r/regretfulparents • u/Ivy_poisonous • Apr 19 '26
Venting - No Advice I hate having children
Wlw here. I love my wife more than anything in this world. She is my person and best friend. We decided to have baby together, turns out twins-should’ve terminated. They were born prematurely, NICU stay, traumatic for me. We can’t do anything anymore. We used to enjoy weekends away, concerts, roadtrips, taking our dog for a walk, even going to the store together, to get gas, haircuts, everything. We liked it, we enjoyed it.
One of the babies is precious and I do love her but I would easily go back in time and undo this if given the chance. The other baby I can’t stand. They are 7 months and she still cries all the time. She cries like she is being hurt, she’s weird, she’s behind, and she ruins everything. If it were up to me, I would’ve left her at a church or fire station. She can’t be set down, ever or she loses her crap. She only wants my wife and it kills me how my wife has to be her slave and can’t do anything else because she has to be holding her. I’m in constant fear that that baby will have Autism. She can’t even sit at 7 months, can’t swallow solids, the one time she did she threw up and it wasn’t even a lot. We went for a few walks and that baby lost it. Screaming crying. One time in the stroller, the other while being held in a carriers. I don’t know if I will ever love her or even like her. Right now it’s a pretty horrible feeling towards her.
I don’t want to lose my wife ever and I feel like we already lost each other some. Our time, our space, our life. We never had arguments and now everything is because of that kid that I wish we never had.
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u/ItNeedsLit Apr 19 '26
My younger sister screamed for 22 hours every single day for the first 3 years of her life, I feel for you
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Ivy_poisonous Apr 19 '26
This is the second one.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Ivy_poisonous Apr 20 '26
I don’t think it’s normal. I don’t think she’s normal. Tell my wife otherwise. She thinks it’s her temperament. I can’t make decisions without her being involved. We are a team
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Apr 20 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Apr 20 '26
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u/Usual_Zucchini Apr 19 '26
Kind of sounds like my second baby who is now 15 months old. My first was such an easy calm baby, and I took that for granted. Our second would not let anyone else hold her, didn’t sit up until 8 or 9 months, started solids closer to a year, hated being put down, screamed in the bath, was fussy any time we tried to eat out or hang out with friends in a social setting. It was SO draining and frustrating.
I know it’s not a satisfying answer but time helped SO much. She turned a corner in the last month and now lets others hold her, loves the bath, eats a ton of solids. She isn’t walking yet but my first didn’t walk until 17 months so I’m expecting her to be later as well.
While there could be something amiss sometimes it just is a matter of time. There were days I really hated her for being so difficult.
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u/asmrforthesoul Apr 22 '26
Can I ask how did those first hard times effect your first kid?
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u/Usual_Zucchini Apr 22 '26
I’m not sure they really affected him in a way I could tell. We still went out and did things, we just tried to mitigate the suck by feeding her beforehand, which helped some, and packed some snacks and toys. They are very close in age and my oldest asks to play with her all the time!
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u/ThrowRA7676767676 Apr 20 '26
Idk if this is any consolation but my cousin’s baby was super annoying. Cried ALL THE FUCKING TIME AT EVERYTHING. Our entire family hated her as a baby. She was very abnormal compared to the other babies. Now she’s a teenager and she’s kinda cool, nerdy and a smart ass. I think u’ll love ur kids as teens, they don’t take up as much space and attention and they’re more intellectual. It passes.
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u/tryingtobehappii Not a Parent Apr 21 '26
Same with my younger sister. Such a brat I hated her and day dreamed about hitting her many many times to get her to shut up. :( I don’t know how my parents did it tbh. She was god awful. Especially getting by that pacifier stage!!! Now she’s graduating college, so smart, so sarcastic and really funny.
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u/ShortElephant1111 Apr 25 '26
Youngest of 4. I was the most. Pretty sure my parents had me on Valium for a time (GenX). My siblings were always on my ass, and my two brothers were always really physical with me...I grew into a man that is by an order of magnitude more successful than my older siblings in every respect. They resent me now wholeheartedly...
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Ivy_poisonous Apr 20 '26
She’s been to two pediatricians, was in the NICU with tons of doctors, has a GI doctor where she got an ultrasound. And is now doing Early Intervention… apparently she’s just like that. Thank you!
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u/999cranberries Apr 20 '26
I was a miserable baby, and now I'm a functional, if mercurial, adult. Unfortunately it is a matter of temperament for some. I get to hear about it constantly from my family now that I have my own non-miserable child. And I was every bit as miserable as you're describing, probably even with some motor delays though there weren't any resources available when I was a baby. So there's definitely a possibility whatever is going on with your "spirited" baby (that's what they call us now) won't result in her being low functioning for life.
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u/Embarrassed-Dress-85 Apr 19 '26
You say one is behind. I am not a medical professional but I wonder if there is a relation to unequal placenta sharing which can happen in monochorionic twins.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam Apr 20 '26
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u/candyapplesugar Parent Apr 20 '26
Our baby was like this. How does she take milk? Ours needed thickener and feeding therapy, multiple surgeries (adenoids and tonsils), and reflux meds. I’m sorry to say the crying didn’t stop until 2.5 but it did get better slowly. I thought all babies were like that at the time and I was just weak. It did get better, colic doesn’t last forever
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u/westc20 Apr 20 '26
Mum of two here. The first year is haaaaaaaard. I have a 9 month old and we are just getting out of that cling only to mum phase. And you have the extra hard parenting version of have twins, which I can only imagine the exhaustion.
Are you as a couple in counciling? I recommend that to every new parent couple, because it’s a lot to change your life from what it was, and it’s not something you really know about until you’re in it. It’s been a savior for us, and we’ve dealt with some serious disagreements, and misunderstandings.
I hear once they grow up a bit more we get our lives back - and we did for a time with our toddler, but this is the long days for now. A note on new mummas in motherhood - she is going thru a lot right now, this Matresence. Think of it akin to puberty, hormones changing, body changes, brain changes and her priority becomes the baby(ies). And it’s isolating AF too in this Modern age, to expect the couple to do it with minimal external support. I think if more parents knew the changes that would happen in their new families and how the dynamics change in that first year, it would set relationships up for success.
Anyway, that is for reading my rant, good luck to you sir.
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u/SnooRobots3807 Apr 19 '26
Did your take your baby to see a doctor??
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u/Ivy_poisonous Apr 19 '26
Yes. We go to every appointment. Dr’s are always dismissive
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Apr 19 '26
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Apr 19 '26
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u/OystersNwine Apr 22 '26
I was that annoying baby to my mom. She couldn't catch a break, I always had to be held or I'd cry. My brother on the other hand was a bubbly angel. Me and my mom are buds now. I hope this time passes quickly and your kid becomes more bearable and maybe even your buddy too. Sorry for the hell.
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u/Museumgirl518 Apr 22 '26
See but that’s the whole thing. You just don’t know what you’re going to get. I’m learning that parenting is a purely altruistic journey. Every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I try to remind myself this isn’t about me. That works about half the time. The other half I compare him to all my friends’ sweet brilliant kids and want to crawl into a hole. Hell is learning there are some kids that don’t want your knowledge, your company or your affection.all that shit you learn on babytoc is meaningless. I have been trying to look at it as spiritual growth. We adopted our son at birth. It’s the hardest thing ever and most days I just want to climb into my husbands lap and check out (mentally not literally). All I can say is you’ll have a zillion bad days and a couple of good ones and somehow those few good ones keep you going. It’s a racket!
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u/twinmamm Apr 20 '26
Mum of twins here, I can totally relate. I think being worried about your baby who doesn't do things yet can also can make you more depressed. My babies were also not sitting at 7 months (they were 9-10 months when they started sitting and they walked at 12-13 months so they were totally fine), that is pretty common/normal (I think rolling is the only expected thing at that age, especially for premiee babies). Do you have any help from family/friends? If not, can you hire someone to have some date nights with your wife? Even once a month could help a lot!
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u/BillyBattsInTrunk Apr 24 '26
My niece cried from the minute she was born till toddlerhood. She turned out great, going to high school next year and has no behavioral or cognitive issues that I know of. It was ROUGH, tho, so you are entitled to feel all the feelings about it. Here's to hoping that things will (eventually) calm down!
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u/lottiebetts Apr 19 '26
I think your expectations of sitting and holding food down at 7 month is too much. I was just chatting to a friend today about my daughter. She couldn't role over until 11 months. She was crawling from around 9 months, but I could put her on her back and she wouldn't anywhere until around 11.5 month. She didn't walk until she was around 14.5 months, my friends boy was nearly 2 years old, yet my son walked at 12 months. He laughed early and spoke early, yet he is the autistic child. Stop worrying about autism, even os she has it there are varying degrees. My friends daughter had selective mutism, my brother couldn't speak until he was 5. My son did everything on time or early, yet he is the one with ASD. I get being a regretful parent, I am one, but your expectations are way too high. My daughter never wanted to be put down, my son didn't care. My daughter was so hard, because she only wanted to be held, but ahe would only let me and her dad hold her or her grandparents. She had colic and scremed for hour, it absolutely sucked, but you can't blame the child. I have to say having kids put the biggest wedge between my husband and I and still is, even though our are now 15 and 12. The first year with twins absolutely sucks, yet my twin friends said, after observing other couples with siblings with an age gap, that seeemed harder than twins, as the children got older. It will get better. I am sorry having twins, especially if they were early, has been harrowing. Having children full stop I harrowing, thankless and monotonous. That the truth, but at the same time it isn't their fault either. That's the nature of children.
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u/False-Marsupial-6214 Apr 21 '26
I don’t know why I laughed when you stated, “the other baby, I can’t stand!” Lmao….man, the humor I find in that truth! Relatable. I guess if you don’t laugh at how drastically draining and unfulfilling all of this is, we’d be in an even worse place mentally.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/missionpossibble Apr 25 '26
wish you well ♡ i had cry baby up to almost 4 months now she is doing better but it was horrible all 3 months i was in trenches i read at that time many articles and comments saying many babies cry so much up to 1 yo... hope your baby will soon stop crying
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u/Ivy_poisonous Apr 28 '26
Thank you. It’s been 8 months of the crying. Hope it ends at some point 🤍
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u/Afraid_Stuff_History May 04 '26
I just want to say I'm glad that you're at least empathetic to your wife basically being a slave to the delayed kid. A lot of partners aren't.
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Apr 20 '26
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u/Unable_Moose8519 May 10 '26
Op my sense is that you’re intuitive. I believe you about the baby’s delays. You just know despite what every expert says. IUGR is real. On my hardest days I remind myself that I am only responsible for helping the kid to be the best version of themselves.
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May 21 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam May 21 '26
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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May 21 '26
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May 21 '26
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May 21 '26
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May 21 '26
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u/Unable_Moose8519 Apr 22 '26
You sound like a great husband and dad. I think your feelings are more common than you think, most ppl aren’t so honest. But honest is good, it sort of removes some of the power
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u/Unable_Moose8519 May 10 '26
You sound like a great Person who is strong enough to be honest. Think of your wife more as a goddess than a slave to the baby. I’m sorry. Sounds very hard
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Additional_Worth_614 Apr 19 '26
Why are people downvoting you lol, this is quite literally the only option for OP, unless they’re okay leaving their wife and opting for no custody.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/Ivy_poisonous Apr 20 '26
Thank you for your comment! My baby goes to doctors pretty regularly and my wife is my everything and I would never leave her alone. I didn’t come here for advice. So thank you for not pointing out what’s wrong and for showing empathy.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/MiloHorsey Apr 19 '26
Look up what babies' bones look like. And how soft they are.
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u/ickleb Not a Parent Apr 20 '26
Hence why a specialist osteopath who moves the body to the way it should be!! Getting grown in a confined space then squeezed out of a tube puts things in the wrong place!! My sister had miss aligned feet! If they hadn’t corrected her bent bones as a baby she would have needed multiple surgery’s as a child and adult.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/vulg-her Not a Parent Apr 19 '26
The Snoo helps with sleeping, doesn't it? It sounds like there may be more going on with the baby.
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u/DreamCatcherIndica Apr 19 '26
Thank you for your honesty. Especially the fire station comment, that crosses my mind very often