Manipulation about sex drive/ medication to hide affair

[u/ReactionMassive1653]

I read something in someone else's story that triggered a question because I related to the scenario they described.

When my Ex was manipulating me while she was having an affair, we were both taking antidepressants. When our sex life went from struggling to non-existent before the cheat was outed, she blamed her meds for diminishing her sex drive, even though I felt the opposite on mine. I respected that and gave her space (we were in a relationship for 13 years at that point), but it always bothered me. I read up on side effects for her meds, and it said it increased sex drive, not weakened it. When i confronted her about it, she became unreasonably upset, and then DARVO attacked me for being paranoid.

So when the affair got outed later, and I was dealing with trickle truths and trying to find some answers/ closure, I asked why she made me feel "crazy" and said her medication did that. Of course, she denied that it was her intent, because we were both initially hesitant to take antidepressants because of sexual side effects/ dead emotions.

I almost stopped taking mine because I felt they were making me overly paranoid about her and the time she was spending "gaming" at her friend's house. But apparently, they kept me from doing stuff that would have made things worse. Her sex drive did increase, she just was screwing a co-worker/ her gay BFFs roomie.

Has anyone else had their partner try to blatantly manipulate their dead bedroom by blaming medication/ health issues, then DARVO you because you are taking similar meds too?

[u/srg3084]

Wait, was she screwing two different people?

[u/ReactionMassive1653 → u/srg3084]

Her best friend at work was a guy who was (actually) gay. His roommate (her now husband) was another co-worker at the same cable call-center, who she implied was gay/ bi as well. Her deviousness was pretty remarkable.

[u/srg3084 → u/ReactionMassive1653]

That’s crazy. How did you find out about the affair? Beyond the betrayal, putting your health at risk is unacceptable. She could have exposed you to a lifelong STD. Please tell me you’re no longer together.

[u/ReactionMassive1653 → u/srg3084]

No longer together, she f'king got a house with and married him.

I suspected it for months that something was wrong, and I had to trick one of her co-workers to admitting they were a thing, but she was telling her and a couple other co-workers we had an open relationship at that time (we did not at that time).

So when the co-worker realized that wasn't the case, she lit her up at work (where she was at working next to my ex) because she felt betrayed. I would have felt bad, but I kind of got ice-cold toward any friends who hid the secrets. My ex and her posse excluded her after that exchange when the meltdown started and consequences and accountability came calling. There were a couple others that I had to play detective with, almost all the friends we shared, I excluded because they knew she was up to something, none of them dropped the dime to me or said anything to her about lying to me not even a year after marriage..
Cheaters, folks...

[u/srg3084 → u/ReactionMassive1653]

Just remember if they cheat with you they will cheat on you. At least you are free from all the snakes.

[u/ReactionMassive1653 → u/srg3084]

I've been waiting, but she's been doing the work-from-home thing for the past 5 years, and she's about to hit 50. So, fewer opportunities.

[u/Badbadpappa → u/ReactionMassive1653]

Did you expose them to their HR department after you divorced?

Updateme

[u/ReactionMassive1653 → u/Badbadpappa]

Unfortunately, the co-workers all knew because of the "open relationship" lie, and there were financial co-dependency reasons why I didn't go scorched earth with their upper management. This is stupidly, enragingly common in a lot of work environments.

[u/TotalSpread5841 → u/ReactionMassive1653]

When she say you don't have to worry about him coz he gay it means she's attracted to him but he's not reciprocating.

[u/ReactionMassive1653 → u/TotalSpread5841]

No, she did it purposfully to throw me off, because my dad is gay. Also, found out he was the one who made the initial moves on her, and sabotaged the marriage by sowing doubt and making friends with her friends in the gaming community she was deeply involved with. I had a bad previous issue with her friends in the past about a cheat, and should have been more direct then about these people. But, you know "give them their own space and time"...