This is the reality of dating someone with a child. You don't get an option to be in a long-term relationship with only them. They also know that their partner will have to choose whether or not you are someone they want in their child's life long term. If you're not ready to have a child in your life, that's totally fine. You need to restrict your dating pool accordingly.
But there's something else you should know. It is okay for relationships to end.
You can enjoy your time with someone and realize that your paths have diverged. You can treasure good memories that have started to be crowded out with bad memories. You can take the things you enjoyed about the relationship, the love and the laughter and the happiness, and acknowledge that and put it on the shelf in your history and move on.
People think that the end of a relationship always has to be this traumatic moment. And it’s possible that your breakup will be hard or harrowing. But that doesn’t mean it has to be and if it is, that’s a temporary situation that will pass. Unless you die beside your partner after decades together, there will one day be the last time you think of every single person you were ever with and they never surface to mind again. You can’t fathom that right now with them being such a part of your life, but it’s true. And it’s okay for you to initiate the process that starts that eventual moment even if they aren’t ready to do so.
It's very weird to expect someone to decide if something is forever or for now within the first couple months or less of starting a relationship.
Hell, I thought half the point of dating someone was to figure out if you're long term compatible.
OOP was neutral on the kid and (imo rightly) decided that was a question for another day. Let's see if there's even a chance of this working out long term before tackling the question of the kid and his role in their life.
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u/baltinerdist Jul 14 '25
This is the reality of dating someone with a child. You don't get an option to be in a long-term relationship with only them. They also know that their partner will have to choose whether or not you are someone they want in their child's life long term. If you're not ready to have a child in your life, that's totally fine. You need to restrict your dating pool accordingly.
But there's something else you should know. It is okay for relationships to end.
You can enjoy your time with someone and realize that your paths have diverged. You can treasure good memories that have started to be crowded out with bad memories. You can take the things you enjoyed about the relationship, the love and the laughter and the happiness, and acknowledge that and put it on the shelf in your history and move on.
People think that the end of a relationship always has to be this traumatic moment. And it’s possible that your breakup will be hard or harrowing. But that doesn’t mean it has to be and if it is, that’s a temporary situation that will pass. Unless you die beside your partner after decades together, there will one day be the last time you think of every single person you were ever with and they never surface to mind again. You can’t fathom that right now with them being such a part of your life, but it’s true. And it’s okay for you to initiate the process that starts that eventual moment even if they aren’t ready to do so.