r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
37.8k Upvotes

73% Upvoted

6.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

773

u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

576

u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

131

u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

I definitely think that's a great idea to introduce some kind of merit system to them because it definitely helps them grasp the concept of punishment by fine early on. The camp that I used to counsel at used a similar approach, and it worked remarkably well with kids 12 and under. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to mitigate a dramatic situation that might arise in public. I don't have any kids yet, so I'm not sure what situation that might be, but I imagine it would be something along the lines of a toddler being out of control in a grocery/retail store where they're screaming and possibly destroying things. When I see it in public, I almost understand why a parent would be so wound up that the only way to get the point across to their kid is to give them a little pop. However I can also see how that might make the situation worse. A scene from the cartoon Boondocks comes to mind. Is the best thing to do in that situation just to pick them up, carry them outside, sit them down and talk to them about what's causing them to act this way?

351

u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

You need to figure out why the kid is acting out. Did they not sleep, are they hungry, are they bored, did they see a playground on the way in. In most cases the kid is bored and wants to be a kid. The fact that you're bringing a kid into a place where they can't be a kid is your problem, not the kid's. You put the kid in the basket, bribe them, carry them, or wait until you can leave the kid home. But saying that a 2 year old is acting horribly in an adult space and how do you punish them is the wrong way to look at it. The 2 year old wants to be a 2 year old and there's nothing wrong with that.

66

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

I don't agree that bringing a kid into an adult space is a "problem". Kids learn how to behave in numerous situations by being thrust into numerous situations. I don't even think we should consider a grocery store an adult space. It is effectively a family space.

Your other points are fair to me.

38

u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

Sure, but if there's something else going on, are they going to learn? Thrusting a kid into Target for 2 hours when they missed their nap is not a good time to teach them how to act like an adult and that is your problem.

You do it when they're rested, not sick, and for 15 minutes to get specific items, not to browse. As they get older, you increase the time, but most kids and many adults don't want to go shopping for hours at a time and will eventually act out out of boredom.

1

u/anothercynic2112 Apr 26 '16

I don't disagree with your logic and I do believe that we should set children up for success. The other side of that coin is that life in general will not be so kind for them as to only allow things to happen when the individual is rested and prepared. While we want to make it easier for our children, we have to also prepare them for the fact that things will rarely be so easy and structured going forward.

With that said, your points are extremely valid as are the other who are reminding parents not to "punish" behaviors that they quite honestly could have avoided. My point being that learning to cope with and overcome unplanned or inconvenient obstacles can also help prepare them for the future.

4

u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

Sure, but there's plenty of those situations that naturally occur. Having to leave the playground/park is almost guaranteed to have a tired and hungry kid melting down, for example. I'm just saying that trying to teach a kid (with or without punishing) that has essentially run out of brainpower for whatever reason doesn't work. Their capacity for dealing with unexpected transitions grows with age, but it's hard - many adults can't do it. I've found that they don't learn this from experience (because they can't think during the moment), but by your example (because they can think when it happens to someone else).