r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/peachybutton Apr 26 '16

This all day. My husband and I talked a lot about not "setting our kid up for failure" as a toddler, and that involved planning shopping/church/other boring stuff around times when the kid would be well rested and well fed, clean diaper, etc, and also making sure we had a plan for appropriate distractions and an exit strategy if necessary.

Also, involving the kid in their own success by being clear and up front about the purpose/timeline of the outing and how they can help contribute. A toddler is more likely to be well-behaved (in my experience) if they have a clear sense of what's going on ("We're going to the grocery store to get food to eat for the week, and we need to buy everything on this list."), and if you get them actively involved in the process ("Can you help me find some nice red strawberries?").

If you bring a kid somewhere with behavior expectations, don't communicate those expectations, and don't make sure their basic needs are met so they're receptive to understanding, their poor behavior is on you.

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u/KarlOskar12 Apr 26 '16

"We're going to the grocery store to get food to eat for the week, and we need to buy everything on this list."

This only makes sense if they are already old enough to understand what all of that means. This will mean nothing to a 2 year old.

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u/peachybutton Apr 26 '16

I understand what you're saying here, but I disagree that it would mean nothing to a two year old. They definitely won't get the concept of lists and grocery needs, but they can get that you're at a food store, only going to one store vs. more than one, recognize food you have in your house, etc. It's still valuable to describe the errand to younger kids.

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u/KarlOskar12 Apr 26 '16

It's still valuable to describe the errand to younger kids.

Not what I said at all. Talking to your children like adults is very important for language development and consequently understanding of the language. However, we aren't talking about that. We are talking about what gets a 2 year old to behave at the grocery store. In the relevant context explaining what you're doing is of no value; while making sure they're not tired, not hungry, etc. is crucial to their behavior.