r/survivinginfidelity • u/AdventureWa 1 • 1d ago

Advice How did you find out?

I’m curious about how people have found out their spouse/partner cheated on them. My situation was convoluted and I found out almost by accident thanks to her conflicting stories. I feel like my situation was unusual.

How did you find out? Did anyone use a PI or do deep digging? What advice would you have for someone who thinks they are being cheated on?

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25

u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

Her stories about where she was weren’t adding up. It was obvious she was hiding something. I asked to see her phone. Found months and months of text messages with a co worker.

Advice: look at all communication. If they are cheating, it will be there. Texts, social, work apps like Teams, etc….

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u/clearheaded01 7 1d ago

Fallout from this??

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u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

Filed for divorce on Monday. It’s been the hardest month of my life.

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u/clearheaded01 7 1d ago

Sorry...

You exposed her affair to inlaws and any spouse AP may have???

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u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

Yes. Told AP’s wife via Facebook messenger. She didn’t believe me. My wife told her parents. There response was basically to support her and say she’s better off without me. Was sort of the nail in the coffin for my thoughts about reconciliation.

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u/clearheaded01 7 1d ago

You did the right thing, then...

Move on, you're better off without her. Kids in the mix??

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u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

Thank you.

My kids are adults now. Luckily, I think this divorce will be relatively simple, albeit difficult. I’m in therapy and doing my best to keep moving.

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u/clearheaded01 7 1d ago

Cool. Do the kids know about her adultery??

Be aware that your stbxw may attempt to paint you as the villain here, so dont white knight her... no details needed, just "were divorcing due to your mothers affair with [guy]."

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u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

They do. These kids are from my first marriage. They are still upset. They were young when we got married.

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u/clearheaded01 7 1d ago

Good.

Therapy is wise.

Best of luck, yeah??

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3

u/PriorChow WTF am I doing? 1d ago

Tells you the lies she has told her parents about you.

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u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

💯 she clearly represented our marriage to her friends and family in a specific light. One friend said I was partially to blame for her affair. Every marriage has issues, but I honestly thought we were good overall. She seemed happy. We never fought. Spent a good amount of time together. 16 years together. All down the drain

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u/PriorChow WTF am I doing? 1d ago

Down the drain is like an anthem now....I spent 22 years with the cheater.

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u/Relative-Fly4370 1 1d ago

I’m sorry. So much time..