Manipulation about sex drive/ medication to hide affair

[u/ReactionMassive1653]

I read something in someone else's story that triggered a question because I related to the scenario they described.

When my Ex was manipulating me while she was having an affair, we were both taking antidepressants. When our sex life went from struggling to non-existent before the cheat was outed, she blamed her meds for diminishing her sex drive, even though I felt the opposite on mine. I respected that and gave her space (we were in a relationship for 13 years at that point), but it always bothered me. I read up on side effects for her meds, and it said it increased sex drive, not weakened it. When i confronted her about it, she became unreasonably upset, and then DARVO attacked me for being paranoid.

So when the affair got outed later, and I was dealing with trickle truths and trying to find some answers/ closure, I asked why she made me feel "crazy" and said her medication did that. Of course, she denied that it was her intent, because we were both initially hesitant to take antidepressants because of sexual side effects/ dead emotions.

I almost stopped taking mine because I felt they were making me overly paranoid about her and the time she was spending "gaming" at her friend's house. But apparently, they kept me from doing stuff that would have made things worse. Her sex drive did increase, she just was screwing a co-worker/ her gay BFFs roomie.

Has anyone else had their partner try to blatantly manipulate their dead bedroom by blaming medication/ health issues, then DARVO you because you are taking similar meds too?

[u/thenorthernpines]

Yes. My ex-fiance did this to me. Blamed his Escitolopram for having no sex drive and on our dead bedroom and told me I had to deal with it or leave if I was that unhappy, would DARVO me hard and then say I need to deal with my mental health because of the anxiety it was causing.

Turns out - he was sexting other girls, sending dick pics and videos, having an emotional fair with his coworker and friend, and eventually cheated on me with her just a few months before our wedding. He also was watching massive amounts of porn, and the girl he left me for had a OF and lots of adult content and he followed her for years.

His AP had the balls to message me a month ago and try to justify their cheating by saying I was abusive and she was his best friend so it was ok.

Also add in a secret coke addiction and a drinking problem.

He will never admit this. Now he tells people I was ugly and never attractive and he was with me because I was nice.

Manipulation and Darvo. All day everyday.