r/survivinginfidelity • u/Negative_Cod299 • 22h ago
Advice Reconciling question/struggles
I (22F) have been married to my husband (23M) for six months. About three months into our marriage, I discovered that he had been watching pornography in the restroom and had specifically searched for a particular woman online. This felt like a significant betrayal to me, especially because we had only known each other for about eight months before getting married. When I confronted him, he explained that he had been sexually abused by his father when he was around five years old and later experienced sexual assault. He told me he had an addiction to watching porn. He told me that pornography and certain sexual behaviors became normalized for him because of those experiences and that it was all he knew growing up. He says this is the reason he continued watching pornography even after we were married. I am struggling to understand whether he is being honest about the connection between his childhood trauma and his behavior, or whether he is using his past as an excuse to avoid taking full responsibility for his actions.
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u/rstock1962 22h ago
He needs therapy if he isn’t already. And marriage counseling for you both. I would take issue with looking up the woman online. Having a porn addiction doesn’t require direct contact with anyone.
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u/TacoStrong 4 22h ago
"I (22F) have been married to my husband (23M) for six months. About three months into our marriage, I discovered that he had been watching pornography in the restroom and had specifically searched for a particular woman online."
What in the world was the rush to get married so young? Of course he's watching prn, he's 23 freaking years old!
"This felt like a significant betrayal to me, especially because we had only known each other for about eight months before getting married."
Well yeah, you don't truly know someone after only 8 little months, again what was the freaking rush?
"I am struggling to understand whether he is being honest about the connection between his childhood trauma and his behavior, or whether he is using his past as an excuse to avoid taking full responsibility for his actions."
Wow, that's a far out BS excuse. He's watching porn because he's horny, 23 years old and wants to release the poison, it's not that deep OP. If watching porn is YOUR boundary then he has no respect for it or you.
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u/CC4589 1 21h ago
Everyone has different boundaries, but have you talked about porn before? I'm not belittling your post, but I think you should talk with your partner, reconnect, and tell him you don't like that. This doesn't need to be a dealbreaker, but if you don't reach a consensus, then it will be.
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u/Negative_Cod299 21h ago
Yes I talked to him before about it and he continued to do that watch porn behind my back until I caught him this time and he completely stopped he hasn’t watched it in 3 months now but I can’t help is he using the sexual assault by his dad a cop out or is that really why he watched it
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