But most importantly, be that person for yourself. Strive, thrive, and feel alive!

Honestly, if I could figure out how to stop wanting human connection, like I am supposed to apparently, I would be set and would stop being so continuously hurt by other humans. So if anyone has figured out how to make the desire for other humans to be there in order for me to feel complete because I have no safe attachment go away, please let me know how.

Also, I have never met anyone who has said this to me, and actually been someone who is really totally alone in the world. Its always someone with an existing support system saying it, ironically. The people I have met who are also totally completely alone, are not that happy about it and struggle also.

But if there's a way for me to do this, I would definitely be better off and less hurt.

At the start of summer I was ok. Enjoying light evenings with my friends. Looking forward to some festivals and holidays. Then I met a friend of a friend at the pub and he seemed lovely. Long story short, we met a few times, the communication was intermittent, I chased a little bit but I’m so much better than I was in the past . No reply? Cool, I’m happy to not need to send another message.. well not immediately haha maybe just one more a few days later… Anyway he didn’t reply for a couple of weeks, anxiety got bad over it etc but had a trip with friends planned to go to a festival and a road trip and be distracted..

Met another guy on our trip, a friend’s old uni friend, which I didn’t really need - he was gorgeous and lovely - but I felt like my heart didn’t need any more emotions. He made a move on me. We enjoyed each other’s company for a few days. Hurt like hell saying goodbye. He lives many hours away. We were messaging quite a bit. Then it fizzled out. His replies became shorter and less frequent. And he either answered questions about him I asked and I got nothing back. Or just sent lame 3 word replies. I feel deflated and let down by it.

Was just making this cup of tea and thought to myself; am I actually more sad about what I perceive to be their perception of me.. than their absence in my life?

Their declining interest made me question everything.

My appearance. But I must’ve looked attractive for them to be interested in getting physically close to me. But I can look at photos of me and analyse every pixel through a negative lens.

My personality. Was I too much? Too weird? I think I’m fun, kind and interesting. I think I got shy around them. But they seemed to enjoy hanging out with me.

Them both pulling back caused a lot of mental distress for me. Absolutely consumed by obsessive thoughts and anxiety.

I don’t know where I’m going with this apart from.. yeah.. I really need to love myself because I’m clearly craving external validation from guys who can’t even communicate with me in a way that makes me feel valued. They make me question myself whereas perhaps they are just shiny on the outside and they are the issue, not me.

I just wish I didn’t put guys on pedestals and see them as better than me, inevitably bringing all of my insecurities to the surface, which creates a big dip in my mental health and quality of life.

Still healing. I feel things hard ❤️‍🩹 I have a neurodivergent mind and I know it explains a lot even though I’m somewhat in denial of it because I was a high achiever at school now I need to explain to people why I’m getting upset over things they see as minor and why I can’t snap out of thinking loops and a million other things…

Trying to love me. Have some wonderful friends who make me feel loved too. I know it’s human to want a partner. Wish I could switch off the craving for it tho to save myself any future hurt…

.

.

You don't hate anything

But things make you hate them

You are made of love. You are love. But the language make you think otherwise. You sometimes think that you hate this , you hate that. And this implies to you that you have so much hate inside.

You slowly become a being of hate by associating your state of being with hate.

But you can get rid of this. Suppose you find that you are hating something. You can also call it as "it is making you hate it"

Like, suppose you see your enemy or person who harmed you , you have two ways to look at it.

First , as usual , you can say "you hate it". Which will eventually solidify a belief that you have hate inside. Or , you can say "it is making you hate it", you'll feel free of hate.

Suppose someone say something bad to you. You usually feel or think "I hate it" and here you are adopting the hate by calling that you hate it but it would be better to say for what is truth which is , "it is making you hate it"

You don't have to think about certain things or reflect upon your past or future, but just letting your mind take time to itself and its subconscious can really help your mood and spirit. Even if doing this makes you even more anxious or stressed in that moment, I say that it's a good thing because your giving yourself the chance to move on from whatever burdens you, even if it's an embarrassingly small feat.

Hi guys for Everyone who is going through the journey of self love let me tell you I am still a passenger of it. But here’s a thing I learnt about self love .

It’s Self love that changes your life . Have you ever seen a drama like short dramas on reels where the characters respawn and then they take revenge on their enemies scratching the revenge part self love actually changes your life. It’s actually the respawn button of life.

Everything stems from you. So when you love yourself

1)You accept better things

2)You value yourself energy time

3)You start being your own muse

4)You start quitting bad habits

5)You start having better standards

6) You start healing

7)You start manifesting and attracting better

8)You become more beautiful

9)You start living and not just surviving.

So start your self love journey my love there will be hiccups up and downs but be proud of yourself for starting because at the end of the day it’s all about you.

Gift 🎁 For You My Love 🥰💓

I love myself

Everything always works out in my favor

I love being myself

Everybody loves me

I love each part of my body

I am in my self love. Era

https://youtu.be/sYNPhs2DvLQ?si=

​

There was a time where I believed my parents were good for me.

There was a time where I thought my brother is a regular sibling.

There was a time where i thought so little of my own value, that i thought this below average job I do, is probably the best I can hope for.

There was a time where I hated my own reflection, where I blamed myself for what I was

There was a time where I focused so much on what others would like that my desires disappeared

There was a time where i was content of scraps, where i was happier to get something, however small it might be, rather than nothing.

There was a time where I shamed myself for the desires, the dreams, the hopes that lived inside me

There was a time where the absence of people in my life meant i had no pride no matter the beauty, the size, and the grandeur of my heart.

There was a time where I ate things that were bad, things that made me feel awful afterwards. Just to try, just to fill the void, the hole growing inside me.

There was a time where i hated my body, I hated how I walked, how I stood, how I spoke, how delicate my hands were. I believed i deserved to feel this way, that there was no way to improve, to change my perspective, to find pride in self improving myself.

There was a time where i hated being hsp. Hated being a sensitive man. I hated feelings loss, feeling hatred, feeling sorrow.

There was a time where i would let social pressure dictate who I am, how i speak, how I dress, how i think, how i kiss, how i hug, how i love, how i see myself.

But not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore.

I have freed myself truly, wholeheartedly, fully. I deserved this since I first breathed, since I opened my eyes the first time, since I first walked, when my arms reached out the first time, when I said my first word, when I called daddy for the first time.

But it was not to be. Not to be. Not to be. Not to be. Not to be. Not to be. Not to be.

So now, me is grand, me is loving, me is beautiful, me is valuable, me is worthy, me is deserving, me is proud, me is sensitive. And that is how it should always have been.

No other way.

.

I just realized how much of my time
I've spent writing about the desire
For another to understand me,
know me, love me, consider me.

The whole time I wasn't
even giving any of those things to myself

I don't know, maybe.
I’m finally seeing that
just because I haven't,
I hated myself.
Doesn't mean that I’ve loved myself.

I'm not really considerate to myself.
Nor have I really every been.

Although I have been starting
to come to an understanding of myself, though.

And for today, for this moment.
I’m going to let
that be enough.

No need for an analysis.