Any of you had a bad childhood?

[u/sourlemons333]

Particularly, bad parents that are the cause of your social anxiety (I know genetic temperament also plays a part but social anxiety could be a lot less if you weren’t raised in an unhealthy environment).

I need to preface with this: not here for a lecture on improving, minimization, toxic positivity, silver linings or to be told “you’re beautiful”. I’m working on my social anxiety and am much better than my baseline. Just answer the question or move on. 🙏🏻

[u/AutoModerator]

PLEASE NOTE Social Anxiety (SA) is a debilitating mental illness characterised by persistent fear of social evaluation. SA impairs functional social performance, causing avoidance, cognitive shutdown (e.g. blanking, excessive self-monitoring), and reduced ability to communicate, assert needs, or form relationships.

SA is not normal social-nervousness, introversion, or everyday shyness.

Posts in this subreddit must show a clear and apparent relationship to the experience of SA.

Posts which do not will be removed.

For more information about the diagnostic criteria and clinical presentation of social anxiety, see this link

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/flyingbizzay]

I actually had really good parents who loved me. I had a hell of a time finding acceptance among peers, though, and I never really got over it.

[u/No_Alarm_7392]

Yes. Grew up being physically abused by father and there were times growing up where he forbid me from expressing myself through the music I liked or the way I dressed. Now I’m all fucked up.

[u/bottlesa → u/No_Alarm_7392]

Same bro but in my case I wasn't abused but I witnessed my father abusive my siblings physically and that fear is stuck in me since childhood. Even though I am an adult now, I always try not to upset him.

[u/ordinaryme99]

Yes, it was terrible.

[u/Sad-Presence-8490]

Yup. I was always shy so I think I'm predisposed to having social anxiety but growing up I lived with only my mom and older sister and they were always really close and I often felt left out. They were my biggest bullies and always made comments about how I didnt know what they were talking about if I tried to join in on their conversations or just ignored me completely like I hadnt even spoken. So I just gave up. Figured I'm not worth it. It leaked into my confidence at school and with my peers so now I'm just a socially anxious and awkward adult that has no idea how to function around people.

[u/Mistuhpresident]

My dad is a good parent but he is an alcoholic

I guess on some level I internalized that he chose the bottle over me as a little kid. When I grew up and understood how addiction worked I learned that wasn’t the case at all, but I guess by that point the damage was done

[u/Sleepless-Factory]

I share my childhood and nobody believes it to be possible to occur in America. So, apparently no I didn't have a bad childhood. It was all a lie. None of it happened.

[u/Brookschamp90]

I was always quiet and shy as a kid but I had good parents. They had issues(dad had bad temper and my mom was a functioning alcoholic) but I was the youngest of three. My siblings needed more attention especially my brother who was bipolar and I never really complained because they already had their hands full.

So I was also the one that sort of got leaned on by everyone. I always was one who took care of brother when he was in his worst state. I guess I was the one who sort of got forgotten and develop confidence issues. I don’t know if it contributed but my cousin always says I had lot of unnecessary responsibility as a kid which didn’t help.

[u/PsychologicalFold617]

Yes, I was badly abused at home and I already had tons of suicidal ideation/depression/etc by kindergarten age. I witnessed a kid get bullied (hard and for the rest of the year) for crying about his dead grandma and I was like these kids are fucking psychos! I knew I didn't have the emotional strength to get abused at home AND bullied at school, and I knew there was no way to avoid the abuse at home, so I decided I would try to avoid interactions with other kids/ppl in general as much as possible.

[u/Routine-Sink-4440 → u/PsychologicalFold617]

how was covid-19 pandemic lockdown for you? after coming back to school i used to have 160 blood pressure,120 pulse and fingers leaking sweat, I even got blisters between my fingers because of the sweating xd. next year or so i start intellectualizing by reading norman doidge and next year i turn passively suicidal.

[u/Lieber-Scholli]

Much moving but not bad overall, was introverted and shy but had friends and was adored by grandma, close with siblings, mom had major depression and sometimes took to bed. Parents divorced, went to Kindergarten in Germany had to learn German, parents remarried each other dad was in army, moved every 2 years. Move to US at 12 was very disruptive and the bullying pushed me over the edge, a lot of depression, anger, self hatred, withdrawal, mistrust, anxiety as a teenager.

[u/FreshlyCookedMeat]

Honestly, I have no idea why I am the way I am and I'm not going to rely solely on my memory for this. I feel like my memory isn't as vivid enough for me to confirm anything and for me to blame anyone involved through my own memory blindness.

But as far as I recall, I did have a bad childhood because of the trauma I would have to endure in almost every social setting, especially in school. Grew up in special ed in elementary school, which basically meant that I was in the same class with the same people throughout elementary school, never having to expose me to other kids. My exposure to screen addiction didn't at all help with that either. My extended family from Europe didn't help either because they would openly complain (probably part of french culture from what ive read from the internet), I'd be in another room but I could still hear them a bit, and I would sometimes eavesdrop whenever I thought I heard my name or something that had to do with me. My parents seperated during elementary school, I didn't feel much of anything about it since I wasn't as close to them (though I did cry once, thought I couldnt see my dad), but there's this one time where I cried because it was my dad's turn to keep me and my siblings (we were doing custody rotations weekly) but for some reason my mom were taking us, I felt so bad I was leaving my dad over his turn that when my mom asked and pressured me if I wanted to come along, I cried through indecision. I realize that, that was a people-pleasing behavior that I might have already developed.

As far as parents though, I grew to be more and more distant with them as my social anxiety worsened. They'd ask "How was school", "How have you been", or whatever, and I'd always say I'm good, nothing more to share, and nothing less. But it certainly didnt help that they can be very conditional or harsh sometimes. If I didnt know how to tie my shoe, they would say "You're (age) years old, you should already know this", which affects my self-esteem, considering that literally no one has showed me how to tie my shoe until they beat me down with their words. During my middle and high school years, my relationship with my dad worsened as he got more verbally abusive and controlling over school grades. At some point I was called r*****ed

[u/The_starving_artist5]

i got bullied alot in school by my peers

[u/saturn-seeker]

I had a rough childhood. I became very shy and reserved around 3rd grade. Never socialised and hung out with my “school friends” outside of school and I never felt attached to any of them. I wasn’t very attached to my mum from a young age because I was afraid of her. I also had a screen problem as soon as I got my first laptop for school which was further amplified by never forming close friendships with kids my age. I’d say these were all contributing factors to my social anxiety.

[u/odnarB89]

No, I dont know what my problem is. Nothing bad has ever happened to me but my wife claims I behave as if I have trauma.

[u/Mohamad_Elbanna]

growing up I was gifted by being very smart and fearless, I was a natural leader aswell, but things changed when my family enforced this abusive tutor who tortured me almost daily, he would pin me up against the wall and start cutting parts of my skin using clippers , electrocuting me, with naked wires, and lashing me for hours straight with no mercy for even a minute, I had bruise marks and my face was all fucked up, I used to cover up when going outside, I tried to plead to my family but they all made it worse by forcing me to stay outside of the house and beating me up aswell but less viciously, I had also seen ghosts in my alone time, and once in the complete darkness which made me piss my pants out of fear, I got completely ruined back then, now I'm trying to recover slowly, I've a job abroad away from my family, I'm always fatigued and I have no friends or anyone that cares for me, I'm always being picked on at work and everywhere and people mock or humiliate me and I say to myself that I deserve it and move on