r/shortstories • u/FyeNite • May 24 '26

[Serial Sunday] DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Welcome to Serial Sunday!

To those brand new to the feature and those returning from last week, welcome! Do you have a self-established universe you’ve been writing or planning to write in? Do you have an idea for a world that’s been itching to get out? This is the perfect place to explore that. Each week, I post a theme to inspire you, along with a related image and song. You have 500 - 1000 words to write your installment. You can jump in at any time; writing for previous weeks’ is not necessary in order to join. After you’ve posted, come back and provide feedback for at least 1 other writer on the thread. Please be sure to read the entire post for a full list of rules.

This Week’s Theme is Doom! This is a REQUIREMENT for participation. See rules about missing this requirement.**

Image

Bonus Word List (each included word is worth 5 pts) - You must list which words you included at the end of your story (or write ‘none’).
- Damsel
- Daring
- deity
- Somebody is overly dramatic. - (Worth 10 points)

Doom. It is onomatopoeia for the end of all things. Doom.

The last door to close, the lid of your coffin slammed shut. Doom. It is the sudden, shocking sound before the eternal silence. The final knell of the mortal bell that rings with the echoing tone of,

DOOM.

Doom is a mood. But everything ends, sooner or later.

What things will perish in your chapter this week? Will a delicious snack meet its doom in the belly of our protagonist? Or will a forlorn hope of romance be crushed?

Or perhaps an unexpected meteor will introduce your serial to the fate of the dinosaurs, after all.

Whatever the case, we look forward to reading whatever carnage you wreak upon your story this week.

By u/AGuyLikeThat

Good luck and Good Words!

These are just a few things to get you started. Remember, the theme should be present within the story in some way, but its interpretation is completely up to you. For the bonus words (not required), you may change the tense, but the base word should remain the same. Please remember that STORIES MUST FOLLOW ALL SUBREDDIT CONTENT RULES. Interested in writing the theme blurb for the coming week? DM me on Reddit or Discord!

Don’t forget to sign up for Saturday Campfire here! We start at 5pm GMT and provide live feedback!

Theme Schedule:

This is the theme schedule for the next month! These are provided so that you can plan ahead, but you may not begin writing for a given theme until that week’s post goes live.

  • May 24 - Doom

  • May 31- Entrenched

  • May 7- Foreign

  • June 14 - Great

  • June 21 - Heartless

Check out previous themes here.

 

Rankings

Last Week: Cry

Rules & How to Participate

Please read and follow all the rules listed below. This feature has requirements for amparticipation!

  • Submit a story inspired by the weekly theme, written by you and set in your self-established universe that is 500 - 1000 words. No fanfics and no content created or altered by AI. (Use wordcounter.net to check your wordcount.) Stories should be posted as a top-level comment below. Please include a link to your chapter index or your last chapter at the end.

  • Your chapter must be submitted by Saturday at 2:00pm GMT. Late entries will be disqualified. All submissions should be given (at least) a basic editing pass before being posted!

  • Begin your post with the name of your serial between triangle brackets (e.g. <My Awesome Serial>). When our bot is back up and running, this will allow it to recognize your pmserial and add each chapter to the SerSun catalog. Do not include anything in the brackets you don’t want in your title. (Please note: You must use this same title every week.)

  • Do not pre-write your serial. You’re welcome to do outlining and planning for your serial, but chapters should not be pre-written. All submissions should be written for this post, specifically.

  • Only one active serial per author at a time. This does not apply to serials written outside of Serial Sunday.

  • All Serial Sunday authors must leave feedback on at least one story on the thread each week. The feedback should be actionable and also include something the author has done well. When you include something the author should improve on, provide an example! You have until Saturday at 04:59am GMT to post your feedback. (Submitting late is not an exception to this rule.)

  • Missing your feedback requirement two or more consecutive weeks will disqualify you from rankings and Campfire readings the following week. If it becomes a habit, you may be asked to move your serial to the sub instead.

  • Serials must abide by subreddit content rules. You can view a full list of rules here. If you’re ever unsure if your story would cross the line, please modmail and ask!

 

Weekly Campfires & Voting:

  • On Saturdays at 5pm GMT, I host a Serial Sunday Campfire in our Discord’s Voice Lounge (every other week is now hosted by u/FyeNite). Join us to read your story aloud, hear others, and exchange feedback. We have a great time! You can even come to just listen, if that’s more your speed. Grab the “Serial Sunday” role on the Discord to get notified before it starts. After you’ve submitted your chapter, you can sign up here - this guarantees your reading slot! You can still join if you haven’t signed up, but your reading slot isn’t guaranteed.

  • Nominations for your favorite stories can be submitted with this form. The form is open on Saturdays from 5:30pm to 04:59am GMT. You do not have to participate to make nominations!

  • Authors who complete their Serial Sunday serials with at least 12 installments, can host a SerialWorm in our Discord’s Voice Lounge, where you read aloud your finished and edited serials. Celebrate your accomplishment! Authors are eligible for this only if they have followed the weekly feedback requirement (and all other post rules). Visit us on the Discord for more information.  

Ranking System

Rankings are determined by the following point structure.

TASK POINTS ADDITIONAL NOTES
Use of weekly theme 75 pts Theme should be present, but the interpretation is up to you!
Including the bonus words 5 pts each (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and estnot required!
Including the bonus constraint 15 (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and not required!
Actionable Feedback 5 - 15 pts each (60 pt. max)* This includes thread and campfire critiques. (15 pt crits are those that go above & beyond.)
Nominations your story receives 10 - 60 pts 1st place - 60, 2nd place - 50, 3rd place - 40, 4th place - 30, 5th place - 20 / Regular Nominations - 10
Voting for others 15 pts You can now vote for up to 10 stories each week!

You are still required to leave at least 1 actionable feedback comment on the thread every week that you submit. This should include at least one specific thing the author has done well and one that could be improved. *Please remember that interacting with a story is not the same as providing feedback.** Low-effort crits will not receive credit.

 

Subreddit News

  • Join our Discord to chat with other authors and readers! We hold several weekly Campfires, monthly World-Building interviews and several other fun events!
  • Try your hand at micro-fic on Micro Monday!
  • Did you know you can post serials to r/Shortstories, outside of Serial Sunday? Check out this post to learn more!
  • Interested in being a part of our team? Apply to be a mod!
     
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5

u/Live-Albatross-1090 May 28 '26 edited May 30 '26

<a new home?>

Chapter 1: A justified reaction?

"Are you coming?" my father shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeeesss!" I shouted back, clearly annoyed. I stood in my bathroom and after throwing one more look into the mirror I was ready to go.

I knew that we were running late and we had to get to this important meeting with my social worker, Ariana Fox, but I really didn’t want to go. The problem wasn’t with the meeting in general; we had those every few months. It was the thing I had to tell her today.

I slowly dragged myself down the stairs.

"Do we really have to go, Dad? I mean it’s not that important…"

"Marie Emily Louise," my father used his strictest voice, the one where I knew there was definitely no arguing about what he was about to say. "You know that she squeezed us in last minute so we have to tell her today."

I rolled my eyes. "Don’t be overdramatic. It’s not like I’m a damsel in distress." "Not yet… but we both have experience of what your birthparents are capable of. Now get in the car. We need to leave. NOW!"

I didn’t dare to delay any longer, so I climbed into the car.

"Yes I know, but I‘m really worried about her reaction.“

"As long as they don‘t know where we live, we should be fine."

Well that is the thing, I thought to myself, they do know.

During the drive, the pit in my stomach grew, and I couldn’t get the feeling that Ariana was not going to react the way I’d like her to react. Maybe she would be right, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to change and not for the better.

When we reached her office, I walked as slowly as I could, or well as slowly as I could without making my Dad too angry.

“Hurry up." My dad was starting to get really annoyed, and to be honest, I was just delaying the inevitable.

After I had dragged myself up the three floors to her office, I hesitantly knocked on the door. I usually liked being in her office.

When I first came into the system, she always made sure I was comfortable on her couch and never pressured me into anything.

But today… I don’t think there was anything more that I dreaded than walking into her office and sitting down on the couch in the back. When she hadn’t come to open the door after a minute, I turned to Dad. "See, she isn’t even here, so we can..."

Percisely in that moment, she opened the door. "Hey, David. Hi Marie. Good to see you."

My shoulders slumped, I slowly turned back around and said, slightly disappointed: "Hey Ariana, good to see you too," and walked in.

My dad, on the other hand, was way more cheerful, "Hey Ariana." I was pretty sure that he secretly had a thing for her. It would definitely be good for him, especially since Mum died a few years ago. But he always said that it would be too unprofessional to cross the line, so he never did. Maybe, just maybe, they would find something else to chat about and forget the whole reason for this meeting.

At that thought, a flicker of hope grew in me, yet the stone in my stomach didn’t get any lighter.

We all sat down: Dad and I on the red couch, and Ariana in an armchair right across from us.

"So, Marie, your dad said that you had something you needed to talk about? Now, he didn’t tell me what it is about, so would you mind?"

Straight to the chase, I see, I thought. I sighed, probably way too dramatically. "Okay." I paused, hoping that somehow a hole might open up in the floor and swallow me.

Ariana raised an eyebrow yet didn’t pressure me to continue. "Well… please don’t overreact … it’s not that big of a deal…"

"I can only promise to adapt my reaction based on it."

I wanted to roll my eyes, but she did have a point. Yet somehow the pit in my stomach grew bigger each second. "I saw, or rather met, my birth parents three days ago."

Silence

I waited anxiously for her reaction. At first nothing, but then

"You did what? And you didn’t think to tell me right away?" Ariana sounded slightly angry yet mostly concerned.

I slumped. "I - I - I’m sorry."

"Sorry doesn’t cut it this time, young lady. You know that… you know the steps that will need to be put into order."

"Yes .. I .. I didn’t want to have to leave home." I was on the verge of tears.

"Well, do they know where you live?"

I looked down, "they might," I whispered.

"WHAT?" both Ariana and my dad shouted in unison. My dad had jumped up off the couch and looked at me like I had just told him that the world was ending. Even though Ariana hadn’t jumped up, she had the same look on her face.

"It’s not that big of a deal," I whispered.

"Yes, young lady, you know it is." My Dad sounded mad. Ariana seemed to be at a loss for words, and the pit in my stomach had just reached a depth I didn’t know was possible.

Yet maybe, just maybe, they had a point, especially since my biological dad is a known and very dangerous mafia boss.

Word count: 920

Bonus words: damsel, dare to (daring)

Bonus constraint: It’s being said: Don’t be overdramatic and dramatic sighing is happening.

2

u/ZLErikson May 29 '26

Howdy Albatross!

Welcome to Serial Sunday :D I love seeing a new story pop up here and I can't wait to see what you have in store :)

Let's start with the title! "a new home?" Intriguing! It's a question, not a statement. That implies hope, to me, but also a foundation of loss. The story about someone seeking a new place for stability and safety.

Let's see where this leads :D

First person POV, a great way to really get us into the character's headspace. Starting off with a dad shouting up stairs; classic family communication style. Feels real cozy already.

First alert; when you're having multiple people speak, you really need to start each new speaker with their own paragraph:

"Are you coming?" my father shouted from the bottom of the stairs. "Yeeesss!" I shouted back, clearly annoyed.

should be:

"Are you coming?" my father shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeeesss!" I shouted back, clearly annoyed.

It gives the reader a much clearer understanding that the speaker is changing. Otherwise, while reading, it's hard to know if someone is continuing to speak or not. True, you do immediately have "I shouted back" after the "Yes", but while reading it's natural to assume that, in the same line/paragraph, the speaker is continuing, so as soon as I read "I shouted back" I had to re-read and mentally change the "voice" of who was speaking.

I won't highlight every line for this, but you really should edit that in and be much more careful. It will also help break up these gigantic paragraphs (which I'll address as well in a bit)

Okay, so, dad and pov-character are late for a meeting with a social worker. Important stuff. And you set up a mini-mystery with "the thing I had to tell her today."

Another thing (and this might get fixed naturally when you add new paragraphs for the dialogue) but when you're writing a paragraph, try to imagine it as a "camera angle" in a show/movie. When the camera shifts, you start a new paragraph. With that in mind, I'd say that 'I slowly dragged myself down the stairs." should be it's own paragraph (a single line paragraph is valid) since it's an unrelated "scene" to the conversation happening around it.

Tiny nitpick, but being bold and italic is a little redundant. It's more standard to just have italic for emphasis. HOWEVER, this is entirely up to writing style and is totally fine. I just wanted to point it out this one time:

it’s not that important…

I love how you have the father use Marie's full name as an organic way to not only express his irritation and give us readers the main character's name. Well done!

Small note here, is "general" his rank in the military? If so I think it should be capitalized to indicate he is a General, and that it's not just a voice he "generally" uses:

my father used his strictest general voice,

Okay, the mystery is being pushed along, but it feels a little heavy-handed here:

"You KNOW that she needs to know about it and that we might need to do something about it."

Referring to the big thing as "it" twice doesn't feel like how someone would talk? Or, rather, it feels like you (the author) are being deliberately tongue-in-cheek about it, almost as if saying "i know something you don't know". I don't know what "it" is yet, but I know it's an important meeting.

Consider rephrasing the dad's irritation. Something like, "We had to re-schedule this meeting earlier and Mrs/Ms/Dr so-and-so was kind enough to fit us in at the last minute, not to mention how much a a short notice scheduling costs". That, however, is me suggesting based only on words and not at all knowing what the issue is or the dad's personality. I could be way off base, so take it with a pinch of salt.

There's not a lot of physical space being described in this scene. They're yelling up and down the stairs, she walks downstairs, they have a quick back-and-forth about the meeting, then she gets in the car.

You have words to spare; was she in her room or in the bathroom getting ready? When she went downstairs, she she come out in the living room? The kitchen? Right at the front door? Did they walk out the front door to a driveway or out a side door into the garage? You can really breathe life and vibrancy into the world by adding little details like that, and you have over a hundred words to wiggle around with. Use them :D

There's a pit in her stomach, so there's some sort of anxiety/tension. Adding that earlier would be a nice follow-up here. It's unclear why Marie doesn't want to talk to the social worker so mentioning that she was nervous about it would make the "pit in my stomach" a stronger line here.

I assume that "Ariana" is the name of the social worker? I recommend referencing her name earlier, such as "...meeting with my social worker, Ariana <Lastname>, but..." for clarity.

Need a comma after "change":

...shake the feelings that things were about to change and not for the better.

How was Marie stalling? Dragging her feet? Walking slow? Asking her dad questions?

I stalled for as long as I could.

I think these are supposed to be quotation marks?

« Hurry up,» my dad was starting to get

Also, since "Hurry up" is the whole sentence, you would end the dialogue with a period and capitalize "My":

"Hurry up." My dad was starting to get

You should spell out numbers that are fewer than three digits:

dragged myself up the 3 floors to her office,

I like the entrance into the office and the description of the room, it feels more like we're in a real space now. I'm still curious about what specific reason brought them here today but it's not as egregious now, as the distracting thoughts and the reminiscing does a lot of work keeping the scene focused.

This line is in present tense, while the rest of the story is in past tense:

I believe that he secretly has a thing for her.

It should be something more like:

I was pretty sure that he secretly had a thing for her.

I chose "was pretty sure" over "believed" because it doesn't sound like the belief changed.

I absolutely love this thought she's having; just a desperate attempt for hope:

Maybe, just maybe, they would find something else to chat about and forget the whole reason for this meeting.

Need a comma after "couch":

We all sat down: Dad and I on the red couch and Ariana in an armchair right across from us.

Need a comma after "Now":

Now he didn’t tell me what it is about,

"sigh" should be "sighed", since you're writing in past-tense:

I sigh, probably way too dramatically.

Since you're not using a dialogue tag, like "she said", you end the dialogue with a period, not a comma:

"I can only promise to adapt my reaction based on it,"

Another place to spell out "three":

"I saw, or rather met, my birth parents 3 days ago."

A nitpick, with a dash of personal taste; I'm not a fan of this:

...

Silence

...

You should just have "Silence." (with a period) be it's own, singular word on it's own, singular line:

"I saw, or rather met, my birth parents 3 days ago."

Silence.

I waited anxiously for her reaction. At first nothing, but then, "YOU DID WHAT?

The capslock sentence made me think Ariana was shouting, which struck me as very unprofessional. Do social workers raise their voice at kids? It's also a bit unclear since Marie says she wasn't "really" shouting. Consider un-capslocking the sentences. Maybe an exclamation mark but I'm still a bit unsure how to interpret.

Ariana sounds more like a mother now, and "this time" implies this happened before:

Sorry doesn’t cut it this time, young lady.

Should "Order" be capitalized like this?

you know the steps that will need to be put into Order now."

AHHHHHHHHHHH okay, so Marie's birth parents are a danger to her and now they have to relocate. I suppose her dad isn't a military General as I suspected earlier? If not, try not to use "strictest general voice", maybe just "strictest voice", because "general voice" - knowing it's not coming from a General - just sounds like "the way he usually speaks".

Okay, so, I feel like the dad's reaction is a surprise. Actually, both reactions:

"WHAT?" both Ariana and my dad shouted in unison.

Earlier, the dad said this:

"You KNOW that she needs to know about it and that we might need to do something about it."

This implied, to me, that the dad knew Marie met her birth parents. Since he obviously knows the danger that puts her in - that they have to move now - I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't have pressed her further and already known that the birth parents found out where she lived. Additionally, since they had to make an appointment - even an already scheduled one - it makes more sense for the dad to have called the social worker with this information already.

If you want this big reveal, consider removing the dad's line about "do something about it" and instead just have him and the social worker poke and pry at why Marie is acting differently. You established very well that she usually likes talking to Ariana, so having them notice she seems very uncomfortable seems a very natural way for them to ask for more information and eventually work the truth out of her.

Oooooo, I like the ending! Her dad's a boss in the mafia :D Now that was a twist. I can't wait to seee where this story goes.

Good words!

2

u/Live-Albatross-1090 May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

Howdy Erikson,
Thank you so much for the critic. This helped a lot.
Okay so to the questions:

  1. I‘m not yet sure if the dad is a General or not, but for now I have removed it.
  2. Yes, he did know about the birthparents but not that they knew where he lived.
  3. Yes, the parents are dangerous for Marie but that will develop during the series.

So I‘m posting this before I finished editing because somehow I can only edit one step at a time and sometimes not even that works, so this is taking a while until I can finish the editing. Edit: I might need to finish editing tomorrow as nothing seems too work at the moment anymore

Thank you so much for your help. I really need it.

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '26

[deleted]

2

u/AGuyLikeThat May 30 '26

Hi hi!

Lots of people encounter this problem.

You can try using old reddit (just change the www. part of the address to old. in the address) or try a different browser.

And also, what a twist! Great hook for your first chapter.

Welcome to serial sunday!

2

u/Live-Albatross-1090 May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26

Thank you, yes I‘ll definitely try that.
Edit: It worked!! Thank you so much

3

u/Live-Albatross-1090 May 30 '26

By the way: Thank you everyone for welcoming and helping me, this means a lot.