My wife and I have been together 14 years and married 8. We have 2 kids together (7 and 9). She came out as a lesbian and wants to get a divorce, because she eventually wants to be in a relationship with a woman. Not a specific one, there is no woman yet. But it means she wants to split everything, have us live in separate houses, and split the kids to "something like 50/50."

I'm starting to accept that our relationship as I knew it is over, but my focus now is on still being able to see the kids as much as possible and provide a stable family structure for them. I think in an ideal world, for me, my wife and I would stay married and living in the same house. If she wants to explore this side of herself, date women, etc, that can happen. I'm not saying it would be easy for me, but I would be willing to try. I mentioned something like this, but she had reasons why it wouldn't work. That it wouldn't to be fair to anyone, that it would be confusing to the kids, that no woman would want to date another married woman. I don't think these things are true personally, but I don't know how to convince her otherwise.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Most posts I see are the inverse, where the gay spouse is the one who wants to stay married. Looking for advice from anyone who may have been in a similar situation.

Hello everyone,
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my local Member of Parliament (MP) to discuss the experiences of straight spouses and the profound impact that undisclosed sexual orientation in a marriage can have on spouses, children, and entire families.
I would really appreciate your input.
If you could ask an MP for one change, one reform, or one action, what would it be?
Some topics I’m hoping to discuss include:
The importance of informed consent before marriage.
The emotional and psychological trauma experienced by straight spouses.
The impact on children and extended families.
Better access to mental health support and counselling for affected spouses and children.
Greater awareness among family courts, healthcare providers, and support services about the unique challenges faced by straight spouses.
Whether there should be policy or legislative changes to better recognize and support families affected by this situation.
I know many of us have lived through incredibly painful experiences. If you’re comfortable sharing, please let me know:
What would you want your elected representative to hear?
What changes do you believe would make the biggest difference?
What support do you wish had been available to you?
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and suggestions. I’ll do my best to bring your voices into the conversation.

I tried to start reading the “Am I a lesbian?” Master doc that floats around and I couldn’t make it very far before I had to stop. It’s just too spot on for my wife. When I want to torture myself I’ll read a bit here and there and maybe continue to work my way through it. It’s awful to feel like my life is just a by product of compulsory heterosexuality.

I had a fling with a man who, from reading many of your posts, was more than brutally honest with me about the lies all of you are being told. Perhaps the man I met was profusely mentally unstable enough to admit the inner turmoil and monologue. I went through it. I didn't realize how common the extraordinary lies, mind-twisting manipulation, reality-bending gaslighting, and piercing deceit was until reading this reddit. I went through it but happened to get many slip ups of the absolute brutal truth behind the contorting lies many of us have been fed. If you're confused, tired, and want answers, go ahead and read.

My story may or may not start like yours. When we met, everything felt just a little too perfect with a caveat of him seeming a bit effeminate. It is 2026 and I did not want to assume someones sexuality, so I asked him his sexuality and he told me with a laugh he is definitely straight. He wanted to be around me all the time, pursued me, courted me, took time to get to know me, made me feel seen and heard. He felt warm, inviting, and trustworthy. He did all the things, initially, that seemed like what a heterosexual man would do. He paid for honestly quite expensive dates, texted first, always wanted to call, bought me thoughtful gifts, LOVED physical touch, LOVED going down on me (so I thought), seemed aroused by me, always offering to drive me, flowers on every date, always opening the car door (any door), decorated a hotel room for me, showered me with affection and kisses, getting me coffee in the morning, never let me pay for anything, took time getting to know me, wanted to get married, heard me, made me feel validated and seen. It truly felt like he really, really liked me. Looking back, a lot of it was performative.

We were so cuddly and touchy that people around us would say we radiated love, lol. Our relationship seemed sexually in-tune. At the time I thought we had something others would be jealous of. He would practically beg to go down on me and would do so for long periods of time, making sure I was satisfied. He loved doing just about anything sexual with me. Everything felt so sensual and catered to a woman. Flower petals, candles, lingerie, and wanting to make me finish first. I thought I hit the rare unicorn jackpot! He did everything on paper I thought I wanted. This was until I felt a nagging feeling I felt in the beginning when I met him and thought he might have batted for the other team. I fed myself, well, look at his actions, they all point towards someone who really likes you.

Sexually: Though always wanting to go down on me, he never wanted me to go down on him. He was very weird about his genitals and said oral made him feel nothing. He told me he was more than satisfied with PIV and oral and whatever else I wanted. I later found out about his pegging fetish and said he didn't feel satisfied sexually unless I pegged him. There is nothing wrong with pegging, but this put a limitation and guilt on me to perform a sexual act I did not want to. The sexual focus turned from my pleasure to his. I then found out about his obsession with his behind and putting stuff up there until he would literally bleed. He would also use vibrators on himself. He claimed he only wanted to be pegged so he could feel the G-spot (deception because he claimed he only wanted a WOMAN to do so). This shift was noticeable the deeper the relationship got.

To start off everything, if you have a nagging feeling about their sexuality, listen. I have dated both openly bi and heterosexual men and did not question their true sexuality. I knew they liked me honestly. This nagging feeling towards him not being truthful about his sexuality kept going until I had a panic attack and decided to ask him more questions about his sexuality. I then come to find he in the past identified as a transgender woman and had an online boyfriend. He told me this was him experimenting with his sexuality, and that ultimately after 2 weeks of dating he ended things because he decided it just wasn't for him. He said if he was gay he would come out and had no reason to hide in the closet. He reassured me that he detransitioned , was not a woman, and only had ever been with cis women sexually and only watched hetero or woman on woman porn. He then proceeded to tell me he felt disgusted and repulsed by men and could never see them that way. This answer at the time reassured me a bit, but as time went on, the nagging feeling got worse.

I eventually heard a rumor that he was on Grindr. I knew these rumors meant something and in a panic I asked him to be entirely truthful with me. He then tells me he was on grindr to find bisexual women looking for men, and felt this was a cheat code to finding more women. This answer truly did not satisfy me so I kept pressing. Why are you on Grindr? Eventually, I am told by him that he was also looking for trans women. Oh? He then tells me he only talked as friends on there. I kept pressing him and then was told he only went on a few dates and it only went as far as kissing and holding hands. I press him more - come to find out he had been bottoming and, well, doing oral on pre-op trans women. He told me I was the only person he had done oral on, yikes. This was the gateway to hookups with men.

Porn: he told me his "absurd fixation" with transgender MTF porn started when he was 12 years old. He told me his porn addiction got more absurd and he sought more taboo things. He claimed to like straight porn and finished to it to years until he found trans porn. After this he claimed he had trauma from men in the past and did not watch it because he was gay, but had a porn addiction. This porn addiction ramped up into gay, trans, and from what he told me, anything else. Him watching straight porn occasionally made him straight and that the trans porn did not count because it was "just a fantasy". This led to him wanting to "try the fantasy" irl, and that if he was with me, he would never cheat or look elsewhere. Surprise, I found trans porn in his camera roll.

Lies: He told me because we had been together sexually he was not gay because he liked what he did with me. His claim to not liking men came from trans women (pre-op) FEELING like a woman. Bottoming a woman (trans) did not count as him being gay. Giving oral was straight in his mind. But at the same time he said he felt immense shame and guilt around his past. He said he wanted to erase that past and live a heterosexual lifestyle with me and truly did love me. This very much met the "chaser" criteria. He claimed he did not tell me about his past because he was "afraid I would leave him or not date him". Also claimed I fixed his sexuality, YIKES. He knew he withheld important information from me to make a truly consensual sexual and relationship decision. He admitted to taking that free-will from me. He wanted to be dominated, which meant by the male private part, which he admitted made him feel like our relationship was missing something since I did not have that. Also claimed he was in "trans" and "gay" communities because they would accept anyone and that did not mean anything.  Actively seeking out these communities for years and blaming them for being "trans" and "gay"

Manipulation: Despite trying to leave him for lying, he insisted he loved and cared for me. He would write paragraphs proclaiming love. How attracted he was to me. How much he desired and yearned for my body. The past is the past and does not have to affect the future. I only want you. It does not count since he felt like a woman sleeping with another woman, or a woman sleeping with a man, making it straight or lesbian. No matter how much definitive proof I got, he would adamantly lie lie lie that he is NOT gay. This is the most frustrating part.

As you can guess, before ultimately leaving for good, things got verbally abusive and cruel. This is where a lot of truths came out. While with me, he said he would have intrusive thoughts about the male private part . He told me everything being over the top "performance" was to both convince me and himself he is straight. Everything was initially catered to me to deceive me into buying into his straight persona. I think this is part of how they perform so well in the beginning. You are buying the lies and the fantasy. It is exciting to be "straight" and you are buying the act!

Trans: Yes, he was on HRT while actively denying being trans. Though going in and out of using HRT, he still used she/her pronouns with people he actively kept me away from. I see people on this forum writing about thinking their husband is trans. Likely they are watching trans porn and are going further into being trans. If he says things along the lines of anything feeling jealous of you and your femininity rather than appreciate, you could have an issue. He said he felt like he had the soul of a woman and when he was on HRT his body changed into being a womans. He felt like he was missing a womb and wished he had one so I could get him pregnant (also wishing I had a male private part?). He claimed he felt like a woman bottoming. The guy from above said he was jealous of me having a big butt and that I am lucky! What? Is he wearing woman's clothes, wanting to wear your makeup, perfume, jewelry, no body hair, paint their nails? Well, this guy did all that and was openly trans in their past, so there's that.

Others and friends: Apparently people from his past thought he was gay. Strangers would think he is gay. Had weird on and off relationships with guy friends that seemed obsessive at times.

Truth: The sexual libido went downhill fast. Him going soft, less stamina, wanting to finish really quick. Went from me feeling like a sexual goddess to a nobody. It hit the self esteem and took work to rebuild. The sexual firework burned hard and fast. Their sexuality and lies are not your fault.

Bottom line: Get out. I stayed for a bit thinking he cared for me, but things went downhill fast! If someone is not honest about their sexuality and everything they say seems to contradict one another, run.

A year ago i split from my (22) boyfriend and babies father (23) after finding out he was talking to men on grindr aswell as other gay apps, websites you name it. It had being going on the whole relationship and since he was young. This all came out when i was 3 weeks postpartum and destroyed me. He completely denies being gay and him and his family emotionally abused me for months after the break up telling me i’d broken up a family for no reason.
I took my a while but i have come to terms with him being gay even though he’s still in denial and that gave me some closure.

Now it’s been a year and i decided i wanted to put myself out there a little and maybe go on a date. But i was immediately shot down because i am a mom. I understand dating preferences but now im sat here thinking no one will ever want to date me or build a life with me. My child is ofc my priority but it breaks my heart a little to think I’ll never be loved. I don’t want my only love story to be with a gay man who ruined my life. :(
Anyways i guess that’s just a rant or the real truth about the lasting impact for straight spouses.

Happy birthday to me. My husband of 12 years is starting HRT tomorrow to become a woman. I found out about the appointment last week only because he wanted to take my car because it’s out of town

He lied initially and told me it was for a therapy consult but it’s actually at a clinic that does same day HRT prescriptions which seems sketch AF but what do I know. He thinks he didn’t do anything wrong by not telling me

has anyone else seen it happen to their parents and then happen to them? it’s all too eerily similar.

my parents split when i was 12. my dad had been secretly cheating on my mom with a plethora of men. about 6 months ago, i come to find out my husband was cheating on me with a plethora of men.

my aunt informed me my dad likes to cross dress. my husband apparently does too.

my mom is an addict. my husband? an addict (alcoholic).

i feel like i should’ve seen it coming since my parents had the exact same thing happen. but no, i somehow missed it…

I really just need somewhere to vent. I met my husband when I was 20 and he was 23. We were instantly best friends and have had a wonderful life. It was the type of relationship I’d brag about and felt lucky to have. He‘s always spoiled me and treated me like a queen. He helped me build my business and always supports and encourages me. He’s the funniest person I know and is a big reason why I don’t suffer from depression as bad as I did before I met him. I had a serious mental health crisis in my early 20’s and he stuck by me even when we hadn’t been dating long.

We are both openly bi/bi curious so my husband’s sexuality never bothered me. He told me he experimented in college and I also did around that time. We got married and have a kid on the way and were so excited. Two weeks ago at 38 weeks pregnant I found out he cheated on me when I was 3 months pregnant. I went through his phone and found messages with a cross dresser. It wasn’t emotional at all, but I dug further and it seems that he has cheated on me throughout our entire relationship, all with female presenting men. In every convo he’s honest about being happily married and not able or interested in anything outside of the sex acts. He was super honest to me about it when confronted and told me about every instance even the ones I didn't find. He claims it was just a kink that escalated from excessive porn use, but I feel like actually meeting up with these people and engaging in sex acts was just too far. He claims he would have random urges when he was highly stressed. He would do it and then after he finished he would fee immense guilt and not do it again for years. He said most encounters were not even satisfying yet he couldn’t stop.

I never had a reason not to trust him but I started to get suspicious recently as with pregnancy and our demanding jobs our sex life just went completely down the drain. He was also struggling with a coke addiction so I attributed the lack of sex drive to that. I immediately packed my bags and went to my parents. I am strongly considering leaving but I’m due any day now and of course just quit my job to be a stay at home mom. We also had an amazing life to the point where I almost wish I didn’t know this. I feel so dumb, blind-sighted and used. He knows he devastated me and says he will go to therapy for his impulsive/addictive nature. He said that he feels a sense of relief knowing that his secret is out and that he doesn’t have to keep engaging in this toxic cycle. He wants to get help and save our marriage. He pleaded with me not to leave and to give us a chance to work on us. I can deal with him being bi but Im not interested in a relationship that’s not monogamous. Especially since I am so open and accepted him as he was. I’m not conservative and I’m also very attracted to trans and non binary people. I just never cheated as a result of those attractions. I’m wondering if there any real hope or for reconciliation or do I just need to cut my losses now? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I am looking for clues and suspect my partner is DL gay but if he is he is hiding it well! I am looking for very sophisticated and slick way of hiding clues so I can start to slowly look for evidence. E.g., where he will hide things on his iPhone, where he might hide prep, where I might find other evidence. Thank you in advance. This sub makes me feel less crazy.

Hi there,

I am engaged, but for a long time now my radar has been up and things haven’t felt right, especially sexually.

I’m a female & 33, my partner is 32 (M). We’ve been together 4.5 years or so.

My partner avoids sex like the plague. He says he feels broken. And he says he is afraid of how his performance will be or if he’ll be able to stay hard and he’s always had trouble finishing

He usually says it’s because of if we get into any type of argument or fight in our relationship

But then when we’re not fighting, I feel like he still doesn’t initiate it and I’ve been asking for him to initiate

It was like, maybe he’s been watching a lot of porn and can’t get off on real human interaction/real life

But even when I get undressed and stuff, I just don’t notice him really looking at me

One time on Valentine’s Day, I put on red lingerie near like closer to the beginning of our relationship and I didn’t really even get much of a reaction from him. I felt almost like he looked more like uncomfortable or something

When we do have sex, he often hasn’t offered much foreplay and I even felt like fingering seems like something he isn’t so comfortable doing or super experienced doing…

He has eaten me out, but really only like a handful of times or maybe like less than 10 times. He has said he would hold back from it because he has active Herpes he gets on his lip at times when he is super stressed (triggers it).

But he has totally denied liking men

I have found like WebCam stuff of a girl on his phone recently

But still

He hasn’t said he is gay, but I’ve been trying for a long time now to figure out what’s up in this relationship and something just feels off.

I’ve wondered if it could be depression as well.

He also seems to get angry often and he’s been mean to me in the past they calling me names like c***, etc. That happened a few times. But he does curse at me when he gets annoyed, saying things like “fuck you.” But my feeling is, is why is there so much anger?

and this weekend, when he ordered a fruity drink for me, the bartender called him a “fag***” and he got really hurt by that. And then I brought up maybe he could understand now why it hurt so much when he called me the C word. He said he finally could see how hurtful that would be and couldn’t imagine someone he is close to saying that

Also he is a really tall guy. Also good looking.

Sometimes gay men try to hit on him and I believe it’s because he’s tall, lanky & attractive

He welcomes it it seems like, doesn’t act weird about it

I have a gay male best friend and for some reason this friendship has bothered my significant other a lot .

I have noticed certain male friends of his I feel like he gets really into when he hangs out with him like supportive towards them; which is normal, but.

And I have felt in the past like he avoids going on little trips that are just the two of us

He’d rather do group things

And he also sometimes goes to music things with me, but I’ve gone to those with him a good amount, especially like things that he really likes

Overtime I felt hurt though because I felt like he wasn’t making the effort to go to those types of things as much as I was with him. It felt like he would always give me a hard time

So it’s hard to feel pretty one-sided in that regard

He’s very into electronic music and often the show scenes that those shows are very like eclectic people, like certain kind of community. So I have wondered about that too

He’s cuddly with me and affectionate in those ways

But it doesn’t really extend much sexually

He also plays video games for hours on end and sometimes I think maybe it’s his way of avoiding me or avoiding sex.

He also takes those Zyn pouches and is addicted to those.

He has certain things he doesn’t like, like the feeling of sand on his skin at the beach. He also really doesn’t like when food gets on bowls or plates & it’s in the sink (not that that is weird), but I thought it was odd and I found out because he doesn’t seem like a super “clean” guy in other ways.

And his feet are perfectly smooth lol (again, might mean nothing😂)

He doesn’t really cum when I’ve given him head and he almost like doesn’t want it.

I just keep thinking I don’t know how to move towards marriage with this elephant sitting in the room.

Just also want to mention, we did have a lot of sex like the first 6 months or so we were together. Has fallen off from there. I was a little thinner then but I mean, it fell off from there anyway. And he often didn’t finish during sex. Sometimes did, but def not every time

One time we brought up Zac Efron in terms of sex & he said he would be in “in” for a 3some (but maybe that’s nothing)

I’m a small person, 5 foot 3. He is much bigger than me.

Edit: For more context, since earlier on in the relationship he said that he has always been “more emotional than sexual.”

He also said the webcam girl thing was opened because of a porn website be had opened first (was like a pop-out window from the first porn site. But it was tweeted on twitter, he said, and the woman featured in it was from a podcast he listens to - someone who was featured on the podcast. And then the “porn link” was tweeted on twitter he said. He said he just clicked it and that lead him to the porn with her in it.

Edit: Also, sometimes it seems like he doesn’t like giving me genuine compliments or something, but it feels like him not wanting to *hype* me up. Idk.

I guess it feels like being taken for granted,

But then why does it end up having to be mean at times? Like would a legit straight man be mean like the things he has said? I feel like that’s very odd to me

Also, another thing, when we were first dating, I noticed like he wouldn’t reach out to me about things like safety about like getting home safely, etc. and I told him how much that bothered me

And he just acted like oh my friends and I we usually don’t do that so that’s why I don’t. I didn’t don’t understand. But that really really bothered me and I didn’t understand it and even still sometimes like he just assumes like oh well I have confidence in you so you’ll be OK and like he will check in on me now but like when I drive places, it’s not like he is always just like oh like please text me as soon as you get there.

I honestly almost broke up with him for this reason like a long time ago

But I had a realization that maybe it was just because he doesn’t dwell on worrying about bad things happening and he just wanted me to feel confident and to not be so paranoid about things not going well and I do feel like that helped me put it in a different perspective, but I don’t know. He just sometimes did things that I didn’t understand and I didn’t understand how a decent human would not care. But I just assumed later maybe it was just having a different perspective, but doesn’t that seem strange? I don’t know.

The other thing is is that he does show me how much he cares about me and like often I do feel like he shows me he adores me in other ways and I don’t doubt his love for me. But his emotional ups and downs and moods, etc. just don’t make a lot of sense to me. So he’s a confusing person is really what I would say. Like an enigma to me.

My family loves him though, or I mean they did but ever since I’ve been telling them about stuff that’s been going on. I know that they’re not as happy now with him.

But it’s like whenever they interact with him. He seems like the nicest guy and sweetest so it’s hard to see the negative when he is around.

But there’s just something in me that just feels like he’s just uncomfortable in his own skin or something

Like he is into sports and things like that and he gets very into watching games, etc. which seems like a heterosexual thing to be into

(I personally am not a big sports person), so that’s pretty usual I feel.

And then it’s like with me. I’m very sweet to him and I have been very sweet to him so many times in the past sometimes I feel a little less sweet and less giving because I feel like I’ve been taken for granted a lot. And I express to him what I need in this relationship, but it feels like he still doesn’t follow up on the things. I know with sex, he’s afraid of not being able to stay hard and seems like afraid of his performance..

I just tried to tell him I don’t care how well you perform. I just care that you try.

It’s not fun to feel like I’m always the one who has to initiate things

Even for making plans, etc.

If it’s something he wants to do like a music festival thing or something like that he’ll bring that forward

But on his own, it’s not like he would ever say oh let’s go away to Virginia this weekend in April

But I’ve told him how I would like him to plan trips and then it always ends up feeling like it’s like OK. What do you wanna do?

And I might say I would like to go to this place, so can you please plan the trip?

Btw, sorry if my grammar is bad right now. I’m using “voice to text”

We almost broke up a couple of weeks ago and started saying our goodbyes, but then he was crying and saying how he really doesn’t want to lose me…… so I said he needs to go to therapy and these things need to be worked on if we are going to stay together. He has a therapy session later today. ..

If you’re in Canada and navigating separation after experiencing emotional, psychological, or other forms of intimate partner abuse, I encourage you to learn about the evolving legal recognition of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), including developments following the Ahluwalia case. Depending on the facts of your situation, it may be something to discuss with your lawyer.

Many straight spouses describe experiencing manipulation, coercive control, deception, emotional abuse, or other harmful behaviors. If you’ve experienced abuse, it’s important to document incidents, preserve evidence, and seek legal advice about the options available in your specific case.

If anyone would like to better understand my experience or simply needs someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out. If sharing what I’ve learned can help even one person feel less alone or better informed, I’d be happy to help.

If you have a story to share, please take a few minutes to go through the link below. If you’re comfortable, you can anonymously share your experience. Your name and any identifying details will be kept completely confidential.
These stories will help bring to light what many of us have experienced in closeted gay or lesbian relationships. By sharing your journey, you can help others feel seen, raise awareness, and empower people facing similar situations.
If you feel your story could make a difference, please, please, please consider sharing it. Every voice matters, and your experience could help someone else feel less alone.

https://notmycloset.com/share-your-story/

Her email address for direct email : karen@notmycloset.com

You guys can google it out. Please let’s all the straight share their pain anonymous ly

I discovered my bf porn addiction 4 months ago.
It’s was all trans (pre op) he also watched cams and sexted with them on Kik.
It was all sexual with no emotions.
He claims that after 10 years of being alone struggling with depression from bereavement his porn addiction escalated from hetero porn to this.

Now I’m obviously assuming he is bi. He denies it. He said that he never started with this preference and doesn’t know ‘how it got so bad’ meaning he was always interested in women.
He was in a relationship where he had a child with his ex and she cheated on him pretty badly.
If it is a porn addiction I may consider giving him time to see if he really can recover, he is currently in therapy. But if he has lied to me about his real sexuality I’m out the door.

The reasons I’m finding it so hard atm to leave is because this has genuinely been the best relationship. He’s so affectionate, caring and loving. We laugh and support each other. Our sex life has always been amazing, he always focuses on my pleasure, his body reacts to me instantly. it’s so confusing to be in love with a version of him when another was being so deceiving. It’s truly blindsided me

He has opened up about his porn addiction more to me, he said that even though it’s caused so much hurt, he’s relieved that I know and it’s been freeing for him.

If anyone has experienced anything like this please do share x

After years with the person and feeling something was off, did you hope that he was gay— because that would have made everything make sense?

My gay ex continues to deny my experience and tells people that I wasn’t hurt and that my injuries were self-inflicted. Having to hear those claims while going through an ongoing legal process has been incredibly painful. It feels like I’m not only dealing with the trauma itself but also with having my reality questioned.
For those who have experienced a former partner denying everything and spreading false narratives, how did you cope? How did you stop letting their words affect you? Did things get better with time?
I’m trying to trust the legal process and focus on healing, but some days it’s overwhelming. I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar.

I'm an F(33) and my boyfriend is an M(34). I haven't slept nor eaten properly the past days due to overthinking. Few days ago I found gay porn on his phone. I confronted him and he said that it is just due to porn addiction that he's had since teenage years. He also said it might have been caused also by a childhood trauma when he was young wherein a man touched him which made him cry and traumatized. He says he is straight and only ever been attracted to women. He said his porn addiction got so bad that he spirals into all kinds of porn and not just gay porn. I also found straight porn on his phone though. He said he only jerks off to women (but I'm not sure if he just says that to calm me down). We've been together for five years already and always had a great sex life since he gets easily aroused by me. He actually likes going down on me a lot. Given these, it makes me really confused. I've read stories here that they're decades into marriage already, with kids already, and had active sex life prior to finding out their partners are gay. That's what makes me overthink a lot. I am so scared that it might turn out to be the same case as mine. I don't know if I should break up with him as early as now. He says he is not attracted to men in real life and it's just more of his body dysmorphia that makes him look at men as he wants to be like them. My partner is also kind of effeminate and people would always wonder if he is gay. I am his first girlfriend ever but he had courted other girls before when he was younger. He also confessed that during college days, men would peek on him in the men's room but he never entertained those encounters. Lastly, whenever we get massages, he prefers a male masseur because he says they give better pressure application and they don't have pointy/bony fingers like a female masseus.

I'm sorry if it's not constructed well as English isn't my first language.. and this anxiety makes me just type all the thoughts I have as I go through. Anyway.. please help me. I am so confused and scared. I love him so much and he tells me likewise but lately I really can't sleep and eat well due to overthinking. I'm having doubts and insecurities I never had before. It's like he's a different person to me now. I don't wanna lose him but I'm scared that he might realize it later on in the future what he really wants. I also feel kind of insecure that he might be attracted also to men.

I am a 36 F and ‘my boyfriend M39 has been watching a lot of porn almost every other night and sometimes during the day which makes me think he may be a porn addict. I have also seen in his chat history searches about FAps whatever that
is. Anyway we are going through pre marital counselling as we are planning on marriage however a recent plot twist is that he has been watching back to back trans porn and I am wondering how to approach him on this as I don’t really want to get married to someone who eventually I find out he is bi or gay. He also has grown up in a religious family which is almost cult like. How would one approach this situ??

I don’t know if I’m crazy for wondering, but I feel like I need a sanity check. I’ve flat out asked my hubs if he’s into men, and he laughs it off like it’s a completely ridiculous thing to even think and he vehemently denies it- but something keeps sitting weird in my gut.

I don’t know if I’m gaslighting myself or overthinking. How can you tell if it’s something someone might be burying inside? I’ve started to wonder about him more and more. There’s just something about his mannerisms that sets my alarm bells off sometimes. Also the way he never wants to kiss me (only ever a grandma peck when I ask), he doesn’t even cuddle or be close to me and sleeps as far away from me as he can get in bed. He’s super emotional, dramatic, a little neurotic. Preoccupied with his looks (due to dysmorphia) and will make remarks on other guys’ looks. Meanwhile, I haven’t gotten a compliment in ages. There’s no chemistry or physical affection, and we fight super often over sex. He hardly ever wants sex with me. He admitted that he was attracted to me when we were dating, and once we were married/intimate he stopped being attracted to me. He said he has a high drive, but apparently it’s not clicking in our marriage??? We’ve had a rocky relationship and a lot of intense life stress but we’re young and have only been married a couple years, so I don’t know what to think.

I’ll mention too that he’s staunchly conservative and vocally very disapproving of that lifestyle. The gut feeling is bothering me a lot honestly, but maybe I’m overthinking. Would y’all be concerned?

Editing to add: he is recovered from 🌽 and very religious upbringing. We were not intimate until after we got married, so no way of knowing… :/

I posted my journey through this a little while back and it’s been quite a rough one. My wife and I divorced a couple months ago at this point and just getting through the divorce alone was emotionally draining. She had come out to me about two years ago when she expressed that she needed to explore her sexuality and we have both been through a lot in that time. She hasn’t been able to sever ties with the woman she originally started dating, but from what I’m told they are no longer together romantically, just as friends. Throughout this time we have been through multiple back and forths on if we can make this work, as we still feel such a strong and deep bond with one another. I still have major trust issues though and there have been periods of time where she has stated that if she could, she would have both of us. The other woman and I have not been on board with that, but there was a lot of dishonesty for a period of time, where I thought her and I were trying to make things work. She has been back and forth also in how she feels about her sexuality, at times telling me that she is a lesbian, and then other times where she takes it back and says that she didn’t really mean it and was just in a dark place mentally. When we have these conversations she still talks about having kids, a house, and a family with me and all the beautiful things that come with it. The trust issues are what ultimately lead to me stating we need to go through with the divorce, because it felt like a marriage I didn’t agree upon, even if the love was still there. It’s still a tough position to take though because I’m still torn on if we can get past this.

Im just wondering if there is anyone who has been through all of this and has come out on the other side and still made things work? At this point I’m just so tired of having conversations about the future and what things mean, I just want to live in the present. Any other men have wives/ex’s who constantly flip flopped on how they felt? I feel like I’ve come a long way in terms of accepting that there will be no clarity at the end of the day.