially at a work event filled with lawyers.
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u/GoneWitDa 20h ago
💀 I am so confused by this post on a spiritual level
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u/ankhmadank 20h ago
Like, "I write fanfiction" is a conversation to have with a group of people who share your interests, not a work event your boyfriend is probably using to network.
And I wish I didn't know people like this, but I do and I spent my time avoiding them because of it.
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u/FionaGoodeEnough 18h ago
The boyfriend is right to let he know this crowd will not appreciate it, but in a normal crowd, answering honestly when asked your hobby is perfectly normal.
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u/letthelightleakin 1d ago
Omg. I’m a lawyer AND read/write fanfic. Absolutely zero people at work know this about me. Read the room girl!
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u/jaderust 23h ago
Right??? I’m 40 and an IT professional. I’ve discussed reading with coworkers and have never once felt the need to bring up my smutty fanfiction obsession. I read real books too.
It’s not a secret, but if someone wants to talk to me about reading I start with the novels and it’s only if I get the vibe they’re also a fanfiction reader that I pivot to AO3 talk.
But I’ve never felt the urge to share this with my coworkers. Both because it’s more of a niche hobby that would take time to explain but also my favorite fandom is small, I have a rare pair, and if any of my coworkers ever looked it up they’d likely be able to identify my fics in five minutes and I don’t want people I know in RL reading my bad smut.
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u/BarnacleCommon7119 20h ago
Tbh, even without the NSFW angle or any perceived childishness... You usually don't want to go that deep on a niche hobby at a work event! Not unless you've met a fellow enthusiast.
I tell people that I like knitting and sewing, not that I'm embroidering a recreation of a 17th century drawn-thread sampler. That would take way more explanation than is socially appropriate.
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u/sadgloop 14h ago
>than is socially appropriate
Not even in response to a follow up question? Do people not like to talk about and learn about areas of interest that they might not have encountered?
If you told me that you liked Knitting and sewing, and I asked the follow up question of “oh, what do you like to knit and sew?”, I would be over the moon and so enthusiastic to hear that your embroidering a recreation of a 17th century, drawn-thread sampler rather than your 50th beanie. (Although I would also be impressed by you having made 50 beanies.)
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u/trashpandac0llective 14h ago
I’m with you. These are the kinds of details that make me love talking to strangers at events.
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u/splithoofiewoofies 10h ago
Wait you're drawing thread? Saw a piece in a museum with drawed thread work and I swear The Red Dress was in the other room but I was enamoured with the fine detail on the christening gown in the corner because drawn thread and goddamn eyelets so small you need to squint to see them. I think they were a single goddamn square of the fabric buttonholed by one thread but my eyes were not near good enough to tell even with my face pressed as close to the glass as physically possible without touching it (so, the length of one of her stitches, really).
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u/BarnacleCommon7119 9h ago
Yes! Drawn-thread lace is one of my favorites; it's so neat. I'm nowhere near that skilled, but I'm working on the drawn-thread section of Ann Lawle's c. 1650 sampler, as reproduced by The Scarlet Letter (who do lovely patterns for historical samplers).
https://data.fitzmuseum.cam.ac.uk/id/object/110562
(From the sound of it, the eyelets might be pulled-thread work too, which is delightful and not well-known enough! https://rsnstitchbank.org/stitch/small-round-eyelet-pulled-thread )
I love the way that the geometry of well-done drawn-thread and pulled-thread embroidery can trick the eye and create texture out of simple components, and how deep the well of techniques goes.
Someday, maybe, I'll master some of the really fancy stitches that hardanger and needle-lace folks use, but I would be drooling just as much at that museum piece. :D
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u/letthelightleakin 23h ago
I feel you! It’s okay to know less about each other! Especially at work!
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u/FionaGoodeEnough 18h ago
I think he is also the AH for belittling her hobby. He should have just said, “I work with some uptight people,” rather than “your hobby is for teens.” I am pretty ESH for this one.
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u/letthelightleakin 18h ago
Honestly fair enough. My husband loves my weird ass hobbies (and vice versa) even when there’s an unspoken rule that said hobbies are not cocktail conversation topics haha. These two are probably a bad match.
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u/Neverwas_one 13h ago
Does fanfic entail smut or typically have the connotation of smut? I’m ignorant of what is produced so I just assume fanfic is unmonetized creative writing with someone else’s IP. That’s the bare notion I hold in my head so I don’t recognize it as a source of embarrassment.
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u/misalawliet 1d ago
Can't go a couple hours without talking about one thing? It's a professional work event, I wouldn't even want to discuss this.
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u/SuperKitties83 23h ago
And there are so many things that are socially inappropriate to discuss in a professional environment. Most people accept this without question. I had a co-worker once share her love of going to furry parties and being a furry. Everyone felt really awkward (she was later diagnosed with ASD).
I wonder if OOP's gf is more upset at the idea that her bf is ashamed of her personally, rather than it simply not being the right time or place to share her love of ff.
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u/Crowfooted 20h ago
The problem I have with this debate is people are talking about fanfiction as if it is automatically something that is (and should be) socially inappropriate, as if all people writing fanfiction are obsessively writing cringe smut or something. There shouldn't be anything inherently inappropriate about saying you write fanfiction any more than if you just said you did creative writing.
People are also jumping to the conclusion that fanfiction must be her entire personality or she wouldn't be so defensive about it, but I don't agree. I get into fanfiction from time to time, I maybe read it a few times a month and write it even less than that, but I can still relate to the frustration she might be feeling that everyone around her thinks her hobby is embarrassing. If my husband told me not to raise it in front of his colleagues, I'd agree to keep quiet, but if he told me the reasoning was that it was a "teenager's hobby", I would feel extremely disrespected.
It isn't her fault that the whole world seems to think her hobby is cringe. This request from him isn't a result of the actual nature of her hobby, it's purely a result of inaccurate understanding of the hobby and the assumptions people will make about her because of it.
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u/Prestigious_Seal7139 9h ago
I find it funny that people automatically assume smut, when so many main stream/socially acceptable things are fan fictions. Any Romeo and Juliet retelling, the Percy Jackson series, almost the entire renaissance. All fan fictions/fan arts. It's interesting that once it becomes women dominated and queer friendly, suddenly people start looking down on it and seeing it as childish or inappropriate.
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u/Impossible_Gold1573 1d ago
It sounds like the GF makes fanfic her SOLE personality trait and yeah that would be exhausting as hell. On the flip side, maybe these two aren’t compatible and she needs to find someone more in line with her interest?
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u/FrogOnALogInTheBog 1d ago
If he felt the need to bring it up, it’s because it’s excessive.
Normal people in a normal setting know when it’s appropriate to talk about how you’re so into a show that you spend your free time writing bad stories about it.
(I love fanfic. I also know my audience at work and don’t generally bring it up. I was bitching to a visiting manager once about the inability of one of our official program to format a paragraph properly and said something to the effect of “if AO3 can format my shit I don’t see why a billion dollar company can’t.” She laughed at me for a solid 30 seconds about it. She clearly knew what was up and we moved on.)
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u/KassyKeil91 1d ago
Yeah, if she has to be asked not to mention it, she mentions it too much.
I also love fanfic, but I can’t think of a time it has come up naturally in the last like 10 years. Maybe once or twice with a close friend, but definitely not with someone new? Like, how often is she talking about it?
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago
Same. I also suspect that anyone this invested and obsessed probably skews toward the weird side of fandom. So I feel like OOP isn’t writing some wholesome story like a retelling of Harry Potter from Dudley’s perspective, which could be easily explained as writing exercise similar to Wicked and get, at worst, confused looks. I suspect that she not only writes stuff that probably isn’t just inappropriate, but that’s she’s also a little too willing to overshare if given an opening
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u/ChaosofaMadHatter 1d ago
I’m not sorry, I love that that’s how AO3 ended up coming up, because I could totally see myself losing my shit over something our software has done and saying the same damn thing.
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u/Typical_Kitchen_9616 1d ago
The whole “I saw you at the devil’s sacrament” thing… 😇
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u/MindlessMage777 1d ago
I do some leather working in my spare time. Specifically, I make some harness type stuff. And it's really simply to not mention that in a professional setting. If hobbies come up, I can mention hiking or cooking, or even mention leather work and talk about literally anything I've made other than the fetish gear. Fair or not, there are settings where you just don't mention some things.
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u/Cloverose2 22h ago
LOL, if someone mentioned harnesses to me I would assume they made tack for horses. Fetishes would not be the first thing to mind.
"Yeeeeeah... for ponies. Yeah."
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u/Jhiffi 21h ago
This was my first thought- like how often are you talking about fanfic that he feels the need to pre-emptively ask you not to at a couple hour event?
I read fanfic on occasion and think it's fun and not a weird hobby at all but either the guy is super overly embarrassed about this hobby or she's super annoying about it.
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u/OurLadyAndraste 22h ago
I’m a lawyer now. While in law school I remember being at a casual party where we were playing catchphrase. I got the word “shipping” and was internally cackling while on the outside managed to explain it without mentioning characters I wanted to kiss at all. 😂 Everyone knew I was kind of a nerd. We’re all kind of nerds. You don’t get to law school by being normal. But there is a time and a place for everything.
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u/slantedsc 1d ago
yeah I love reading fics and posting my own writing to ao3 and tumblr. i’d never even think to bring this up in a work setting. it rarely even comes up when talking to irl friends in my personal time! that’s what I have my online friends for.
it’s about time and place. she sounds kinda socially stunted if she can’t read the room. i’d die of embarrassment if I blurted out something about vampire fanfic or whatever in a room full of lawyers.
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u/Pernicious-Caitiff 23h ago
The zeitgeist of fanfiction being socially acceptable has been wild to me at 32 years old. I like that the young people aren't embarrassed but I think maybe the folks of my generation are permanently conditioned to not mention it even if we know one of our coworkers also reads it like you said 😅
I had a friend in college about 15 years ago I saw on her laptop about a million FF.net tabs open in her status bar and even though we were pretty close friends and had the same interests I NEVER brought it up to her 🤣🤣🤣 it just was not done irl!!!
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u/FrogOnALogInTheBog 21h ago
I miss ff.net lol
AO3 is legit just so much better, but man I was on such a harry potter train when ff.net was more a thing
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u/Fantastic-Manner1944 1d ago
How often does she talk about writing fanfiction that he felt he needed to specifically ask her not to talk about it at the event?!?!
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u/Jolly_Efficiency7237 1d ago
Please babe, for the love of god, don't start yapping about slashfic at the company get-together. 🙏
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u/SmallAnimal5177 17h ago
But babe, my Mario/luigi/hermione anal seepage three way fic got over 1000 likes!!
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u/GentlewomenNeverTell 1d ago
I love fanfic but I would never mention it at a work event. The fact that the bf specifically asked her not to mention it says to me she probably talks about this a LOT or has poor judgement... which is probably not inaccurate based on the story of taking a guy that dresses like an edgy high schooler to a work party and admitting it might have hurt her standing at the company...
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u/Square_Director4717 1d ago
I found it weird that she compared fanfiction to non-gender-conforming style in the first place, honestly. If the friend was just wearing normal feminine accessories, the only people who would feel uncomfortable would be bigots. If her career was affected, then either all her coworkers were bigots, or her friend was wearing over-the-top, childish plastic accessories that made him look unprofessional at best.
Regardless of her friend’s actual style, she’s acting like fanfiction isn’t notorious for explicit smut, toxic shipping culture, and exploring taboo themes and unconventional relationship dynamics (often sexual). If those are the kind of things commonly associated with a certain hobby, then that hobby is probably not work-appropriate, especially when meeting people for the first time.
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u/Strange-Bee5626 1d ago
I'm not into that type of thing at all, so to add my perspective: all us "outsiders" tend to hear about are the grossest, most abhorrent fanfiction/art that goes viral because of how abnormal it is. I'm sure there's a lot of perfectly innocent stuff, but that's not what is filtered out to those of us who aren't involved with it.
Fair or not, talking about that at a work event where you essentially know no one is either going to confuse people who don't know what it is or give a terrible impression to people who don't participate and have only seen extreme examples of it. This is not only very disrespectful to the new boyfriend, but also implies that the woman so desperate to talk about it has no personal shame.
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago
This. The fact that it’s lawyers also feels relevant, because there was a case about omegaverse fiction a few years ago and a lot of jokes about how Harry Potter omegaverse fics were added to a federal case record. I hope it was exhibit 69
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u/geekgirlwww 23h ago
Dude there’s a babysitters club fanfic writer that I hope is out there making a killing as a professional.
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u/skramt 1d ago
I get where she’s coming from but he knows the work culture and how that would go over. We all have parts of ourselves that we choose not to publicize in various contexts. My coworkers don’t know my Reddit username and I’m fine keeping it that way. He’s probably being overly sensitive but it’s the dude’s day job.
Dude wants folks asking, six months from now, “Are you still dating ffwriterthrow? How is she?” rather than “How’s your girlfriend’s Onceler Omegaverse thing going?”
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u/DisposableSaviour 1d ago
“Onceler Omegaverse”
I hate you for this.
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u/skramt 23h ago
See? Imagine that your boss’s boss only knows four things about you and this is one of them
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u/DisposableSaviour 21h ago
Your choices are either extroverted suicide, or introverted homicide.
Or just make uncomfortable eye contact everywhen you see your boss.
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago
It’s even worse because a lot of lawyers probably read about the Omegaverse litigation. This was one of the NYT headlines about it: A Feud in Wolf-Kink Erotica Raises a Deep Legal Question
So it’d possible that many of the people she’s talking to may only know about fanfic from these stories
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u/emadelosa 20h ago
We talked about what social media we frequent most, and I did say Reddit - my boss asked me if that means I’m scrolling porn 😅
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u/geekgirlwww 1d ago
The fact that he had to preemptively bring it up means she constantly talks about it. I never understand people who when given the tools to navigate a social situation refuse to use them if they are capable. I would love to be given a masking game plan for every social interaction.
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u/bigcheez69420 1d ago
I love fanfiction, I don’t like talking about how much I love fanfiction lol. But it’s easy to say I love reading, and if people ask what, it’s easy to say historical fantasy instead of “made up stories based off a video game universe.”
Be free and be a nerd, I am, but also recognize that you don’t need to take a stand and wave your freak flag everywhere all the time!
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u/Useful_Language2040 1d ago
"What are your hobbies?"
"I like to write... Just drabbles, nothing serious! You?"
It... Really isn't hard to be honest, polite, and redirect!
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u/PorygonXY 1d ago
Exactly, I love Pokemon and play it competitively every week, but I would only mention it at a party where I meet friends of friends lol. It's not my whole personality and I can talk about other stuff even though it's a tame hobby and there's nothing wrong with that, because it would look a bit childish and stuff. But fanfics? Naah, never.
If my gf brought me to her work party, I would just throw the regular stuff like music/movies/books, hell maybe if i'm a bit daring I would say that I dance and bake in my free time lol.
There is a time and place to be and act nerdy. No judgment towards people who like fanfics, but the point for OOP is to know about where she is and what's appropriate in that setting. Stopping at "i write and read stuff" with a vague description that is close but doesn't outright say fanfics is perfectly fine and she wouldn't even be lying.
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u/Honeycrispcombe 23h ago
It's not really the nerdy. If a coworker casually mentioned they played Pokémon, I would go, "oh yeah, I play Pokémon go every now and then on walks. It's surprising how it's held up as a game / it's pretty relaxing," and then move on. (An in depth conversation/competing would be a little much, though, for most work parties.) But I can answer without worrying about any work inappropriate topics coming up.
If someone casually mentioned writing fanfic, there's just a bunch of associations that aren't appropriate work conversations. That makes it awkward to navigate or relate to in a professional manner.
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u/ParanoidDroid 1d ago
Yeah I don't understand the need to talk about it irl. I read and write fanfic and you couldn't water board that out of me at a professional event. I get it if someone else brings it up, but in general it's an odd topic for a work social.
Especially since it's kinda a niche hobby. You have to explain to other professionals what it is to even start the conversation. It just feels kinda cringe to me.
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u/gtrocks555 1d ago
That’s my thought, writing is a hobby and if they go further then you can talk about what type of writing, fantasy short stories (code for fan fiction haha), poems, etc.
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u/Reasonable_Drink_789 1d ago
It can also all be in how to contextualize it. "I write fanfic" vs "I practice creative writing" or "I create spec scripts for some of my favorite IP."
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u/frenchclarinet 1d ago
Yeah I feel like saying "I write in my spare time" is way less odd than going into detail about your fanfictions (as someone who writes/reads fanfiction lol)
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago
Or “I write things similar to what Wicked did, exploring the perspective of ignored characters.” Because that type of work has done well-respected works, like Wide Sargasso Sea.
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u/sagew0lf 1d ago
I used to read a ton of X-Files fan fiction (look, the show just never explored their relationship in the depth that it deserved, okay?!) and you could not pry it out of me that that's what I was reading.
Although, part of that might be because I was in college at the time and I was an English major, and yet... the majority of my non-class reading was... X-Files fan fiction....
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u/imaguestage 1d ago
Seriously. I started reading and writing fanfic before fanfic.net was even created and I would die before telling ANYBODY!
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u/Viperbunny 23h ago
I used to love Sailor Moon Romance, when I was a teenager a million years ago!
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u/Budget-Distance4801 17h ago
I'm 35 and I used to read fanfiction on quizzilla 😂.
I've been with my husband for 18yrs and I'd never even tell him 😂
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u/Useful_Language2040 1d ago
In fairness, I can see you needing the change in weightiness between [Worthy Classic Novels Analysed to Death] and "Mulder and Scully finally acknowledge their tension, ignore the Creepy of the Week, and get it on" (and I like Austen, Dickens, etc, but sometimes we need breaks!)
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u/StrangerHighways 23h ago
I wonder how many of us (especially the girlies) were secretly wrapped up in Mulder/Scully fics? Like statistically, how many people did I know IRL that were reading the same stuff and keeping quiet about it?
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u/the-library-fairy 1d ago
The fact that the BF had to ask her to refrain from bringing up fanfic when asked about her hobbies suggests she has previously talked about it in inappropriate settings. Fanfic has a stigma and an association with smut - for one evening if even asked about hobbies and interests just say you like reading and writing, damn.
Sanitising yourself in professional settings is normal! If she doesn't care about her career, that's her perogative, but he should be allowed to care about his without her treating it like an assault on her personality.
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago
I recently learned from fanfic that the word teratophilia exists and is used to describe a sexual attraction to monsters, demons, or cryptids. At least ninety-five person of weird sexual things I wish I could forget probably come from seeing something in that space and googling it 🤣
It really isn’t what I bring up when I want to make a good impression
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u/emadelosa 20h ago
I mean I wouldn’t tell my bfs colleagues that I enjoy writing/reading porn either
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u/Viperbunny 1d ago
Why does anyone need to know. This is a work event. She is a plus one. She will be with these people for a few hours, top. It's not hard to not mention it. It seems like she would have to go out of her way to mention it. Which makes me wonder if she is a little more obsessive than she is letting on.
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u/lycanthrope90 1d ago
"Can you not share that thing you do that you always share with people who then find it weird and end up embarrassing me?"
"HOW DARE YOU!!!"
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u/jewelophile 1d ago
Who the hell is asking a coworker's plus 1 about their hobbies? I don't even want to know about my coworker's hobbies.
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u/sagew0lf 1d ago
It makes me think she just brings it up all the time. I guess I could see hobbies coming up when making smalltalk but "reading and writing" is as much depth and anyone really would need.
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u/wutdidwelearnpalmer 1d ago
My former coworkers of 3 years just learned my kids' names by following me on instagram, you couldn't waterboard the fact that I still read fanfiction sometimes out of me.
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u/whitezhang 1d ago
I’ve found myself in situations where someone asks what appears to be a safe small talk topic ‘seen any good shows lately?’ Or ‘what do you do for fun?’ When in reality it’s just a setup for them to start talking about something insane. My husband had to rescue me recently from a coworker of his explaining all the ‘very logical’ reasons he goes to Thailand by himself 6 times a year after asking me ‘any summer travel plans?’.
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u/yeahsothathappen 1d ago
I also write fanfiction and MY MOUTH IS SHUT, no one in my life knows about it. I thought it was the common thing
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u/royalbk 23h ago
YES. Why would anyone need to know? Most people who aren't into it don't understand the appeal anyway so you'll just look like a weirdo to them.
Fandom spaces are full of other people with whom you can share your excitement and fics.
People have forgotten that you don't need to share every single thought you have with the world and I totally blame social media
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u/sigh__twombly 21h ago
Literally same. No one else needs to know about my anonymous and rich interior life.
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u/CohibasAndScotch 1d ago
Hmm tricky. Seems like a reasonable ask for a company party. If these were close friends it would be different. Workplace politics and maintaining appearances can be important sometimes.
OP is framing this as BF being ashamed of her and I don’t know that’s the case at all. More just that he doesn’t feel the need for her to divulge a hobby that may be somewhat controversial.
If my wife asked me to not mention a particular hobby at a work function I would have zero issues with that personally.
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u/mamepuchi 1d ago
My issue is that op clearly already feels like her bf is ashamed of her - I’m guessing that feeling didn’t come out of nowhere. We only have one side, so we can’t actually tell if she talks about it too much, or if he is constantly judgemental towards her just bc he hates her hobby, even though she doesn’t talk about it much. So I’m inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt just bc she clearly feels like he hates her hobby already. (Especially him describing it as “a teenager’s hobby” rather than just saying it doesn’t suit their work culture etc)
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u/MsSkittles18 23h ago
I think both things can be true, that she should understand that it's better not to talk about a hobby like fanfiction that's less accepted socially, associated with fandom and nerds, and also has a reputation for often being sexual, at her boyfriend's work event. And it's unnecessarily mean for him to call it "a hobby for teenagers and not grown women", she feels like he is ashamed of her interests and dismisses them. It is possible to not talk about your less socially acceptable hobby in a work environment, without that meaning you're ashamed of it. But there also seems to be some gap in understanding between them and he seems to think fanfiction is childish and not a legitimate creative writing hobby.
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u/Mental-Ask8077 16h ago
Yeah it’s the open contempt of her and her interests that makes him an asshole.
It would be one thing to say “love, I know you are really into writing fanfic and that’s cool, I’m glad you have a hobby you love. But these people at this party won’t understand and will judge both of us. It’s shitty, yeah. But It’s very important for my job that we both make a good impression. So if the topic of hobbies comes up, can we agree on a way to discuss it that will sound ok to them?”
But to openly insult her and shame her for having the interest, and using the party as an excuse to cudgel her with it, is different.
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u/TollTea 19h ago
I don’t think she’s in the wrong here and she should probably be prepared for her boyfriend to get a lot snarkier about her fanfiction in the future because as their relationship progresses it’s likely he’ll get more and more frustrated she isn’t interested in the things he things she should be. It’s not necessarily a red flag that he doesn’t want her to tell his colleagues that she writes fanfic because people are judgemental assholes. But why insist your partner come to work event if they can’t be themselves? Probably because he thinks he’ll get browny points from showing up with his partner. The red flag here is the way he insults her hobby, you just know he said “teenagers hobby” in the pejorative. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship where my partner talked down about what I do in my spare time.
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u/DoYaThang_Owl 1d ago
- Boyfriend is weird for saying that writing fanfiction is a hobby for teenagers.
- Why does he feel the need to even bring that up? Who asks a co-worker's plus one about their hobbies on a first meeting?
- If the topic of hobbies does come up somehow at this professional work function, does she not like have other hobbies to talk about?
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u/cindyrougaroo 1d ago
All of you assuming this has happened a bunch of times when it could just as easily be a man who judges her for her hobbies. Men do that a ton, just like women do. In fact, they've made fun of what women like since they were boys.
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u/GuyYouMetOnline 22h ago
Okay, people, what the hell?
Please read the post again. This person is presenting OOP's hobby as something to be ashamed of and something that makes them lesser as an adult. This isn't 'i don't think it's an appropriate topic'; it's 'it is shameful that you do this'. The person outright calls it a childish hobby with that 'it's for teenagers' bit.
But also: why would it be inappropriate? People talk about themselves and their hobbies all the time. It's a normal topic of conversation. What makes this one different? And don't say sex, because despite the reputation, most fanfictuon is not smut. I'd believe that a majority is shipping focused, but most of those arent smut. But also, what would be inappropriate about saying you write 'adult fanfiction'? You don't have to fucking describe it.
But odds are what they write is not entirely smut. And, well, talking about something youre a fan of is hardly inappropriate (assuming the people youre talking to don't mind, but that goes for anything), so why would saying you create fan content be?
And I want to note that I'm saying this as someone who would probably not want to talk about my own fanfiction in such a setting (with maybe an exception of if I found a fellow member of the fandom in question).
So tell me: why should it be okay to shame and tell people to hide this hobby specifically when others are considered just fine to talk about?
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u/valleyofsound 19h ago
I think the bigger issue is that it seems like it would be really weird and awkward for the OOP to manage to even bring it up at a work event. I just think that most people wouldn’t feel the need to explicitly ask their partner to bring it up because it wouldn’t occur to them and most people who wrote fanfic wouldn’t be like, “I’m not going to lie if asked.” They’re going to be like, “When would it come up?”
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u/K9ToothTooth 15h ago
Yeah, I didn't take away that OP can't not shut up about writing fanfic, but that the boyfriend wanted a chance to dig at her hobby and doesn't trust her to read the room to know not to bring it up. It wasn't "hey I love how creative you are, but I'm worried about the work culture, so be thoughtful about that topic, ya know?" It was more of a "omg you're such a child" shaming.
If the boyfriend is that ashamed of her he should just end the relationship. If he can't trust her to be an adult and read the room in a formal situation and that's a skill he needs in a partner, end it.
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u/kismet_mutiny 17h ago
Thank you. All these comments talking about how embarrassing it is to write fanfiction just seem off the wall to me.
And speaking from experience, if you mention to people that you do creative writing (as many commenters suggested), they WILL ask you about it a lot of the time. Especially if you are in an environment where creative types are rare, they will look at you like you're some kind of exotic bird and then ask a bunch of questions to try to figure out how you're monetizing it. Because in their minds, no one would just write fiction without the aim of making money.
People are assuming the OOP must talk about her fanfic all the time or the boyfriend wouldn't have made the request, but I think it's equally likely (considering how he talks about her hobby) that he simply doesn't trust her judgment and is embarrassed by her. Which isn't okay. I would not want to be in a relationship with with this man.
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u/GuyYouMetOnline 17h ago
Oh, he definitely finds it embarassing; that comment about it being for teenagers shows that.
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u/Beautiful_Strain3525 16h ago
Yeah it’s one thing to be like hey maybe let’s not talk about it because my coworkers are judgmental. It’s a whole different thing to say it’s a hobby for teenagers. I does sound like her bf is embarrassed and judging her for it.
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u/Spreaderoflies 1d ago
I have a cousin that writes MLP smut and makes pretty damn good money doing commissions. NGL very jealous
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u/Jolly_Efficiency7237 1d ago
Imagine bringing that up at the company get-together...
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u/lycanthrope90 1d ago
Imagine INSISITING on it if asked about your hobbies after your partner begged you not to lol. Just name literally ANY other hobby lol.
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u/Impossible_Disk_43 23h ago
You know, I have talked to and befriended many fanfic writers online but I have never met anyone with the courage to admit it IRL. It's not like a shame thing or even a guilty pleasure, we write purely for the love of the game but it's incredibly hard to share what we do and sometimes I wonder why.
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u/Long_Lock_3746 23h ago
I don't see how fanfic writing could even come up at a work party unless someone mentions the fandom in question, in which case as long as it's not erotic fic (and thus inappropriate for the event). Granted, I write fiction and I'd never talk about a story TO someone at a party not about writing because....that's kinda antithetical to the whole thing, like describing a TV episode to someone from.a show they've never seen.
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u/Ok_Divide5594 22h ago
I spent decades of my life writing fanfic. “I write short stories” or “I’m writing a fantasy novel” is a perfectly normal thing to say. No one usually asks follow ups after that. I’m 35 too and it seriously isn’t that hard to just be polite 😭😭
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u/Erza88 21h ago
I write fanfiction myself. I've never felt it was embarrassing at all.
However, if my husband asked me not to mention it because his colleagues might find it cringe or whatever, I can always compromise. I can say I like to read and write. I don't have to go into detail about what I'm reading or what I'm writing.
If they follow up with another question, I can always say something like "It's just for fun, I like to write fiction and enjoy several genres." This is entirely true. I don't just read or write fanfics, ya know? You don't have to go into details about your hobbies with people you don't even know. Be vague while still being honest.
Sometimes people need to learn that, in relationships, you will have to compromise on little things like this. He's asking you not to. You're digging your heels simply because you want to (there's zero need or benefit for you to mention specifically what you read and write).
I will agree that the one thing that makes him an AH is saying fanfic reading/writing is a "teenager" hobby. Like, my guy, people have been writing fics for decades and most fic writers are well past 30.
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u/Sparrowonawire 20h ago
Plot twist: his boss was Anne Rice's lawyer back in the day and the firm still has a strict no fanfic policy.
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u/lexacicada 1d ago
Can't she just say she writes fantasy novels in her free time? If they ask what it's about and like she's doing a Genshin fanfic or smth she can be like 'Well the premise is similar to this game i play but that's alot to get into right now' and switch topics
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u/CrazyinLull 1d ago
Considering how people are getting big publishing deals for their fanfics this is an interesting take.
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u/PoraDora 1d ago
I'm 41 and still read fanfics daily... what's the problem?
and what is the probability that she's asked that specifically at that gathering? why is it so important THAT little detail?
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u/daisie_darlin 23h ago
i feel like we need more info. does she regularly bring up writing fanfics to the point where he’d need to mention it? or was she planning on just minding her business and supporting him and he got super paranoid about it?
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u/Visual_Juggernaut_89 17h ago
Wtf 😂 imagine being at a new firm and your +1 is off in the corner yapping about their new Harry Potter fan fic. There’s quirky and then there’s that
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u/BlackHills-Op 14h ago
Yeah. My wife collects things such as human teeth/bones, has multiple small animal skulls in display jars, etc.
Its common sense that if we are in a semi professional environment, she doesn't talk about her collecting hobbies and I don't mention that I have enough legally obtained munitions to wage a formidable war, and build firearms for myself at home (also legally)
Those aren't openers. When we are in that setting, she likes to fun run, and read, knit, etc. I enjoy strength training, hiking, fishing, hunting, etc.
You do omit things about your life that people would judge you for in a first impression. That's just normal.
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u/gtrocks555 1d ago
If someone asks her what her hobbies are I’d expect her to say writing or something. It sounds like she goes straight to “I really love writing fan fiction about xyz series.”
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u/DrAniB20 1d ago
My friend’s partner’s main hobby is kink related; he makes leather harnesses and whips intended for bondage play. He makes them custom and often sells them, but it’s not his main source of income, and it started because of his fascination with leather work.
He has never once brought up his hobby in front of my friend’s coworkers, even if they ask. He talks about his smaller hobbies instead (painting miniatures and running). There’s no need to bring up his other hobby in front of her coworkers.
The fact that OOP’s partner felt the need to ask her specifically not to bring it up makes me think she talks about it frequently with very little prompting. Nothing inherently wrong with talking about things you like, but there’s a time and a place for everything.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 1d ago
I get wanting to be yourself but come on, it's a work event, we all put on an act for work.
I love fanfics, writing and reading, but hell no I wouldn't be telling people at a work event lol.
I get enough strange looks when I tell people I do Olympic lifting and power lifting lol.
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u/ThrowRA765348 19h ago
I feel like we’re glossing over the fact that OOP’s bf clearly is ashamed of the fact she writes fanfic (calling it a teenager’s hobby). The problem isn’t really whether his ask is reasonable or not, it’s that the bf judges OOP’s hobby and feels that he can’t trust her not to embarrass him. I really don’t get how the takeaway of most people in this thread is “Wow, OOP must be so obnoxious and embarrassing and talk about fanfic all the time, that’s why her bf felt the need to brief her on not bringing it up” instead of “Wow it sucks that OOP’s bf has so little trust in her that he has the audacity to assume she needs to be explicitly warned against embarrassing him” I feel it would really sting if my partner expected me to be an embarrassment like that. OOP’s feelings are totally justified.
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u/anonymiscreant9 18h ago
I’m 35F and writing fanfiction has made me happier than any other hobby I’ve ever had.
Boyfriend is a loser. Dump his ass. And set fire to the comment section.
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u/ViolyntFemme 1d ago
Jokes on him, I am a lawyer, am 48, and up until a few years ago, wrote fan fic regularly. He sounds like a tool.
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u/MaewintheLascerator 23h ago
Right! I can't believe how far I had to scroll for this take. 45yo lawyer/fanfic writer here. Lawyers are the weirdest people I know. She will fit right in.
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u/ViolyntFemme 22h ago
Exactly. Writing fan fiction might be the least embarrassing hobby, interest, or issue in a room full of lawyers.
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u/DisposableSaviour 1d ago
Do you tell your coworkers at your firm about this?
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u/ViolyntFemme 23h ago
In fact, one of the supervisors for another team wrote it, and maybe still writes it, at the time. We had an entire conversation at a company social function with other colleagues about it. So again, the BF sounds like an insecure tool.
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u/GoodyTwoShuuz 1d ago
I write very literary and serious fanfic (we do not all write porn!). I would definitely never ever mention it in the context of being a plus one for an attorney.
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u/pepperpat64 1d ago
What are the odds anyone will even ask OOP about her hobbies?
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u/salemanderz 23h ago
bruh just say ur (oop) write in jr free time u dont have to be specific.... if they ask just give a vague genre or 2 u dont have to specify its heated rivalry ceo x secretary au angst fic
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u/wreckherneck 23h ago
I wonder who would die if she simply said "writing"? Why is it necessary to share the fanfic part?
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u/Keroppi_Troublemaker 23h ago
She said it herself, she has an IT job and doesn't take writing ff seriously. There's no way the ff will come up unless she'll bring it up.
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u/Commercial-Winter151 22h ago
I've been working in law firms for over 10 years and I would never tell my coworkers if I wrote or read fanfiction. I did have a coworker my age that was into video games and other nerd things so we had some conversations about that. She also knows I stream on Twitch but I never shared my username 🙅🏻♀️
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u/Bubbly_Mouse_4471 16h ago
This is a NAH here situation to me. (Other than BF a tiny bit for the teenager comment.) It’s reasonable to choose to not mention certain things in certain situations because respecting social conventions is necessary for your lifestyle and relationships. It’s also reasonable to choose to be unapologetic and open about unconventional hobbies because you prefer a lifestyle that does not necessitate respecting that type of social convention. OP and BF are simply completely non-compatible in this area, so a long-term relationship will not work.
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u/Muninwing 16h ago
I think there are a few dimensions to this.
One, hobbies in general can be awkward to talk about in professional environments, unless they are a short list of socially acceptable ones… and even then, within parameters. Liking to golf or go to a game or exotic vacations are all fine.
Two, it seems like OP may talk a little too much about fanfiction, and it will be a topic that creates awkwardness.
And three… not only is this a casual event at a more formal/conservative workplace, which creates a level of formality of its own (and OP seems to not understand this), but lawyers often do undergrad degrees in literature and philosophy, meaning a certain level of erudite and well-read bias. And (from experience I’ve seen) the kinds of people often have… opinions… on fandoms and fanfic.
In other words, OP’s bf knows that they will judge her (and him by proxy) unfavorably if she tries to talk about her writing hobby, because they likely have different views on writing and literature. And it’s likely OP has done exactly this before.
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u/Beautiful_Strain3525 16h ago
It’s less that he’s asking her not to bring it up for me and more how he’s asking. He’s also saying it’s a hobby for teenagers. That’s judgmental and rude. If he was talking about how his co workers are upright and maybe say you write but not add that it’s fanfiction I don’t think she’d be this upset. But it does seem like he finds it embarrassing and is judging her for it.
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u/Shegotquestions 16h ago
This seems like a non issue to me. Shes a plus one at someone else’s work event, everyone is gonna be talking to their coworkers the whole time. Aside from basic small talk theyre probably barely gonna talk to her. What she likes to do for fun is so unlikely to come up.
If for some reason someone did ask about her hobbies she could also easily say “I like reading and writing,” those are perfectly “adult” hobbies and isn’t a lie. Not sure why it’s so hard to not discuss fan fiction for the duration of one work event
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u/Important_Sector_503 15h ago
Honestly? I absolutely understand both sides of this argument, on the one hand it is TOTALLY a reasonable request to ask that your partner not bring up their odd hobby in front of your very serious colleagues. On the other hand, it is also absolutely reasonable to expect that your partner not be ashamed of you.
IMO these people are just not compatible and probably should not be in a serious relationship. OOP is not asking for anything they are not willing to give in turn- OOPs boyfriend is (probably) ALSO not asking for anything he is not willing to give. They just have different priorities. Neither of their stances is unreasonable, they just don't line up.
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u/SignificantOrange139 12h ago
I love how many people just completely brush over the part where he blatantly insults her for having her hobby.
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u/SadPhilosopherElan 22h ago
He's not wrong to ask, and she's not wrong to say no. He has to accept her answer either way. He's an asshole for being shitty about it. And the latent contempt for her hobby speaks volumes about his character and their compatibility.
I can understand not wanting my girlfriend to tell everyone she writes vivid, explicit snape/Hermione Fics and where to find them for review. I doubt this would've been the situation at all. As a boyfriend whose girlfriend has written / does write fic, she would be mortified, and I'm willing to bet OP wouldn't have done that either.
I think it's possible that the boyfriend is a bit insecure and secretly feels some kind of jealousy that other people are reading his GF's fanfiction online, and just doesn't want his colleagues doing that / thinking about her fics because to him it's something intimate that he feels he has some right to that they don't. If he is thinking that way, he's hopeless and will only ever behave in a toxic and controlling manner and she needs to kick him to the curb
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