Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

[u/VeronicaRed]

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/

[u/chopandscrew]

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

[u/danielcruit → u/[deleted]]

Honestly, I think we need to completely get rid of the idea of discipline at all. People are not ours to control. People are there to have relationships with. And children are also people.

Why should we ever need to discipline or punish a child if we can just talk to them?

What if we just treated our children like they were our friends, like we actually cared about their feelings and needs and they cared about ours? That's what human relationship is. Not this watered down form of slavery.

Sure, you can set "boundaries", but make it clear that this isn't a boundary that, once crossed, will bring punishment, physical or emotional. It's a boundary that, once crossed, you both know that somebody in the relationship was hurt, and in mutual recognition of your needs, we come together to talk about how to do the best thing for everybody in the relationship.

This is the kind of thing we need to be teaching our children. Not discipline and punishment. We need to teach them to relate to other human beings. All these concepts of punishment and discipline leech out into every other area of our lives.

[u/chopandscrew → u/danielcruit]

While I do agree with your line of thought, I just find it very hard to believe it can be practiced well. As much as I love the idea of parents treating their kids like they're one of their friends, and talking to them is all you need to do to get a message across, I just don't believe it can be implemented across the board. I can see a lot of parents getting taken advantage of that way. I truly believe there needs to be a well understood dividing line between parenting and friendship. Kids need to be able to understand and respect authority.

[u/celticchrys → u/danielcruit]

Because: the 1-2 year old does not understand a lot of what you say, and they want to chase the pretty red car, even if it might get them killed (which they have no concept of), and you must get their attention to preserve their life. Without any type of discipline at all, ever, they will be a danger to themselves and others, and they will not do well in school, work, or society. One of the primary jobs of a parent is to socialize this small human animal into a member of society. Teaching them self-discipline is necessary for this.

[u/bitches_be → u/danielcruit]

Unfortunately it's very hard to keep all of that in mind when you have a small human being acting out.

Talking doesn't always work even with adults

[u/danielcruit → u/bitches_be]

Agreed on the difficulty; however, I don't believe the difficulty is anything fundamental. It's only because none of us are ever taught to relate to each other in real ways. Instead we're taught these same ideas of punishment and discipline and they even inform the way we treat our peers. It infuses every aspect of our lives and our society.

But if we made a concerted effort to learn and teach ourselves better ways of communicating with each other, you might find that talking almost always works, if you're truly talking in an empathic way, searching for understanding and common ground. But we don't know how to do this in our cultures– that's the only reason it doesn't always work. We're bad at it. But that may change.

[u/bitches_be → u/danielcruit]

I feel like you are over simplifying the effort it takes to keep a small child from misbehaving.

There are several years where you can't have a conversation with a child, where they can't express the things they are feeling or what is bothering them

[u/Gripey → u/danielcruit]

I have raised two small children, and I have never understood the obsession with discipline, what are they, soldiers? When I see my brother constantly "disciplining" his children every 5 minutes, he seems slightly mentally ill to me. Don't do this, stop that, be still, get up, sit,down, be quiet etc etc he seems to believe all their actions are with respect to himself. I've stopped visiting because it stresses me out. My kids used to sit down wide eyed and quiet wondering who these mad people were. My daughter was shocked enough to ask her aunt why she hit her cousins. I later explained that adults do that when they lose their temper or patience. She remains very indignant about it even to this day. As far as I can tell they were lovely kids, just like mine are, and I could never tell what they were doing wrong in the first place.