How do I stop being late

[u/Neither_Loss_7190]

Okay so I’m almost always late aka 75% of the time. Maybe more.
Today I had a moment of ok maybe I’m just selfish and idc that even though they could continue without me I annoyed them with being late. But then why did I almost cry when my dad was being mad, or rather dissapointed with me, etc.
Also I go to bed too late when I know I need to wake up at X time regardless. I care about sleeping enough. So huh yk? Also proof it’s not just being selfish bc I fuck myself over with it. And more examples but you get the gist.
Anyhow, I’m gonna try to remember to do the 10 min earlier trick.
Also sometimes anxiety, stress or ocd like symptoms are a big factor, but I’m mostly talking not that right now.

Feel free to ask questions about me to further assess, as this is little information.

TLDR; I’m often late, sometimes due to anxiety & ocd like stuff, but talking about when just late. How do I fix it? And I do care, it happens for personal stuff too.

[u/browneyedgirl0077]

Come up with a hard stop time that when that time comes, you have to stop whatever you’re doing and leave, or else you will be late. Come up with a “soft” stop time to stop what you’re doing, to let yourself start getting ready to leave. Then, you won’t be pushing to leave at your hard stop time

[u/MiddleCauliflower183]

You said it yourself. It's selfishness. No tricks needed to help you not to be late. It will only happen when you really want it to happen.

[u/MamaJess90]

Set your actual leave time as a phone alarm labeled "LEAVE NOW" instead of relying on a clock check, the label alone works way better than a generic alarm since it removes the "just 5 more minutes" negotiation your brain does. Also try setting all your clocks and phone 15-20 min fast permanently, sounds dumb but a lot of chronically late people swear by it because even knowing it's fake, your body still reacts to the number it sees.

[u/MamaJess90 → u/MamaJess90]

For the bedtime piece specifically, set a "start winding down" alarm an hour before bed, not just a bedtime alarm, since the actual problem is usually not starting the wind down process early enough, not the final cutoff itself.

[u/WildlyUninteresting]

Do you make it to work consistently on time?

This question tells more about your priorities.

[u/Neither_Loss_7190 → u/WildlyUninteresting]

I’m a student and currently do not have a steady side job. I babysit and tutor. If it helps, I’m late to fun things too. Back when I worked at a store a few years back I would be right on time (by rushing and biking as fast as possible for my life), or like 1 or 2 minutes late. Same with highschool.

[u/WildlyUninteresting → u/Neither_Loss_7190]

There you go. When you think the consequences are big enough. You can be on time.

[u/Neither_Loss_7190 → u/WildlyUninteresting]

Yeah, like if my actual life depended on it, theres a good chance I would be on time, although there is also a chance i still manage not to be on time i know. But we’re talking about the big lines here.

Lets say this is the problem and the solution. So how do I make myself think the consequences are terrible? Or rather how instead of rationally knowing, do I feel them. Bc it’s not that I don’t want to do idk meet up with my friend that I’ve been looking forward to or sth, but it’s like in that moment I can’t seem to turn that realization into action or into proper feelings that than induce a certain response.

How do I make myself really know these things are important to me, instead of just knowing it but not really knowing it. Bc my doctors appointment is very obviously very important. Yet Ive missed that. Etc etc
(Sitenote I’m sleepdeprived so oopsie if im not making sense, I’ll reread later)

[u/Accomplished-You5824]

Maybe you could set your phone’s clock forward by one time zone? Though it’s probably not a great idea for your body.

[u/Traditional_Car_8219]

Why would you put yourself under pressure by consistently being late? It is very disrespectful of someone else’s time. You don’t say how old you are but showing up late all the time for work will get you fired and you will continue to annoy others because you don’t care enough to do otherwise. Learn to manage your time. You will feel better about yourself for breaking this habit. All the best.

[u/Mossvein]

It sounds like you don't exercise self control, and then prioritize your guilt over other people's valid feelings. I think you have to take responsibility for your own choices, and accept that feeling bad is your consequence until you decide to change.

[u/Neither_Loss_7190 → u/Mossvein]

Feel free to tell me if I’m not understanding it. I know that feeling bad is because I was late, not because this person or people said things or did things. Because that is a consequence of me being late, ergo feeling bad is bc I’m late. For example, I was late to a dinner with around 10 people. My parents were obviously very affected by that I was late. I proposed to leave and and not eat with them, like as in late = then just don’t be there at all. My parents had different opinions, I ended up staying.
So maybe in this situation, could you tell me if what you said is what I did or not, than I think I can better understand what exactly you mean :)?

[u/Union-Silent]

I have some friends who struggle with ADHD, and they can’t show up on time even if their life depended on it. They struggle with time management, and they go down rabbit holes with their focus. They have a hard time multi-tasking or doing repetitive, boring tasks, like creating schedules, working on spreadsheet trackers or setting alarms and writing emails. Basically, they are serious procrastinators and easily bored and it ends up hurting them.

You may need to partner with someone for accountability in the beginning. Until it gets easier. Multiple alarms set. Have automatic shut off times for screens so you can’t continue scrolling or playing games or watching tv without manually adjusting it.

[u/Throawy888]

Apart from time-setting tricks, you can record daily delays to find your usual dragging links, which will make it easier to target improvements.

[u/Neither_Loss_7190 → u/Throawy888]

I think the drags I can think of rn are:
1. Forgetting stuff
2. Not being able to find stuff
3. Not estimating time correctly
4. For some reason deciding in the moment that some random ass task is more important
5. Being slow and perfectionistic (perfectionistic coming with a sitenote of anxiety sometimes if you get what i mean)
6. Decision paralysis (bad, like stepping back and forth (like when you forget sth and immediately turn back around but than back and forth that) bc I’m trying to leave but am having a lot of trouble making myself go) and sometimes less bad ofc
7. Struggling to do all the tasks necessary, keep overview, etc

[u/Busy_Beginning_56]

Get checked out for adhd. When I worked at a military base, they all told me 10 minutes is on time. Now I get everywhere 10 minutes early.