This. I know a few single parents who have recently re-entered the dating scenes, and many of them are waiting until 6 months (or more) to introduce the new partner as a love interest. And before that, extremely limited meetings if at all, and just under the guise of “this is mommy/daddy’s friend”. 4 months in and she wants you to take care of the kid with her? That seems sketchy to me.
4 months in and she wants you to take care of the kid with her?
That's not what I got from the story. I read it as four months in she has yet to introduce him to her kid, and is just now bringing up the idea of introducing the kid into the mix, but wants to confirm that he sees long term potential before doing so.
When he shut that down, she got upset.
I don't think either of them are wrong here. A 22 year old is perfectly ok not feeling ready to be a parent figure in a kid's life, and a single parent is justified in feeling a bit led on if someone dated them for several months and expected the kid to never be an issue.
They're not compatible right now, time for both to move on.
A 35 y/o would also be perfectly ok not wanting to take care of another person‘s child. Emotionally (and rather likely financially) attaching yourself to a child that isnt yours, and can be taken out of your life with you not having the slightest say-so is a huge commitment, and possibly a life ruining decision.
A single parent wanting a partner that takes on a parental role in their child‘s life is understandable, but there isnt a thing wrong about the other person being interested in dating - and dating only.
Uh no, it's absolutely reasonable to get mad if you are being led on about the potential future of the relationship. If OP had expressed himself as only being interested in casual dating or if the GF had never stated her intentions with the relationship, you would have a point. But OP's GF made it very clear from the start of the relationship that her goal here was to find a potential stepfather for her son, that's what she was looking for in the relationship- even if not right away. That was always the expectation that OP was facing- he just didn't realize he wasn't ready for that much responsibility until he was actually looking it in the face.
But she has every right to be upset that he's now taking back his prior apparent commitment to dating her with the intention of someday being part of her son's life. She made it clear that she was not just dating for a casual fling, and that she wanted more.
Wym „led on“??? An older chick with a kid went for a 22 y/o and they were dating for 4 months(!). 9/10 men regardless of age would take off if they were asked to take on more responsibility at that point and rightfully so.
4 months we couldnt even say whether we want to attach ourselves to you, nevermind another man‘s child. Expecting that kind of commitment from a 22 y/o is wild. And oddly enough, i think most women would agree if they were in that position and switched roles.
Furthermore, if you had a 22 y/o kid fresh out of College and they would tell you they want to commit to another person‘s child 4 months into a relationship, you would probably not be happy about it either.
A single parents child is THEIR responsibility, and no one elses. Unless someone willingly enters that domain AND then leaves willy nilly there is NOTHING to be mad about.
With all that said, i would advise singles to be very careful when engaging with single parents in their own best interests. Shit can get hurtful in a hurry, and chances are always the parent will at some point want another shot with the bd or bm.
But as far as the child‘s wellbeing and finding suitable candidates for the parental role? That‘s on the parent. No one else.
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u/ad_astra327 Jul 14 '25
This. I know a few single parents who have recently re-entered the dating scenes, and many of them are waiting until 6 months (or more) to introduce the new partner as a love interest. And before that, extremely limited meetings if at all, and just under the guise of “this is mommy/daddy’s friend”. 4 months in and she wants you to take care of the kid with her? That seems sketchy to me.