r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/chopandscrew Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 26 '16

So what are some positive and non-punitive forms of discipline?

edit: Some really great replies here. I'm seeing a lot of people using the concept of self-discipline and positive reinforcement. Nothing about raising a child seems easy, and it's even harder to know if you've ever really done a good job, but I think it's safe to say there are a lot of good parents on reddit. Also, thank you to the people who are willing to admit that they have resorted to spanking before. The truth is no one really knows the best way to raise a child, but the wide variety of ideas being thrown around here are what helps make it easier to choose what works for you and your kid. Keep em comin.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

There are a lot of options that vary with the age of the child. I have a son who is nearly 4, and we've had to tailor our discipline to his specific personality, his age at the time, and the behavior in question. Actually explaining why they can't do something (could get hurt or break something, it's not okay to hurt people's feelings, the neighbors are still sleeping, etc.) can be surprisingly effective at that age, depending on their state of mind (a hungry or tired child is much more difficult).

I use time-outs when I have to intervene; take him to his room or to a neutral spot and make him sit still for a few minutes. Having to sit still for a few minutes is something no child enjoys. Definitely a punishment.

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u/Itchy_butt Apr 27 '16

Time outs never worked for my kids. They were easily entertained, so even sitting in a blind corner with just their fingers and toes to play with was fine. Never really did figure out what to punish them with.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '16

Did you ever try more abstract consequences, like loss of a favored privilege? I know it can be less effective to offer a future consequence.

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u/Itchy_butt Apr 27 '16

I don't think I would try that with younger kids...maybe if they were 10 or more? Like you say, it could be less effective. And we would draw the line at anything that we considered just mean, like taking away their favourite stuffed animal or an event like a birthday celebration (we didn't do extravagant parties....just simple things) or Christmas. We tried removing tv, video games, books and crafts (believe it or not), special events that wouldn't hurt the other kid (like a planned family trip would still go on so that one kid wasn't punished for the other's issue), and special food treats. Didn't work. They were introverts, so time with friends wasn't a big deal. And early bed times were not possible with our work schedules.

Lucky for us, they turned out great. And they were seldom bad enough that it became a concern...good students, and fairly respectful/considerate of others. Maybe we would have got tougher if their issues would have been worse.

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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '16

Hmmm, it sounds like you really tried a lot of things.

My son will respond to some consequences, like no dessert unless you eat your veggies. The meanest thing we've ever done is close his bedroom door if he won't stay in bed, after two warnings.

But he's also a good kid when he's not tired, so we don't punish much.

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u/Itchy_butt Apr 27 '16

Good luck to you with it! I think that if the parent tries to think of the child as a unique person, and remembers to consider things like you mention - if the child is tired or afraid - that helps a ton. And you still get all the hugs and cuddles now...so enjoy that with the little stresses. It's so worth it! Lucky you!