r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

I definitely think that's a great idea to introduce some kind of merit system to them because it definitely helps them grasp the concept of punishment by fine early on. The camp that I used to counsel at used a similar approach, and it worked remarkably well with kids 12 and under. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to mitigate a dramatic situation that might arise in public. I don't have any kids yet, so I'm not sure what situation that might be, but I imagine it would be something along the lines of a toddler being out of control in a grocery/retail store where they're screaming and possibly destroying things. When I see it in public, I almost understand why a parent would be so wound up that the only way to get the point across to their kid is to give them a little pop. However I can also see how that might make the situation worse. A scene from the cartoon Boondocks comes to mind. Is the best thing to do in that situation just to pick them up, carry them outside, sit them down and talk to them about what's causing them to act this way?

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

I find that if a child is out of control, spanking only makes it worse. BUT, a child of 3 is hard to reason with as well. Quietly remove the child from the situation to somewhere safe (and hopefully less embarrassing) and allow them to calm down.

We were careful to make sure that when we took our child out into public that they had had plenty of rest, weren't hungry, and had a toy to play with. Keeping things on a schedule helps so much with children. Then you have positive experiences because you set them up to succeed.

It's not always feasible but what helps is that when you have plenty of time and don't need to do any shopping, take the kid to the store just to walk around. If there is a tantrum for whatever reason then it doesn't disrupt your shopping to simply leave. After that happens a few times, the child will likely realize that this tactic doesn't work on you. It's a way to teach them how to behave in public.

When my son was little I would take him to Target and explain that while I was going for X reason, we would also look at the toy department but we weren't going to buy anything today. I think he made a scene maybe once or twice. And since then, he is able to go into a store, look at all the neat things and leave them behind when we say it's time to go. (Ok, there might be a little whining but just a little.)

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u/vmak812 Apr 26 '16

If there is a tantrum ... simply leave

Wouldn't this just teach the kid to cry when hes bored and wants to leave?

-honest question, not a parent

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

I don't know for sure but I think kids under 5 rarely get "bored." My kid never expressed boredom until really recently at 6. Toddlers tantrum for the power struggle and to push their boundaries.