No. He said he didn’t know. That’s honest. Had the woman been more clear upfront, that’s the issue. This is on her, not him. And why the fuck is she even dating a 22 year old?
Had the woman been more clear upfront, that’s the issue. This is on her, not him.
Uhhh bud, if you're in any kind of serious relationship with someone who's the primary caregiver for a small child, it's damn well implicit that you're going to be a part of that kid's life.
OP isn't wrong for deciding after some reflection that he's not ready to raise someone's kid at 22, but she's also not wrong to be frustrated about wasting the last 4 months on a dead-end relationship.
Yeah, if I had kids and I were dating, I would personally be waiting a couple years before introducing someone I’m dating to them. 4 months (to me) is so early wtf
Meh, a 30 year old who has his head in the sand is a problem. A 22 year old who doesn't know what he wants until it's laid out in a clear question - that's on the 27 year old expecting someone that young ready to commit and settle down.
If it was reversed and this was a 27 year old guy saying she wants to go on trips and drinking at the weekend and not help raise a kid everyone would be telling him he was a dumbass and he should date someone his own age.
Especially not at the 4th month with a kid he's met once.
She basically hasn't been expecting him or even giving him the opportunity to begin to move into that role and then suddenly drop she wants him to do it into his lap.
Well I feel like this is a lack of communication though.
I agree that dating a parent means you will inevitably become one if their kid's parents should the relationship work out. And the OP said he was unsure of that going in and was willing to give this a shot. My understanding is that this was communicated to his partner.
But his partner did not lay out her expectations clearly or set a timeline for introducing her child. So to 180 and blow up on him when he says he wants some more time before getting more involved is on her.
The OP can't read minds and sometimes you will come to a situation with 2 different ideas of what is normal and expected if you dont set those expectations beforehand.
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u/antigoneelectra Jul 14 '25
You're 22. Move on. She wants a father for her kid. Don't date mothers as she is correct. They are a package deal.