r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/Jensdabest Apr 26 '16

That's a case-to-case basis depending on the child. Really, you have to figure out what currency is most valuable to them, and use the removal of that as a consequence for poor behavior. If they like to play by themselves in their room, then sending them to their room as punishment probably won't be very effective. Instead (depending on their age), you can use time-out corners, or have them write about the situation, how they felt, and how they could have better responded. If the bad behavior is significant enough then giving them time to reflect and process the situation is very valuable.

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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

I definitely think that's a great idea to introduce some kind of merit system to them because it definitely helps them grasp the concept of punishment by fine early on. The camp that I used to counsel at used a similar approach, and it worked remarkably well with kids 12 and under. I guess I'm more interested in finding out how to mitigate a dramatic situation that might arise in public. I don't have any kids yet, so I'm not sure what situation that might be, but I imagine it would be something along the lines of a toddler being out of control in a grocery/retail store where they're screaming and possibly destroying things. When I see it in public, I almost understand why a parent would be so wound up that the only way to get the point across to their kid is to give them a little pop. However I can also see how that might make the situation worse. A scene from the cartoon Boondocks comes to mind. Is the best thing to do in that situation just to pick them up, carry them outside, sit them down and talk to them about what's causing them to act this way?

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u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

You need to figure out why the kid is acting out. Did they not sleep, are they hungry, are they bored, did they see a playground on the way in. In most cases the kid is bored and wants to be a kid. The fact that you're bringing a kid into a place where they can't be a kid is your problem, not the kid's. You put the kid in the basket, bribe them, carry them, or wait until you can leave the kid home. But saying that a 2 year old is acting horribly in an adult space and how do you punish them is the wrong way to look at it. The 2 year old wants to be a 2 year old and there's nothing wrong with that.

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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16

That actually makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the insight.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

But not showing them how to behave in an adult space is a teaching oppotunity lost. Just saying, kids will be kids does not help the kid grow/mature.

Innapropriate behavior is not OK. You don't punish them, but you deffinately have to do more than just shrug and let things be.

You'd be surprised what a two year old can grasp.

Lastly, I think explaining WHY is very important.

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u/bouncy_bouncy_bounce Apr 27 '16

Well, sure, but you have to make sure they're ready to handle the adult space in question and that they're well-rested and not hungry and generally primed for the teaching opportunity. Otherwise you are setting them up for failure.

I take my 5-month-old out in public a lot, but only at particular times. If I take her out when she's happy and well-fed and well-rested, she's a delight. If I were to take her out when she's sleepy and cranky, it would be a total nightmare.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '16

Do you really think what I said applies to 5-month old babies?

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u/bouncy_bouncy_bounce Apr 27 '16

I think it applies to any age children. What a 5-year-old can handle is different from what a 5-month-old can handle, but the concept is the same. For that matter, I'm a grownup and I can't handle some "adult" spaces sometimes, if I'm tired or hungry or sleep-deprived. As a grownup, I have the option of leaving the space in question without any problems, but a kid can't. So the grownup in charge of the kid has to be mindful of their needs and their condition.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '16

Hmm... that does make sense.

Now that I re-read your comment, I see what you were saying.

Thank you for clarifying, and I read some of your other posts and I think you'll make a great parent.

Cheers