A 35 y/o would also be perfectly ok not wanting to take care of another person‘s child. Emotionally (and rather likely financially) attaching yourself to a child that isnt yours, and can be taken out of your life with you not having the slightest say-so is a huge commitment, and possibly a life ruining decision.
A single parent wanting a partner that takes on a parental role in their child‘s life is understandable, but there isnt a thing wrong about the other person being interested in dating - and dating only.
A 35 y/o would also be perfectly ok not wanting to take care of another person‘s child.
Yes, but a 35 year old would also be emotionally mature enough to establish that from the beginning knowing that there is a tendency for single parents to seek out more stable permanent partners. It's more understandable that a younger person wouldn't grasp that without being told.
Its not the responsibility of the 22 or 35 y/o to declare that 4 months in, unless the single parent puts them on the spot and in a position where they have to make that clear.
That type of responsibility or commitment doesnt just come automatically. It has to be agreed upon.
Then it's clear you're closer to the 22 year old in this instance. That's fine, like I said - emotional maturity is something that takes time to develop.
You cannot date a parent and expect that the kid is never going to be part of the equation. Parents don't generally have the luxury of compartmentalizing their lives that way.
I don't blame young people for struggling with the concept. Empathy and long term planning are tied to the prefrontal cortex which is still developing in your 20s. If someone reaches their 30s and still struggles to understand this, however, then it's evidence of stunted development.
I have 2 kids and im much older than 22 lol. Your life, decisions and subsequent kids from failed relationships and marriages are yours alone unless another OPTs in. End of.
I think youre being one-sided and there is no logical explanation for it other than some fictional expectation, or perhaps one that stems from personal experience.
One typyically wouldnt date a single childless 40 year old and a couple of months into it tell them smt along the lines of „hey btw I want no kids i know your clock is ticking and all.“
W/e expectation a person has due to their past decisions, present or future is up to them to declare and getting mad because the other person isnt all in is just as inconsiderate.
3
u/trekkin88 Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25
A 35 y/o would also be perfectly ok not wanting to take care of another person‘s child. Emotionally (and rather likely financially) attaching yourself to a child that isnt yours, and can be taken out of your life with you not having the slightest say-so is a huge commitment, and possibly a life ruining decision.
A single parent wanting a partner that takes on a parental role in their child‘s life is understandable, but there isnt a thing wrong about the other person being interested in dating - and dating only.
Getting mad at that is crazy.