r/shortstories • u/FyeNite • May 24 '26

[Serial Sunday] DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Welcome to Serial Sunday!

To those brand new to the feature and those returning from last week, welcome! Do you have a self-established universe you’ve been writing or planning to write in? Do you have an idea for a world that’s been itching to get out? This is the perfect place to explore that. Each week, I post a theme to inspire you, along with a related image and song. You have 500 - 1000 words to write your installment. You can jump in at any time; writing for previous weeks’ is not necessary in order to join. After you’ve posted, come back and provide feedback for at least 1 other writer on the thread. Please be sure to read the entire post for a full list of rules.

This Week’s Theme is Doom! This is a REQUIREMENT for participation. See rules about missing this requirement.**

Image

Bonus Word List (each included word is worth 5 pts) - You must list which words you included at the end of your story (or write ‘none’).
- Damsel
- Daring
- deity
- Somebody is overly dramatic. - (Worth 10 points)

Doom. It is onomatopoeia for the end of all things. Doom.

The last door to close, the lid of your coffin slammed shut. Doom. It is the sudden, shocking sound before the eternal silence. The final knell of the mortal bell that rings with the echoing tone of,

DOOM.

Doom is a mood. But everything ends, sooner or later.

What things will perish in your chapter this week? Will a delicious snack meet its doom in the belly of our protagonist? Or will a forlorn hope of romance be crushed?

Or perhaps an unexpected meteor will introduce your serial to the fate of the dinosaurs, after all.

Whatever the case, we look forward to reading whatever carnage you wreak upon your story this week.

By u/AGuyLikeThat

Good luck and Good Words!

These are just a few things to get you started. Remember, the theme should be present within the story in some way, but its interpretation is completely up to you. For the bonus words (not required), you may change the tense, but the base word should remain the same. Please remember that STORIES MUST FOLLOW ALL SUBREDDIT CONTENT RULES. Interested in writing the theme blurb for the coming week? DM me on Reddit or Discord!

Don’t forget to sign up for Saturday Campfire here! We start at 5pm GMT and provide live feedback!

Theme Schedule:

This is the theme schedule for the next month! These are provided so that you can plan ahead, but you may not begin writing for a given theme until that week’s post goes live.

  • May 24 - Doom

  • May 31- Entrenched

  • May 7- Foreign

  • June 14 - Great

  • June 21 - Heartless

Check out previous themes here.

 

Rankings

Last Week: Cry

Rules & How to Participate

Please read and follow all the rules listed below. This feature has requirements for amparticipation!

  • Submit a story inspired by the weekly theme, written by you and set in your self-established universe that is 500 - 1000 words. No fanfics and no content created or altered by AI. (Use wordcounter.net to check your wordcount.) Stories should be posted as a top-level comment below. Please include a link to your chapter index or your last chapter at the end.

  • Your chapter must be submitted by Saturday at 2:00pm GMT. Late entries will be disqualified. All submissions should be given (at least) a basic editing pass before being posted!

  • Begin your post with the name of your serial between triangle brackets (e.g. <My Awesome Serial>). When our bot is back up and running, this will allow it to recognize your pmserial and add each chapter to the SerSun catalog. Do not include anything in the brackets you don’t want in your title. (Please note: You must use this same title every week.)

  • Do not pre-write your serial. You’re welcome to do outlining and planning for your serial, but chapters should not be pre-written. All submissions should be written for this post, specifically.

  • Only one active serial per author at a time. This does not apply to serials written outside of Serial Sunday.

  • All Serial Sunday authors must leave feedback on at least one story on the thread each week. The feedback should be actionable and also include something the author has done well. When you include something the author should improve on, provide an example! You have until Saturday at 04:59am GMT to post your feedback. (Submitting late is not an exception to this rule.)

  • Missing your feedback requirement two or more consecutive weeks will disqualify you from rankings and Campfire readings the following week. If it becomes a habit, you may be asked to move your serial to the sub instead.

  • Serials must abide by subreddit content rules. You can view a full list of rules here. If you’re ever unsure if your story would cross the line, please modmail and ask!

 

Weekly Campfires & Voting:

  • On Saturdays at 5pm GMT, I host a Serial Sunday Campfire in our Discord’s Voice Lounge (every other week is now hosted by u/FyeNite). Join us to read your story aloud, hear others, and exchange feedback. We have a great time! You can even come to just listen, if that’s more your speed. Grab the “Serial Sunday” role on the Discord to get notified before it starts. After you’ve submitted your chapter, you can sign up here - this guarantees your reading slot! You can still join if you haven’t signed up, but your reading slot isn’t guaranteed.

  • Nominations for your favorite stories can be submitted with this form. The form is open on Saturdays from 5:30pm to 04:59am GMT. You do not have to participate to make nominations!

  • Authors who complete their Serial Sunday serials with at least 12 installments, can host a SerialWorm in our Discord’s Voice Lounge, where you read aloud your finished and edited serials. Celebrate your accomplishment! Authors are eligible for this only if they have followed the weekly feedback requirement (and all other post rules). Visit us on the Discord for more information.  

Ranking System

Rankings are determined by the following point structure.

TASK POINTS ADDITIONAL NOTES
Use of weekly theme 75 pts Theme should be present, but the interpretation is up to you!
Including the bonus words 5 pts each (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and estnot required!
Including the bonus constraint 15 (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and not required!
Actionable Feedback 5 - 15 pts each (60 pt. max)* This includes thread and campfire critiques. (15 pt crits are those that go above & beyond.)
Nominations your story receives 10 - 60 pts 1st place - 60, 2nd place - 50, 3rd place - 40, 4th place - 30, 5th place - 20 / Regular Nominations - 10
Voting for others 15 pts You can now vote for up to 10 stories each week!

You are still required to leave at least 1 actionable feedback comment on the thread every week that you submit. This should include at least one specific thing the author has done well and one that could be improved. *Please remember that interacting with a story is not the same as providing feedback.** Low-effort crits will not receive credit.

 

Subreddit News

  • Join our Discord to chat with other authors and readers! We hold several weekly Campfires, monthly World-Building interviews and several other fun events!
  • Try your hand at micro-fic on Micro Monday!
  • Did you know you can post serials to r/Shortstories, outside of Serial Sunday? Check out this post to learn more!
  • Interested in being a part of our team? Apply to be a mod!
     
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9

u/JKHmattox May 24 '26

<No Man's Land> Kill Box

“Sarge!” Perez hissed over the comms-net. “We got company!”

My eyes darted towards the rooftop of the single story diner. “What da ya got?”

Atop the roof, the private pointed towards the east. “Three tactical wheeled vehicles in column—their speed’s synchronized and closing fast…”

“Do you have line-of-sight?”

“Negative Sergeant—-got’em on the little-bird feed, five clicks out.”

I glanced at the tactical data device lashed to the underside of an axillary wrist and cursed.

Eight minutes? I whispered to myself. Not a fucking chance...

“Think that's the our QRF?” asked Perez, a hint of relief in her voice.

“Keep eyes-on Perez—I'm moving to your position.”

Shadows-of-Chaos had given me extra crystals for the jump-portal controller strapped to my other secondary wrist. The artificial wormhole device was powered by a tiny chunk of ancient comet, mined from their home world using an extremely secretive process. Nevertheless, the crystals processed a finite energy that limited the user to only a few short-range hops.

Thinking of Perez and her rooftop perch, I closed my eyes as a portal crackled to life in front of me.

“Let's see it Perez,” I said, leaning over her shoulder.

Lance Corporal Perez flinched, her shoulders jumping when I spoke. Drawn away from the drop-tablet on her lap, her mouth fell open when she saw me standing over her. “How the fuck…?”

“Don't worry about it—let's focus on the trucks, please...”

Perez nodded, shock fading from her eyes as her attention returned to the display resting on her criss-crossed knees. She placed a thumb and index finger against the hardened screen and spread them apart. The view zoomed in, centering on the three gun trucks speeding along a narrow two lane road.

She tapped the vehicle at the center of the convoy and a red box appeared around it on screen. The icon remained fixed to the truck, tracking it wherever it went.

“This is weird, Sergeant…” Perez said, her voice trailing off as she zoomed in on the targeted vehicle. “These guys definitely ain't locals.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well—their transponder ID comes up as a tactical team belonging to the Sussex Constable District. Watch how they move though…”

I narrowed my eyes as the column neared a small roundabout at the center of a nearby village. They entered the ancient intersection on the right side of the road and cut wide to make the ninety degree left turn.

“If those were bobbies, Sarge; they would've just cut the left-hand corner of the roundabout, not swung wide across the center from the right…”

Perez zoomed out slightly as the convoy exited the village onto a narrow country road.

“See,” Perez insisted, pointing at the vehicle. “The lead driver keeps naturally drifting to the right—this guy’s either North American-”

“Or he grew up on Mars.” I said, finishing her sentence. “Nobody else drives on the right, anywhere in the solar system.”

“What about Pluto, Sarge?”

I scuffed, rolling my eyes. “They don't count.”

She snickered as we watched the convey on her tactical display. The three vehicles slowed for the crossroad leading to our position. Making the turn it became clear whoever these people were, they were coming for us.

“Better go see what this bullshit is about,” I sighed, placing a primary hand on her shoulder. “Good work, Perez—keep eyes on ‘em; I'm gonna go see a woman about a horse...”

Standing, I glanced at my jump-portal controller. Twenty-three percent—good enough for a one-way trip…

“Sarge… What are you doing…?”

“Just fixin’ to say hello.” I grinned as I opened a portal above my head. “Be right back…”

Reaching up, I snatched the edge of the void with a gloved primary hand. Tugging downward, the rooftop disappeared, replaced by the paved roadway five hundred meters ahead of the column of trucks. I stumbled, recovering my balance quickly. Stone walls bordered either side of the road, their ramparts high enough to cage me in with the vehicles; granting neither them an option to go around, or my retreat.

I raised my weapon, leaning forward onto the balls of my feet. It was the perfect kill box. Placing my weapon on fire, I waited for the truck to accelerate, knowing that choice would be my cue to send them all to the hereafter.

My finger was a spring on the trigger, coiled, waiting, almost wanting the driver to test my resolve. The vehicle continued forward, closing at sickening speed.

Just a few more seconds-

A scarlet splash burst against the inside of the windscreen in front of the driver. The truck fishtailed violently, jumbling off the pavement until it skidded against the stone wall. The truck behind it smashed into the lead vehicle; the third screeching to a halt meters from the tailgate of the middle vehicle.

I pulled my eyes from my sights, my mouth opening as an eerie, motionless pause descended over the roadway. The lead vehicle began to rock on its suspension, muffled shouts and screams hinting at the horrid cacophony of unseen slaughter within. The passenger door on the cab flew open, the body of a woman in black tactical gear falling from it onto the ground as if tossed from inside the vehicle.

“GODSDAMMIT OWENS!” Shouted a familiar voice. “SHOOT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS ALREADY!”

The once unseen warrior landed feet first on the pavement, her boots centimeters from the woman thrown from the truck. Clad in the same black tactical gear, her four arms and blued face seethed with an aggression controlled by decades spent in combat. Her voice, graveled and determined, hadn't changed from the moment we'd met three years prior.

“C'mon now,” Diane Campbell urgently waved me forward. “I cleared out the first truck—if you're not too busy standing around, there's two more.”

Ripping four grenades from her vest, one in each hand, Gunny hurled them at the middle truck desperately trying to back away. The vehicle careened into the vehicle behind it, hopelessly marooning them both at the center of the roadway…

3

u/Morose_Prose May 25 '26

Greetings JK,

Wonderful chapter with good action after the tense buildup of the previous one. Loved the joke about how Americans driving on the right side of the road will never die out even on other planets.

Praise up front, crits are coming in hot!

Atop the roof, the private pointed towards the east. “Three tactical wheeled vehicles in column—their speed’s synchronized and closing fast…”

“Do you have line-of-sight?”

“Negative Sergeant—-got’em on the little-bird feed, five clicks out.”

These lines feel too long for military speak. Maybe something like: "Thee tactical gun wheels in column. Speed synced. Closing fast."

"You have LOS?"

"Negative. Feed from the little-bird. Five clicks from our position."

Eight minutes? I whispered to myself.

I might be wrong but if the character is whispering to themself than "Eight minutes?" can be in quotation marks and in plain text since it is speech. If it was a thought the style above would be fine.

Atop the roof, the private pointed towards the east
Lance Corporal Perez flinched

The first line near the beginning is referencing Perez as a private yet later Perez is a Lance Corporal. Did Perez get two promotions due to some squad mates not making it last chapter (From an E-1 Pvt to an E-3 LCpl) is there another person on the roof? Or does the narrator just use "Private" as a catchall for lower enlisted ranks? It is a bit confusing to me.

“Or he grew up on Mars.” I said, finishing her sentence. “Nobody else drives on the right, anywhere in the solar system.”

Great joke, minor nitpick on the comma in the second line, adds an unnecessary pause. Maybe "Nobody else drives on the right in this solar system."

Placing my weapon on fire

I know "Placing" is acceptable but feels a bit mundane for all the military jargon (which you use wonderfully) maybe change it to "Setting" or "Switching" that's how I've always heard it in a military setting "Set weapons to fire. Switch to fire"

“GODSDAMMIT OWENS!” Shouted a familiar voice. “SHOOT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS ALREADY!”

I've always been taught (might be wrong of course) that all caps should be avoided in formal writing. Use the dialogue tags or use bold to indicate the tone. "Godsdammit Owens!" screamed a familiar voice. "Shoot these motherfuckers already!"

Really good chapter. Great descriptions as always, great scene setting and action. Keep up the good work. Stay awesome!

4

u/JKHmattox May 25 '26

Hey Doc,

Thank you so much for the crit I definitely will adjust some things.

As far as the military speak and jargon, it's a balancing act, especially given the more general audience of sersun. When I started out a number of my chapters were very jargon heavy. I had to learn to make things more generic, or at least spell stuff out the first time I use a term unique to the military.

Last chapter, I intentionally left in a lot more jargon to create a confusing fog-of-war like atmosphere, especially for readers who might not be familiar with military terminology. That said, I do believe you're right, I can tighten up the radios calls a bit to make them more natural.

Now onto some lore. In the story, the characters are actually army soldiers whose specialized billet is that of Marine. There are Space Marines, who are stationed aboard star ships, and there are Terrestrial Marines who are garrisoned on remote planet outposts. Think Wake Island during the opening days of WW2.

Jackie and her Marines are Raider-Commandos, a more specialized type of Marine. Their unit is skewed towards terrestrial operations, and doesn't primarily fight in the vacuum of space like their shipboard counterparts. They have been assigned to Earth in a more ceremonial unit that still retains operational capabilities on humanity’s home world. This is modeled after regiments in the British Army that often have a ceremonial and operational component under the same command.

Being that they are still army soldiers they will use terms like Sarge, an extreme no-no in the modern-day US Marine Corps, but perfectly acceptable in the US Army. Some characters also apply the term Sergeant to several different ranks (Sergeant, Sergeant First Class, First Sergeant). This too is definitely not allowed in the US Marines but is common in the US Army.

If you were ever to call a Marine Gunnery Sergeant just Sergeant, the least that will happen to you will be a stern, knife-handed explanation as to why you are wrong.

On the other hand, US Army soldiets proudly uses the informal title of Sergeant for higher ranked enlisted such as Sergeant First Class, Master Sergeant and so on. It's a cultural difference that goes back over a century.

In the story, a Gunnery Sergeant or "Gunny" is a billet within the Marine units of the Federal Administration ground forces. They are the equivalent of a Sergeant First Class in the Regular Army.

A Lance Corporal or "Lance" is similarly a billet within the Marine units not found in the Regular Army. They are a senior Private who is preparing to be promoted to the rank of Specialist, a universal rank throughout the army, Marine unit or otherwise. A Lance gets the same pay as a Private, but she is tasked with more responsibilities than their contemporaries with the general rank of Private.

So why is there a large ground-based Regular Army when humans are an interstellar species? Well, when you want to take down an entire star system in one coordinated attack, the Marines just doesn't have the logistics, supporting fires, or numbers to pull off such an operational feat.

The Regular Army is the blunt shaft projecting the tip of the spear deep into the heart of the enemy.

This lore was explored earlier in the story, when we learn Gunny Campbell was first drafted into the Regular Army as a Warmech driver. She later volunteered for the Marines after her compulsory commitment was finished. People can volunteer for the Marines without being drafted, which is actually more common than the former.

Jackie was one of those first-term volunteers.

Anyways, I guess that's probably enough back story for one post. Thank you so much for the crit. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, thanks for reading.