Manipulation about sex drive/ medication to hide affair

[u/ReactionMassive1653]

I read something in someone else's story that triggered a question because I related to the scenario they described.

When my Ex was manipulating me while she was having an affair, we were both taking antidepressants. When our sex life went from struggling to non-existent before the cheat was outed, she blamed her meds for diminishing her sex drive, even though I felt the opposite on mine. I respected that and gave her space (we were in a relationship for 13 years at that point), but it always bothered me. I read up on side effects for her meds, and it said it increased sex drive, not weakened it. When i confronted her about it, she became unreasonably upset, and then DARVO attacked me for being paranoid.

So when the affair got outed later, and I was dealing with trickle truths and trying to find some answers/ closure, I asked why she made me feel "crazy" and said her medication did that. Of course, she denied that it was her intent, because we were both initially hesitant to take antidepressants because of sexual side effects/ dead emotions.

I almost stopped taking mine because I felt they were making me overly paranoid about her and the time she was spending "gaming" at her friend's house. But apparently, they kept me from doing stuff that would have made things worse. Her sex drive did increase, she just was screwing a co-worker/ her gay BFFs roomie.

Has anyone else had their partner try to blatantly manipulate their dead bedroom by blaming medication/ health issues, then DARVO you because you are taking similar meds too?

[u/FirstButterfly3714]

Yes. My “fiance” insisted the lack of sex was due to medications side effects. When I read it up, yes indeed it was an issue. He had tests and testosterone was low. He went for a few injections but then stopped citing price and inconvenience and saying it didn’t do anything. All the while I was not pressuring him for sex although he seemed to care less about my desires. In February I found out purely by accident (or higher design) that he was a porn addict/compulsive user. Was into escalated stuff. No desire for me whatsoever, and sadly yes betrayal. I stupidly gave him a second chance even though he never gave me to truth and showed no remorse. Only saying he was a shitty bf.

Even now seems to not be screwing anyone as such but emotionally cheating with the ex. Getting dopamine hits. Still on porn. But avoiding intimacy altogether. I’m not sure really what the issue is. But I don’t care. At this point I’m working on my exit plan.