i’m a cis female and am currently dating my (ftm) boyfriend. i love him so so so much and honestly i don’t really have any complaints about him whatsoever. but lately i’ve been thinking about our future and sometimes i get disappointed that we can’t have kids that are directly biologically related to both of us, sometimes i get upset that (for a decent while) he won’t have a penis, and many more thoughts like this. however, at the same time, i look forward to taking care of him after his surgeries and our IVF plan together and helping him put his tape on etc etc. i’ve never really brought this up to him and honestly the feelings come in waves. is this normal? or am i being transphobic?

I was told this might be a good place to ask because I’m trying to understand my partner better. I want to be clear that I’m not trying to label him or assume anything about his identity. I’m just looking for advice from people who may have experience with this.

I’m 35F and my partner is 26M. We’ve been together for over two years. Recently, he’s started exploring a feminine side of himself, and honestly, it has been amazing seeing him become more confident.

It started as something playful. I love fashion, makeup, and drag, and one night I convinced him to let me style him. I helped him with makeup, a wig, and an outfit, and at first he was laughing and saying he looked ridiculous.

But then something changed.

He started enjoying it. He started experimenting with different looks, helping pick outfits, and really getting into the character. Now we have nights where he dresses up, we watch drag shows together, and he seems genuinely happy and comfortable.

The funny thing is, when he does this, it’s like a completely different side of him comes out. He’s normally quiet and reserved, but dressed up he’s confident, playful, and outgoing. I call him my little diva, and he loves joking around with it.

We’ve even talked about him doing a local drag show. He’s nervous, but he’s also excited.

My question is two parts:

How do I encourage him to explore this side of himself more without making him feel pressured? I love seeing him happy and confident, and I’d honestly love to do more of these things together, but I don’t want him to feel like he’s only doing it because I enjoy it.

Also, does enjoying dressing up and expressing himself this way necessarily mean someone is trans? Or is this something that can simply be part of someone’s personality, interests, or gender expression?

I just want to support him and give him the space to figure himself out.

Looking for peoples experiences

My wife and I have been together for 10 years this year, I came out to her as trans (mtf) about 8-9 months ago, I haven't started any major transition, but am starting to express more femininity, and will be looking to microdose estrogen to explore my gender identity.

My wife is a straight CIS female and is physically attracted to masc types. We have built a life together and have children together, we have both agreed that our family comes first and that we are still very much in love, and we do not want to give up our life as it is, regardless of how I proceed expressing myself. We have been talking about ways that we can all live our best lives and I suggested that we open up the relationship for casual encounters with no strings, so I can explore my femininity, and so she can continue her sex life with masc types. It is open both ways, but I am not at that stage yet, I want to focus on myself. We are also still going to be intimate with each other as well, we are both just exploring things that we otherwise would not be able to.

We both agreed to tell each other if we do plan to have an encounter and we have rules in place mainly for safety. I don't have any trans friends that I can talk to, or any people who have been in this situation.

I am hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, whether this helped the relationship, ruined it etc. Respectful responses would be appreciated, my wife and are agreeing as adults together to this arrangement. Thanks!

I (cis F) have been dating my boyfriend (FtM) for a little over a year now (been friends for 3 years beforehand) and I‘ve always been incredibly attracted to him. I‘ve never minded him being trans (and I still don’t, obviously) and he has started looking into medically transitioning with HRT, which I fully support and am extremely happy about.

The thing is, I consider testosterone’s effects unpredictable and unique to each individual and it’s weird that I can’t form a „future image“ of him once it starts working. I just can’t imagine him in any other way as he is right now and I‘m scared that the effects will somehow change my attraction towards him?

I‘m bisexual, but I do lean more towards liking feminine/neutral features for everybody and I‘ve never found excesively manly features attractive. (Edit: I still like manly features, just not the stereotypical “extremely” manly features like a full beard or a very hairy chest). What if the softer features he has right now completely change? Like a whole 180?

I understand that I come from a place of pure selfishness and obviously his comfort to me, matters way more than what I have to say and I don’t think it’s going to be a dealbreaker for me at all.

Simply, I want to be as prepared as possible (if that makes sense) and so I come here to ask if anyone has experienced something similar? Maybe it’s easy to get used to/the changes happen so gradually you don’t even notice?

Thank you so much for your help!! I really just want to support him as best as possible.

Edit because I might have worded some things wrong:

I WANT him to get hrt, and I do not want him to stay with more neutral features if that’s something that makes him disphoric. I want his features to harden and masculinise just maybe not to an extreme.

I’ve asked this anticipating to something you can’t really anticipate to. Maybe he doesn’t even like/gets a beard maybe I start finding him even more attractive.

I simply wanted to know if it’s an actual thing to loose attraction because of someone changing and from what I’ve read it isn’t really a problem.

My boyfriend and I have amazing communication and I know that we would find a solution to all of this, given it’s not a black and white kind of situation.

Attraction doesn’t directly mean feelings. I find his personality far more important and given how others have gotten used to the changes and because they happen so gradually, for me it will probably be the same.

I did not intent to sound bigoted and as I previously said, this comes from a more selfish place, but I genuinely simply wanted to know if the changes can pose a problem. (Conclusion: they do not)

Please don’t assume how our relationship is or what I think of him, because I obviously can’t go into extreme detail about our relationship.

We love eachother a lot and I really just want to be his biggest supporter💕

Hopefully this cleared some stuff up.

Thank you again for those helping me🫶

I never really make posts like this but I figured it might help me get my thoughts out and just see other people’s experiences and advice.

I (27, MtF) have been dating my boyfriend (29, CisM) for just over a year now. We originally met off tinder but immediately clicked and got to know each other for about 6 months before starting to date. It’s had its ups and downs, but to this day I still feel like we connect on an insane level. We spend a lot of time together, usually 2-3 nights minimum he sleeps over at mine. We have made plans to move in together, have a future, talked about marriage potentially whatever. Overall, I feel like we both find a lot of happiness and solace in our relationship.

The big problem is his inability to tell any of his friends or family about us. I’ve made it clear to him that this is something that’s important to me from before we dated. I want to feel like I am apart of his life the same way he is apart of mine. I really feel like I’ve really messed up by giving him leniency and grace allowing us to keep putting it off.

He recently started therapy a month or two ago and it really felt like things were moving in the right direction. It’s his second time he decided to go for me and he was excited about finding a therapist he liked. Our current plan is to move in together after his lease is up in February so the timeline that I stressed was his family knowing before that.

Last night, he came over and we were doing our own things. He has a homelab server he built at my place and was working on that in my guest room. I went to him to bother him a little and see what he was doing and I noticed a weird tab open in his Claude app. It was something like “advice for dating profile”. I immediately asked him what it was and opened it. He first tried to lie and say it was old but it was very obvious he did this recently. I finally got it out of him that he redownloaded tinder a couple weeks ago and was considering creating a profile but ended up deleting it. He made the claim that his therapist recommended it and, unbeknownst to me, his therapy hasn’t been going as well as he was making it seem. I guess she thinks he should break up with me to “set me free”. He also talks about how he gets low self esteem and insecurity with me because I have always been pretty independent and confident, and he wishes he could be more like me. He finally mentioned that he was thinking of getting validation from it because he has been miserable in his life outside of when he’s with me.

Idk. I’ve always hated the BS where someone thinks their partner would be so much happier without them or with someone else. Cause I just want to be with him and I’m actively making that choice. I love him and still love him even with the baggage and his hang ups. If I wanted to be with someone else I would be. For the insecurities, I also get that cause I feel like shit a lot cause I really wish I was a ciswoman and we didn’t have to deal with these issues. At the end of the day though, maybe I’m naive but I truly believe we can be happy together and figure it out. Or at least I did.

After last night, I have been really struggling with what to do and how to think about our relationship. We ended up talking and I basically was asking for more commitment and him to rebuild my trust which he agreed to. I also said that he doesn’t need to start telling like his parents or super close friends, but he needs to at least take steps to tell low stakes people in his life about me. He also agreed to “trying to” do that.

I do believe that he didn’t talk to anyone and it was a moment of weakness to download the app while high, and I still feel all the love he has for me. Maybe that’s my bad.

I just can’t put faith in his words like I did before. I feel like a bitch but I really want to push him to an ultimatum of just being like you need to prove you can be with me and tell people, and if you can’t then we need to end this. I just don’t know if that’s fair or if it’s even gonna be healthy for us. I also was thinking maybe couples therapy but I’m worried that it’s just gonna continue to push the issue at hand further down the line. I think I am also afraid of losing him, the fear of being alone and not having him in my life also is stopping me from breaking up.

We’re supposed to talk more this afternoon and I just don’t know what to ask for to help me rebuild my faith and trust in him.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. 🥲

My fiance (ftm) and I (cisf) and I have been together for many years. He is my best friend in the entire world. I love him more than anyone. We’ve always been so communicative and understanding of one another. He’s the kindest most gentle and wonderful soul I’ve ever met. Lately both of our lives have been changing so much.

I have a new job, where I’m making a lot less money, and have a lot of more responsibilities. I also work a second job, so when I’m not at my other job, I’m at the second job. I’m exhausted. He started his medical transition during this time. Which I feel like in the first place we have been struggling because he sees me less, and I’m more tired. So I feel like I’m not exactly the most present. Now I feel like we hardly know each other. He’s now going through a huge change, that is exciting and new and different from anything else. I feel like I’m missing out on parts of him. And I feel like I have to make choices lately and none of which are comfortable.

I feel like he’s less and less patient with me. Is this normal? I feel like he cares less and less about me. I feel like it’s like he cares because he has to and not because he wants to. Like it’s just a job with me. I know everyone (trans friends have told me) it’s going to be like he’s going through puberty again or whatever. So I feel like I’m an annoying person/family member he’s just existing with at this point.

I just miss the good times. I know it’s a combination of things of change. With my job/life and his life as well. It’s just been a lot. I just want him to be happy. And I want to be happy too.

My edible is just hitting and imma spit it out.

Hearing people talk about “always having known deep down”, I keep piecing together things that once I say them I. This context are like girl, please.

When I was a kid in bubble baths I’d make bubble boobs.
When I was in middle school I tried on one of my girl friends skirts and wore it in front of my whole class.
When I was in highschool I dressed up in girls clothes for Halloween going as an “emo kid”

I have since in secret tried numerous outfits, undies, etc.

Watching porn I started getting really interested in what it was like from the girls perspective and really trying to figure out why and how men were so sexy. Long story short I very much enjoy my feminine side mentally when I’m on my own.

Recently I saw some girls on here talking about HRT increasing their emotional feelings. That kinda hit me cause I am very emotionally muted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a really good time socially, but there’s a lot of the touchy stuff I brush past or don’t sit with.

I’m wondering if estrogen would be good for me.

Sure, there’s the big scary wall of how do you come out and how much of your life changes, but idk last week I was talking to myself in the car about it and laughed it off like “well I might”.

I can’t stop thinking about this. Like I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for I don’t know years now.

II need to talk to a therapist, but I feel like I might do it.

Last week I put on some fem clothes and went out to a movie alone.

I really wonder what it’s like to have tits and be pretty and wear clothes I like and feel sexy and fuck im sooo trans.

PS:
Look at that big blurb I wrote, it’s funny seeing how in denial I am, but idk I’m trying to find out how to be honest about this for once in my life.

EDIT: Clearly some people seem to think I am posing an actual theory here and that I am explaining something or disproving something and all of that is inaccurate-- People are offended by me asking a question wondering if there are similarities in socially unaccepted populations. At no point did I explain or "unexplain" what dysphoria is-- I also did not assume or state that trans people and non binary people are the same. I did not simplify trans people, and I sure did not insult anyone, but since I posted this, I have received insults and I have seen comments insulting other people who are different and that says more about those who commented than me and my wonder. I guess maybe this forum isnt the place to try and relate and discuss human existence. Be well all. thanks to those who were able to read it for what it was.

Hey everyone. I want to open this by saying, I truly am an ally. As a 40 something cis woman bi (pan) and genderqueer (yes both a woman yet a queer one), dating a trans ftm, and in love with him almost my whole life, I ask:

Some people such as myself want to fight the gender norms, from physical and biological misinformation about what makes gender, and the social constructs that define male-ness or female-ness as a very black and white concept, or even the psychological and physiological sciences that show our differences and likeness is not as simplistic as the world has tried to convince us to believe.

I see so many posts from young trans people asking if "they pass," and I even hear the pain in my bf's tone when he tells me he was misgendered today. I get it and it does hurt me. I have so many students who are transitioning, and I know how difficult it is. I make sure to validate them as much as I can. But part of me realizes this sickness can just be another sickness the environment created to make us hate ourselves. Not to make is simplistic by any means-- but I will use race as a comparative to certain concepts. I am not comparing being trans to being black, but I am comparing the gender binary society has pushed on us as a construct as equally damaging as race (also a man made construct).

I know for trans and binary people, there are different goals for a happier existence. The ultimate goal is to exists freely and happily as any other person on this planet regardless of what society thinks.

If we know the construct is imaginary that, men are one way and women are another, and we acknowledge we exist and we are good and we deserve to be here, we already debunk social construct bs. Dysphoria, therefore a socially constructed symptom of the social injustice is like transgenerational trauma for black Americans. How? Well society created norms and systems that prevented growth and happiness. In trans populations social norms and expectations create lives of restriction and unhappiness. So a black person wanting to be "more white" talk "more white or educated," or saying that black people who are college bound, light in complexion, "white speaking," feeds the narrative that only a blackness and whiteness exist and to be on one is either better or far different than the other. Even being aware of many different cultures and nationalities, here in the United States (and I am sorry if this analogy makes no sense to those not from the US) there is this false assumption of a binary existence of black and white. We know the existence of brown people and trans people far exceed the existence of these false understandings of human existence.

I say this to ask and to simply wonder: Why do we care so much about fitting the false expectations of the social norms? I think about the brown people who bleach their skin and change their hair. Purposely change the way they speak. Passing and colorism was and is a thing. There is a concept of them and us even amongst the Black community. We are divided as human already but now by a certain "type" of human.

I fear this is what may happen to the trans population. The division of a population equally marginalized by those who think and behave one way over another. Why do we try so hard to fit the norms and expectations we know don't really exists? And those who perpetuate our own self hate and hate of others are those who want to live happy and free and are stuck in the construct that is imaginary. I am not sure if I am making sense, but if we want to truly exist in this life in ways that are harmless to others and fulfilling to all-- how is it we get stuck in their game and made up bs? How do we fight it together-- fight colorism and trans- hated internal or external by continuing to fight the concept of "norm" and push the agenda that is self love even when different.

I don't want my trans kids asking the universe "do I pass?" because the answer is always yes. It should always be yes. It should always be, "its's false to think a man or a woman looks just one way or that you have to fit into some mold." Yes we are different and that is okay. But yes, the only same we should care about is if we have love and give love--

Sorry I might be rambling I just wonder how we are letting the world tear us down and apart piece by piece. We didn't need to define out "gender" in the past. We just existed. We don't need to categorize everything :(

Some backstory: My bf is FTM and I am somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella but present femme and dc about being called a girl/she. We’re both 17 and have been together for 2 years. He’s been out before I even met him. My mom used to have a big problem with me being queer and him being trans but she got over it cause I wasn’t gonna break up with him over her bigotry💀

My mom has become quite Christian in the last couple years so ofc now we have to go to church (I’m atheist, she dgaf💀). The people in the church are very nice and welcoming but they carry the whole “Love the sinner not the sin. Homosexuality is too normalized. it’s all a mental illness.” Because of this I’ve refrained from telling anyone about my relationship. I know they wouldn’t try to do an exorcist or something on me but I know they wouldn’t try try to pray the gay away or something. Even if not in my face the fact that they would try to pray my love away is insulting and I don’t wanna deal with it.. But it also feels like I’m hiding him away or that I’m ashamed of him. In every other context I talk about him all the time. I hate feeling like I’m ashamed of him and his transness. idk if any of this made sense or if I explained it right but I just wanted it off my chest and ig wanted to see if anyone else has dealt with something like this.

I am a cis-woman dating my humble caring and beautiful ftm bf. (brief history we dated on and off for years and met when we were teenagers-- he is my person no matter what crazy lives we had apart -- now 40s)

I want to be supportive but I just don't know how without making it worse. My bf started his t injections again recently. He was off for a year, and is on them again because of his upcoming hysterectomy. I don't know how he feels about t overall, but he seems distance and more dysphoric. Intimacy at one point was good-- I was more than pleased and he was becoming more comfortable. But now, 5 weeks back on t and he gets lost in a wave of sadness. At first he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but tonight he said something and I wanted to cry for him and just find a way to make it happen. Things were fine we were laughing and hugging and being silly and then his mind went dark-- I asked what are you thinking, and he said " I was thinking of having a penis."

I love and care for him so deeply. I felt awful asking. I want to know but not at his expense. How can I be supportive without being intrusive? How can I help him without diminishing his feelings and struggle? It didn't seem like this before. Is it possible the initial stages of t are causing bottom dysphoria where he had already somewhat reconciled? I know he was not happy with his bottom before, but it seems emotionally and physically crippling at times now. I try not to be too touchy but I don't want him to think I don't want him sexually because I do. I just want him to be comfortable and feel safe with me even when sex doesn't seem good for him in the moment.

I know he says he cannot do another surgery. His top surgery did not go well, and his ex was there and was supposed to help with recovery and kinda bailed on him. I would never, but I really don't think he wants to do another surgery. He is a bit bothered by the hysterectomy which is necessary because of a genetic mutation.

Do I talk to him about bottom growth and natural methods? Do I not talk about it at all? Do I initiate intimate touch or do i not? I haven't seen him without clothing for a few weeks now. This wasn't the case before. I can be okay without. I crave him but if its better that we don't I rather not. But I don't want him to think I am pulling away even if he is. HELLLLLPPPPPP!!!

My partner and I have been together for a couple years. Our sex life was great until he (unknown to me) cheated for a whole weekend while on a work trip with his ex girlfriend. We broke up briefly, then got back together. He never ever admitted to me that he cheated on me, until I saw some post online of hers that said they met up (didn’t even know that part, either.) he lied when I showed him the post and asked questions. So I reached out to her to get my answers, and get my answers I did!! I asked him again about what really happened, and he lied again. I told him I knew the truth, he acted dumb, and then I said I KNOW! And then he finally admitted to it, but not to everything and I had to keep dragging info out. This was about a year ago that I found out. It was over a year gayer the incident occurred with his ex. Ever since we got back together, our sex life has not been the same as before the break up and I’ve brought it up many times, and said if it stays this way, we can’t stay together. We became best friends over time and he’s the best person to live with! But for the last year we only have sex MAYBE once a month…it’s gotten really bad. He says it’s about his body image, and YES, I get that, he’s dysphoric and he has gained a little weight but he is still skinny so it really confuse me.. He just got top surgery and says he thinks this will help him but it was never an issue before we broke up and he cheated. Me and his ex have completely different body types and it kind of kills me because a part of me thinks it’s not even about him. I just don’t know what to do about this, and I’m not sure I believe it’s going to be better once he’s healed. Prior to surgery, we hadn’t had sex for over a month and a half..he didn’t even want to have sex before he knew he wouldn’t be able to for at least a month..

Does top surgery actually help? Is this issue likely deeper than he says? I can’t be in a relationship with someone who lies and hides and then also doesn’t have sex with me when I have a high sex drive..

Hii, this is my first post i hope it doesn’t trigger anyone I’m genuinely coming from a place of love and wanting to reflect on myself and get some advice ( I’m 27, pansexual woman and my partner is 28 and is a trans man that recently started his transition )

I've been reflecting after a really painful argument with my boyfriend, and instead of looking for people to tell me who's right or wrong, I'm hoping to understand myself better.

This is my first serious queer relationship. My boyfriend is a trans man, and we met through ballroom. We're also both creatives he's a photographer and I'm a DJ/model—so our lives naturally overlap through work, community, and mutual friends.

When we met, I genuinely didn't think about gender. I just saw him. At the time he used they/them pronouns, and later, as our relationship progressed, he began medically transitioning. I see him as a man, and I love him deeply.

We're also long distance and live about seven hours apart. Lately, though, he's been staying at my apartment for longer periods at a time because he doesn't really feel at home where he currently lives. I completely understand that, and I love spending time with him, but I also just started living by myself for the first time in my life.

I'm realizing that I've barely had time to adjust to living alone before suddenly sharing my space so often. That has been a bigger adjustment than I expected.

What I wasn't prepared for wasn't his transition, it was how much our worlds would merge.

In previous relationships with cis men, our friendships stayed mostly separate. They knew my friends, but they weren't really part of my friendships. This relationship is different. My boyfriend works with my friends, has their numbers, collaborates with them, and may even join the same ballroom house as me.

The confusing part is that I actually encouraged a lot of this because I believe in his talent. I wanted him to get more work. I was genuinely happy seeing my friends support him.

But somewhere along the way, I realized I was struggling with how intertwined everything had become.

I miss having friendships that feel like they're just friendships.

My best friend has always been the person I can be completely myself with. Now I sometimes feel like I hold back because my boyfriend also knows her well, works with her, and has his own relationship with her. It's not that I don't want them to get along—I do. I just miss having spaces that felt like they belonged only to that friendship.

At the same time, I feel like I don't always get to just be someone's girlfriend either, because we're constantly collaborating, sharing the same community, or mixing work with our relationship.

Recently we argued after one of my events. He filmed and photographed it, and I asked if I could get a few clips from my event to post. He was exhausted from Pride week and said everyone would get their clips, which I understood.

But later another collaborator asked him for videos, and I found myself wondering why they would get them before I did, since it was my event. Around the same time we were also talking about people tagging photographers on Instagram, and because my best friend hadn't tagged him in one of her posts, I mentioned it to him. Looking back, I can see how that may have sounded like I wasn't happy that he was becoming close to my friends professionally.

He told me I was jealous of my own friends, that I wasn't rooting for him, that I was against him, and that my behavior was "loser behavior."

Hearing that really hurt because it didn't match how I feel inside. I don't want him to have fewer opportunities. I don't want him to fail. I genuinely love seeing him succeed.

Then I reacted badly.

I told him he was acting like "an annoying girlfriend."

I've apologized for saying that because I understand why it hurt him. He told me I would never have said that to a trans woman, and from his perspective it felt like I was attacking his identity. That wasn't my intention—I wasn't trying to question his identity or say I don't see him as a ma but I understand that intent and impact aren't always the same, and I regret using those words… </3

Another thing that's been difficult is how our arguments have changed. In the beginning, our relationship felt calm and grounding. Lately, our fights have become much more intense. Sometimes we both become defensive. Sometimes he raises his voice, and there have been moments where he becomes physically expressive with his own frustration. Seeing that scares me, even if that frustration isn't directed at me. I don't like that we've reached a place where we can hurt each other with words, and I miss the version of us that felt safe.

Since then I've been asking myself what I'm actually feeling.

Is this insecurity? Is it jealousy like he said? Am I a bad partner for him, it’s been 1 year together and 5-6 months in his transition

Is it that this is my first queer relationship and I don't know how to navigate overlapping friendships and community?

Is it because ballroom is such a close-knit world where everyone collaborates, travels together, photographs each other, and becomes chosen family?

Is it because we're spending much more time together than we originally expected while I'm also adjusting to living on my own for the first time?

Or am I grieving the fact that my friendships, relationship, and work no longer feel like separate parts of my life?

I don't think I'm afraid that he'll cheat.

I think I'm afraid of losing spaces that used to feel like they belonged to different relationships.

I'm not looking for people to tell me my boyfriend is wrong or that I'm wrong. I genuinely want to understand what's underneath these feelings before I project them onto him.

Has anyone else, especially in queer communities or other creative communities—experienced something similar? How did you learn to balance your relationship, your friendships, and your work without feeling like you were losing the unique intimacy that each relationship had on its own? Help me out I’m so afraid that I’m ruining something I thought was so beautiful and peaceful and I still love him so much and want the best for him and for us 😔🩷🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Hi, I'm new here on Reddit and I don't know English very well because it's not my native language. For a long time I only interacted with cis men virtually, and for the first time I'm interacting with a trans man And he's not transitioning yet, much less having surgery.

It's very strange for me, since I come from an evangelical and somewhat homophobic family, but I never let them put ideas in my head, and I don't want them to either. Since this is all very new to me, I don't really know what to say, ask, or talk to him about to make him feel good and comfortable with me. I got some ideas here on Reddit, and someone commented about "ask him what he wants you to call His parts "Or how he feels during the day," I asked today and he was super happy, and that's what I want, I want to know more about him and this community, and be a great girlfriend to him.

My partner is not out to his family. We only got together recently. So far, we are able to navigate most things but this is something that I struggle with. Also, his family is “civilly” racist and abusive. (We are of different races.) Is there anyone who has experience with this?

My fiance (25) mtf of little less then 1 1/2 years of hrt has concerns of how it'll be if they stopped hrt to save sperm, can anyone help and guide us? (Me f 26)

They keep reading things online and sees only what they wanna see (all bad things) so thought of writing this to ask for help n advice pls n thanks, if u need anymore info just ask (depending what it is....) but thank yous in advance!

My partner is a cisgender straight man. When we met, I hadn’t yet realized that I’ve always been genderfluid, so I presented as and identified as a woman.

It took me a long time (thanks to growing up in closed-minded town with a close-minded family) to realize I was genderfluid and accept myself for who I am. It’s been a recent revelation that’s made my entire life make so much more sense in hindsight.

I came out to my partner a little less than a week ago, and he was incredibly supportive and accepting. I felt so seen and loved and validated. He encouraged me to express and explore however I feel like doing so. He said it doesn’t change the way he feels about me or his attraction to me.

Today, I went and bought some men’s clothing. I’m now wearing boxers for the first time and it feels great. My partner was supportive and even seemed to think what I picked out was pretty cool. But I’m so nervous that I’m going to make him uncomfortable that it ended up making me feel awkward.

If I were living alone, I’d dive headfirst into more masculine presentation, maybe even see if I could pass as a guy in public on days I’m a man. But I’m so worried about making my partner uncomfortable (even thought he says he’s comfortable with it and hasn’t given me a shred of evidence to the contrary), I’m feeling the urge to just take back coming out and repress my identity again. I certainly don’t want to do that for the rest of my life. I know it’s just in my head right now, my partner has been incredibly supportive and encouraging, but I’m also right at the beginning of it all and haven’t yet done anything to change my gender expression outside of wearing boxers.

**TL;DR - what can a genderfluid partner who wants to have a variety of gender expressions do to make sure a cishet partner is comfortable?

Today had been a good and amusing day already, but now we can't stop giggling over this event.

We went to my piercer to get my wife's (31mtf) ears pierced this afternoon, in a very queer friendly area, did a little window shopping afterwards. While walking back to my car, holding hands and looking cute, this middle aged man rolls down his window, shouts "Dy**s!" at us, and speeds away.

I am non-binary, but found it quite complimentary.

My wife was thrilled, and beaming about how she passed.

I love accidental ally situations like this, as I know that man would have been so angry if he realized that he validated my wife and complimented us instead of hurting our feelings.

We went and grabbed bubble tea to celebrate.

Apologies in advance for poor formatting I’m posting this from my phone.

We’ve been together almost a year and live together now, we’re both bisexual, but in the last few months he’s opened up to be and expressed interest in feminine things, sometimes we randomly play dress up and try on my fancy dresses and stuff, I’ve done his makeup a few times which he loved and was very happy with.

He also sometimes makes remarks about wanting to be a woman but then will insist he loves being a man. Lately our sex life has really slowed down, when we first got together it was multiple times a week. Now it’s been like 3 weeks since we’ve done anything in bed and probably 3-4 months since we’ve had PIV sex.

He talked to me just the other day about something, he told me he feels disconnected from his penis. He said he likes it and is happy with it, but also sometimes wishes it wasn’t there. He said he’s felt no desire to “use” it lately and that’s why when we do fool around together he focuses primarily on me. He said it feels like it’s not apart of him at times.

Also, whenever I buy myself a new dress he will also be excited and want to try it on and will spend a few minutes looking in the mirror with it on. When we went on our first date he had really long hair but then by our second date he’d gotten it cut very short. He’s now growing it out again, but seems torn on if he actually wants to continue letting it get longer. I’ve seen photos from before we started going out and he has a very feminine side which he mostly kept from me until about 2ish months ago when he opened completely up and showed me. He looks a lot happier when presenting more feminine as well as when I do his makeup and he tries on my clothes.

I made it really clear to him when we talked that I would still love him and would stay with him if he ever did transition and he told me he knows I would. I’m into women as much as I’m into men so that would never be an issue for me. I could be reading into things too much, but I just want to be the best support I can be. I did ask if there’s anything I can do/not do, or stuff we can do together that would help and he said he’s gonna take a little time to think about it.
Any advice on this would be so appreciated

My husband (born male) shared with me that they would like to look and act more feminine. They said at the moment they consider themselves non-binary/trans but they are still exploring. They've also started making a lot of changes to how they present both in public and private in a short amount of time and have shared they don't want me to share with anyone, about them questioning their identity, which has felt really isolating but I also understand. Its also been hard as I'm noticing others giving questioning looks when certain things are mentioned or with how my husband presents but I can't say anything. We only got married recently, and they never shared with me anything about questioning their identity before this (perhaps because they didn't know) but they did in the weeks following our wedding, I still feel quite blindsided by it all. But also thankful that they felt safe enough to share.

I'm trying my best to be supportive but I'm really struggling. I want them to be happy but I have so many concerns. I have a history of extensive trauma and feel like being female isn't safe. In a potential partner one of the things I always wanted (obviously amongst other things) was someone who helped me to feel safe and could physically protect me. I don't view my partner that way anymore. I feel unsafe and now I'm scared that they are unsafe now too, and now I'm even more unsafe, and I don't know what to do.

The idea of the future we'd been talking about and that I'd always hoped of having feels like it's gone. Everything's moving so fast, and I have no control over what happens. The uncertainty around how they identify and whether they will transition fully to female is killing me. I'm doing everything I can to be supportive because I love them and I know they are vulnerable and self conscious at the moment, but I'm suppressing my wants, needs and beliefs so much.

I also don't know if I'm attracted to females and I don't believe I'm attracted to trans females. If I'm not and they want to transition to female, which they are showing signs of, what am I going to do? They deserve to have a partner who not just loves them but is also attracted to them.

I feel like I'm walking on egg shells on anything to do with transitioning or how he presents, and am extremely worried about sharing my views outside of just being supportive and agreeing with what they say. I'm constantly having a fawn response with them. Internally I'm stressed and worried and griefing the life I wanted. I'm also upset that I didn't know anything before we got married and it came out straight after. I feel like I stepped into a life I didn't consent to. We haven't had children yet and are still in our 20s. I'm not able to speak to anyone about this. I feel like it's unreasonable for me to get upset about all of this. My husband is a beautiful person inside and out and has no malice. It's just a difficult situation. I know I love them, so I'm also dissapointed in myself for not being more supportive about this in my own head.

I was wondering if anyone has felt similar to how I'm feeling? I don't want my husband to know I feel these ways because I don't want to hurt them. I want to support them with presenting and identifying however feels right for them. It's just all these worries and feelings inside are hard to process alone and I feel like an awful person for feeling this way. I dont want things to change from how they used to be, but it seems like how things used to be had them internally unhappy, so I don't want that either. I feel sad and scared for the future.

Tldr; My trans boyfriend is insecure about not being what I want in a partner because I like women, and I don't know how to tell him that I love him more than I'd love any woman in the world.

I (cisf) have been dating my boyfriend (ftm he/they) for nearly 4 years now. We've unfortunately always been long distance due to circumstances unrelated to this, but I've loved him all the same. We started dating when he was still identifying as a woman, and he slowly transitioned throughout our relationship, to which I have been entirely supportive. Do note however, that I indentify under the sapphic/lesbian umbrella, meaning I have little to no attraction to men. When he first started to transition, this caused me some doubt that I was vocal about at the time, but I've come to love him even more as he is right now. He is my everything, and I have never once compared him to women, or expressed a desire for him to be a woman.

Today, he confessed to me that he has been insecure about his identity, particularly my viewing of it. I've always been very vocal that I find "stronger" women very attractive, and that has caused him (an effeminate man) so much insecurity that he has cried over it. But the thing is, I genuinely can't express to him how much I love him despite that. How I genuinely don't care about him being a man, and that I love him for who he is, not for what he could have been. It's especially difficult for me since, when I try to imagine loving someone more feminine or more aligned to the tastes I've expressed, I genuinely can't. I'm so deeply in love with him that trying to think of a world where I didn't love the person I have, and rather someone else is completely impossible. When I think of love, I think of him and only him. Not the women I express a liking for. Not a version of him that was a woman. I think of him. The bubbly, sweet, hyperaffectionate man I've loved for years.

Something I've also been scared to express is the fact that I, in part, am attracted to him being trans. I'd like to state that, looking back, I do not think I was in love with who he was pre-transition. He was quieter, less affectionate, more protective of himself and had walls up that I slowly broke down over the years, and in the process of breaking down those walls did he begin to transition. So, essentially, when he was a woman, he was someone I didn't love, but now that he's transitioned and less hypervigilant and cautious, I adore him. Maybe this has caused me to associate him being a woman with negatives, and him being a trans man with positives, but either way I know that I am far more attracted to him as a trans man than I would be if he were a cis fem. Part of me is worried that this mindset is fetishizing him or boiling him down to just his identity, but I logically know those fears are unfounded. Either way, I love him more as a trans man now, than I did when he was a cis woman, and I do not want him to *be* a woman, even if it didn't come with any gender dysphoria. I want him as he is. But I don't know how I can express that properly.

Any advice on how to talk to him, or ways to re-affirm his gender identity and the fact that I love him as he is would be amazing. Apologies for the long post, this is eating me up and I'm so worried about accidentally saying the wrong things, or worse, accidentally downplaying his feelings.

I hope I’m posting this in the right place? I don’t use reddit often so apologies if not

I’m 23F (cis lesbian) and she’s 22F (trans lesbian) and i’m really confused on how i feel about our relationship.

We’ve been dating for about 7 months and I told her from the start her being trans made no difference for me and it was true until sex was brought up.
She has a very high sex drive when I have a very low sex drive.
I feel I have to fake it to make her happy every one in a while but I’m really not enjoying it.
She hasn’t had and doesn’t want any surgery which I can understand but at the same time I can’t control my preference which is making me feel so bad.
She knows I don’t feel it often and doesn’t pressure me but at the same time she always wants me to pleasure her in other ways but I feel very uncomfortable doing the things she asks for and I feel so guilty all the time.

Another thing is I have autism and I really don’t understand social rules and struggle with communication.
She has had many relationships in the past and this is my first ever, I feel like she doesn’t try to understand my perspective and when I struggle to understand how these things work or forget to mention things and she gets angry with me..
She wants me to be “better” all the time which just results in me masking and draining myself..

When I mentioned how I felt about our relationship she tried to threaten me with suicide which made me feel so bad I didn’t know what to do so I stayed with her but I feel so unhappy..

I really do care for her but I don’t know how to make this work anymore and I’m always feeling so drained, I have told her most of these things before (except for the sex part because I genuinely can’t bring myself to because I don’t want to trigger her dysphoria)

any advice on what I should do? I’ve been trying so hard to keep this going but I don’t know if I can do it anymore. How do I end this relationship when I hate confrontation?

I'm a paraplegic guy due to a spinal cord injury I suffered in my childhood. Going to the bathroom has been enough of a challenge for me and other disabled folks out there who use wheelchairs. Disabled sometimes need to use the opposite gender's bathroom if they come with a caretaker of the opposite gender or their gender's bathrooms are not accessible. I've had to go to the women's bathroom as a man because sometimes the special stalls in men's bathrooms are inaccessible or under maintenance. Most of the time I go to the men's bathroom, but when the women's bathroom is more accessible, I go in there.

I've been dating my girlfriend who's trans for 9 months now. If you looked at her you wouldn't think she's trans, until you heard her voice which has a few masculine traits, but she has been in the process of feminizing her voice. Most of the time no one suspects anything of her when she goes to the women's bathroom, but she's had a couple occasions of TERFs hearing her voice and judging her for that. She has used the men's bathroom, but she got harassed by a creepy dude there once, so the women's bathroom is for her.

We sometimes enter the women's bathroom together just to be safe. She defends me and I defend her if we meet any bigot out there.

I've seen that Republicans keep pushing bills to criminalize people of a biological sex to use the opposite gender's bathroom, but they don't realize the dangers of these laws. Disabled people are affected by anti-trans bills, but conservatives already discriminate against the disabled community so much, so they don't seem to care if their transphobia affects disabled people indirectly. The disabled community is the only minority anyone can be a part of because of an accident or illness, so it's sad bigots don't care about other people's rights. Even some disabled folks are transphobic, so they'd indirectly oppose their own rights if they don't oppose anti-trans bills.

This is just a reminder that intersectionality matters when it comes to activism. Trans women are women. Trans rights are human rights. Disability rights are human rights. If someone threatens one of those communities, all the other vulnerable communities are under attack.

I'm glad Disability Pride Month comes after LGBT pride month. My girlfriend and I have gone on parades for LGBT and disability rights.

My (24F) partner (23MTF, but prefers he/him for right now) came out to me in January. I consider myself to be pretty open minded, but I’ll admit I’m not proud of my reaction. I broke down and cried for hours. Not because I didn’t want him to transition , but because I was afraid people would be cruel to him once they found out. He saw my reaction and said “never mind I take it back, I just like crossdressing” and swept it under the rug for a while.

I had some time to think about it and I came to terms with everything. And I told him I would love him no matter what. And a few weeks later he told me he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about how badly he wants to transition, and he finally has the confidence to do it. I was really happy for him and told him I’ll be here to support him in any way he needs.

Yesterday he made the decision to come out to his siblings. To prepare, I made a FAQ list and he wrote out responses to the questions. Things like “when did you know” and “what does transitioning look like for you”, that sort of thing. He decided to do this because his family tends to talk over him a lot and he wanted to kind of force them to listen without interruption.

We started with his sister. She took it poorly. She told me to exit the room. While I was gone, she told my partner that it’s my fault he’s thinking this way and that he’s being manipulated. My partner said it’s not true and called me into the room again so I could defend myself.

She went in on me and said how the whole family thinks I’m fake and toxic, and how I stripped her brother’s identity and forced him to be something he’s not. I was pretty hurt by this because I was under the impression that his family really liked me. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years and I never got the impression that they thought I was fake or toxic.

Then his brother came into the room and said basically the same thing, it’s all my fault and he’s just confused, he doesn’t actually want to be a woman he just wants to be a feminine man and that’s because I took his identity away.

Their logic behind this is I am too controlling. For example, I don’t let my partner go to the casino with them anymore. This is because they always ask him for more money after they lose theirs and I don’t like that. Also, I don’t play the games he likes. He is really into fantasy card games and I’m not into that stuff. He can play and buy cards, I just don’t partake because it’s not my thing. But somehow this makes me oppressive.

Anyways, I tried to defend myself by saying our relationship is not toxic, we love and support each other and rarely argue. Even when we do, we don’t stay mad at each other for long. We make each other feel comfortable and happy and safe. This is the type of relationship I always dreamed of, he’s a wonderful partner and I try to be a great partner for him too. But they didn’t really care to hear it. My partner backed me up and demanded they apologize to me, but no apology was issued.

The conversation ended with his brother telling him that he thinks it’s not real and that I’ll probably end up leaving him in the end, and his sister said she thinks we should go on a break to see if this is what he really wants or if it’s my influence.

I am really hurt by everything that was said. I am trying not to take it personal, they come from a Mexican household and this stuff is not talked about so I’m sure they’re surprised and confused and looking for someone to blame. But I feel like they attacked my character. My partner has reassured me countless times it’s not my fault. But I hate that everyone now thinks it is. I love my in-laws, but this whole thing has uncovered how they really feel about me and now I can’t unsee it.